|Reviews for Master Spark: Da Coda|
| The NHK Ambassador chapter 1 . 8/9/2012
This is a fun little short. I've been marathonning sever different Touhou stories in attempts to determine whether or not I've been doing something wrong in the project that I've recently started. I probably didn't and I just have to keep working at it. I tend to get paranoid like that, though. Marisa is a real amusing character to work with regardless!
| Ganheim chapter 1 . 7/18/2011
A few large, glowing orbs appears
while she fight
but that would give Reimu a legitimate reason to beat Marisa up
[For a heavy thrashing I’m still not sure, but as is it’s like Marisa walks in, says “hi”, then gets pounded. There’s just not a clear “hey, I tripped and broke the donation box”]
Present tense is usually not recommended from what I've heard
[That’s because it requires practice and most writers today are too lazy to try it. It’s very rewarding if done correctly (gasp, just like past tense!), and I prefer it when writing mine. It’s easier to keep things grounded, temporally speaking, when everything’s past tense it’s harder to give an easy sense of past tense or flashbacks or such]
descriptions of the spellcards were left out
[Say it like Wash: “Oh my God, it’s grotesque! Oh, and something in the sky…”]
that last bit has a tendency to create battles were combatants are just shouting attack names
[Or battles where the only perceptible thing is “my skirt got singed”, that was the majority of what I remember from the fights here]
words like "oni" and "youkai" are
[I use them in a similar sense, like how some differentiate deer and elk depending on American Great Plains and Canadian Great Basin regions when the animals are virtually indistinguishable accounting for diet]
I think your experiment was interestingly done - one of the more difficult things, consistently presenting an accent, was fairly well done. The tense was okay, nothing that I noticed strongly about it one way or another. Really the only issue I have is the excuse for the first fight, because there's no description of something like "I hear a clatter and look down to see a partially smashed donation box" or something along those lines that clearly indicates "Reimu isn't just being a jerk".
| Captain Vulcan chapter 1 . 6/28/2011
Welcome to the world of Touhou. It's quite a doozey. From one relatively new fan to the next: have fun- lots of fun! Anything goes in this fandom.
Right. Looks like Marisa was unfortunate enough to catch Reimu on a bad day, and scratching her donation box really set her off. Though, in Reimu's defense, I can understand why she's so... stressed sometimes. I would be stressed too if I were in her shoes. Kinda sucks to be Marisa when she's the victim of Reimu's wrath.
Yikes! Seems like Marisa has been putting on a couple of pounds. That actually caught me by surprise. Well... I wish her well in her weight losing endeavors.
Aw man. Marisa really shouldn't be challenging Meiling in hand-to-hand combat. We all know the 'carrying a knife in a gunfight' scenario she's in, but Meiling's probably pretty much unmatched when it comes to melee battle. Heck, she even overwhelms Sakuya and Remilia when it comes to it. Though I have to admit, China's a (unknowingly)great personal trainer to Marisa. At least something worked out in the black-white's favor.
The little confrontation with Patchouli was funny. All that trouble for the mini-hakkero. Patchy's a powerful mage, but she's adorably goofy. And Meiling's going to need a little break. Ouch.
Master Spark Da Coda, huh? I like the new variation here. While it kinda surprised Reimu, she still won in the end. Well, at least Marisa can try again someday. You don't have to worry describing each spell literaly. I'm pretty sure the readers would know which spell is which by now... at least, I do.
Overall, I really like this story. Very interesting, and the first person perspective you used gets a lot of cool points with me. I'll be sure to keep an eye on this.