Reviews for Chris' Little Devils
Guest chapter 25 . 8/12/2013
First, I do really like your story. This was my second time reading it, and just like the first time, I really enjoyed it this time. I did however think that the time skip between 'The Courtship part 5' and 'Witch Wars' was a little too much. I'm not saying that you needed to show everything, but 'Spin City' especially would have added to the overall story. Also, I would have like to see more of how they went about trying to prove that Gideon was the one after Wyatt all along. As for the ending... that was really rushed. 'Witch Wars' seemed very rushed, as well, but the ending was even more so. How did Paige figure out who Chris was and how did Chris know it was going to be Paige that would figure it out? As with what someone else said, Phoebe did seem really dumb here. Why didn't she make the connection at all? She didn't even have an idea about it and she was the one who had the vision about her nephew. I think she should have at least had some inclinations towards the truth. I guess I also didn't really get how Wyatt was able to come to the past the way he did. Don't you think his evil counterpart would have made sure that good Wyatt didn't do anything to jeopardize their empire? Evil Wyatt didn't take any precautions whatsoever. I was also confused as to why Cole and Prue went back to the future. Yes, I know it was explained that they had a feeling they were needed, but that doesn't explain everything. How did they know that there was going to be a good Wyatt that would be on their side, trying to help them out? Did they seek him out or did he seek them out? Lastly, while the letters seem like a nice touch, I really would have rather seen the Charmed Ones and Leo from 2004 figure out who Chris was as opposed to them reading a letter about it. It made the ending seem rather anticlimactic. Going along with the letters, I really don't understand why Leo got his letter so late compared to everyone else. Chris was, what, 24, 25 when Paige finally gave Leo his letter. Chris really should've started looking like himself long before that. How did Leo not see it earlier? I'm also not entirely sure why Leo's behavior towards Chris changed. Leo's letter said that he and Chris got their better relationship, but what changed? Why did Leo treat that version of Chris better? If Leo didn't know that he had been a bad father in the bad timeline, how did he know to change anything in this one?

Overall, I do really like your story. Like I said, I have read it twice, so that tells you that I liked it enough the first time to want to read it again. I hope my criticisms won't be taken to harshly. I really hope that you think about everything that confused me and, if you do decide to go back through and edit the story, I hope you take this into consideration. Taking, what I hope you understand to be constructive (not destructive) criticism, you did a really good job. :)
Guest chapter 22 . 8/2/2013
I really didn't like how so much time was skipped; I would have liked to see some of the bigger scenes played out instead of just being told that they happened. The time skip didn't help the flow of the story too much because it went against what the previous chapters had already set up. While the story is good, there are quite a few instances where it gets confusing. There are time skips in the same chapter, but there is no indication that any time or scene change has occurred.
HermioneAliceCordeliaRide x chapter 25 . 6/21/2013
Omg this is one of the best books I've read in a while! Its completely awesome!
harryginny9 chapter 25 . 6/10/2013
thanks...loved it...
lizardmomma chapter 25 . 6/10/2013
well done I'm going to miss reading about them
myra chapter 25 . 6/9/2013
thank you for this wonderful story! I'm happy that chris got the life he deserved. and another little devil on the way. yay!

loved each and every chapter!
Kokos chapter 24 . 5/18/2013
So, i just read the whole story and it's really good. Though i really had to fight through the beginning because, let's face it your writing skills weren't that good when you started. But you improved yourself and I don't regret at all reading the whole story.

The way you describe the characters is good.
What I just really didn't like was that you made Chris and especially the kids so allmighty. As if they were capable of doing everything and oh so intelligent. Also were his relationships with the sisters in the future confusing. Sometimes it seemed as if he was neglected by everyone, than Piper was always listening to him. Some other time Pheobe was always great with him, than only Paige seemed to be the good one and then everyone loved him exept Leo.
I don't know if that was your intention or if i simply misread the parts but i thought it to be very confusing. You should stick with just one story.

Then I was confused by... well how can i express that... Shifts of the story (?) Sometimes some characters were just appearing or disappearing without being mentioned. For example... were did Paige come from in the last chapter hugging Chris and Mel? Was she there the whole time? Did she just come through the door? That was happening evry now and then and everytime I had to scroll to the beginning of the scene to look when he or she appeared but ended disappointed because there was no explanation.

A last thing that kept me unnerved reading your story was that you always seem to confuse words like there, their and they're. Call me a gramma nazi but it' s awefully exhausting to read senctences over and over again just to find out what you're trying to say.

But that aside i liked that you didn't give them a hearty pained and guilty get together. Even through sometimes I wished for it but it was great how you sweat it out until the very end. Respect.

Even though my negative criticism seems to overweight I want you to know that I really liked reading your story. Thank you for the experience.
It's just that you need to learn how to make a story flowing so that the reader can 'flow' through it while reading and can fully immerge into the story without being forced to the surface because he stumbled onto illogical or confusing things.
You can learn this only by doing so please, never give up on writing! You'll be great.
I look forward to reading more from you.

Greetings
ObsessedwReading chapter 3 . 4/25/2013
great fanfic. :)
ObsessedwReading chapter 2 . 4/25/2013
Great job on this.
ObsessedwReading chapter 1 . 4/25/2013
Great start to this. :)
Crystalzap chapter 24 . 4/18/2013
aww this was a great ending though Wyatt dying was sad and I hope the kids never remember what happened in the bad future. Though the letters were a nice touch, a very Chris thing to do as you said but I don't think he would of known Paige would figure him out and write in a reference.

There were two annoy things though 1 the bashing, no I wasn't really fond of Leo but that was a little much AND way too much bashing of the Charmed One they weren't nearly as bad as you made them out to be. I don't mind bashing for things they actually did but when you make up things to just make them sound horrible its cringe worthy. Otherwise the emotions you displayed made everyone seem bi-polar (and not just future ppl)

Anyway the protectiveness you wrote for Chris was well done, and I liked the relationship shown between him and little Wyatt. However Parker and Peyton were WAY over powered and not shown very well as children rather 'mini- adults'
nicsav chapter 24 . 4/15/2013
I am curous to see whether you want to make the others remember the other timeline, such as Cole and Prue who have been in the past.

If they do remember, how? It's not like people suddenly are aware of and remember alternate timelines.

If they don't, then it would be a somewhat awkward reunion with all the people who are suppose to be dead.

I liked how the depature was kept small, and not some big send-off. Maybe you could do something similar for the future reunion? Don't bring in everybody, just the important people.
lizardmomma chapter 24 . 4/12/2013
I really liked how you ended this. (Well almost). Wyatt dying, Chris's id finally revealed to those who need to know now. Everyone making it safely back to the future (as far as we know), well done. I'm so happy that I stuck with this from the beginning.
Misa3000 chapter 24 . 4/11/2013
NOOOOO! How can this peace of literary heaven came to an end?
I'm ready to see a happy Chris in the epilogue, missy!
Kimojuno chapter 21 . 3/19/2013
Wow, glad to see Wyatt coming around. Good job. :)
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