|Reviews for Sacrifice|
| AnGeL70 chapter 2 . 10/4/2003
oh my God, that was so sad! Poor Chocolate, thinking that killing herself was the only way to help her sister be happy. And yet, it's so like her to want the ones she loves to be happy. Now, I know that you haven't updated this in a LONG time, but I think it's a good beginning and would be a great story for you to continue. Well, it's up to you.
| Sara Jaye chapter 1 . 2/24/2003
| Dragon Trainer chapter 2 . 12/18/2002
I have to admit this one was really confusing, but still it leaves a lot to the imagination. I hope you'll continue this soon.
| Cody Thomas chapter 2 . 11/13/2002
Smiles! Yea Chocolate is gonna live! I hope. Well don't keep us dangling long, I hate dangling!
Again, I love this fic, in fact I have added you to my favorites list. Feel loved, very few make it that far.
I love how you are making each chapter from a different character's point of view, but be careful how you do it because it can get tricky if you focus too much on it. It could wind up being a fic of ten completely different stories and you end up getting the reader lost on what is happenening in the big picture, or risk getting repetitive, even whose point of view it is. So be Careful!
Just keep in mind that not everyone is going to read your fic as each new chapter is posted. Somewhere down the line someone who is brand new to the site will find your fic and read the whole thing at once, long after it has been completely posted. It has to be as easy for them to follow as it is for those of us who get a break between chapters to process what you are saying. You are doing just fine, it's just something to keep in mind.
Your writing style is very well developed, and you have the ability to pull your readers into your story world and have them relate to the characters that you are portraying. It is very difficult for a reader to do that, but you are doing it beautifully so far.
Well, at the risk of turning into an editor, I will leave you now, (Has just realized exactly how long she's gone on for.) _; sorry, I just want you to keep writing great fics! Keep up the good work, I will be waiting for the next chapter! Ja ne!
| Cody Thomas chapter 1 . 11/13/2002
Whoa. Are you sure you don't have depression? You wouldn't believe how close to the actual truth you are. It's Creepy. Believe me I know, I've been there. If you want to see just how close you are, read my poem Hidden Pain, you will definately find out, and if your writers block keeps up, you can always use parts of it if you like, just let me know.
I love this fic. Marron is definately someone I would like to own as well. _;; He is wonderfully IC too. In fact everyone is so far. Keep up the great work ok? I will be anxiously awaiting the next chapter! Ja ne!
| Usami chapter 2 . 11/10/2002
this is really good. feel sorry for the misu sisters around this point. but i like it so far.
| Ikyutakei chapter 2 . 11/10/2002
Luen-Chan: Wow! This story is grrrrrreat! LOL! I've been watching too many comercials. I don't usually use catchphrases from things like that! - Anyway, Continue!
(Lulu: Like you should be doin with your fanfic!)
Luen-Chan: Uhm...Oops? I've just been busy so shutup.
Luen-Chan: Yeah. Anyways, as I was saying before I was RUDELY interupted, Please Continue!
| BluePard chapter 1 . 4/28/2002
Y... yer... evil... _ ;; Yeah, it's a very good sign when you can elicit any sort of physical response from yer audiance. Though maybe I'm just a wimp. Still, I feel like I'm gonna pass out. .;; You must continue. You'll be jinxed if ya don't.
| Acerean chapter 1 . 4/24/2002
nice, nice... very touching. the scene when Chocolate placed Tira's and Carrot's hands together really struck me... how selfless of her! waaaaah! she's too loyal! ( heyy, that's a plus point for a girl, right? )
| Draqonelle chapter 1 . 4/17/2002
Nicely dark fic. I love all of Marron's motivations. It's a shame that this isn't a stand along piece. I love short short fiction. This is one of the most IC Marron's I've read in a long time.
| Dragon Trainer chapter 1 . 4/15/2002
Whoa too dark, too creep! Very goood! you're not sucide are you? I hope not, because sucide is not the answer. Anyway, great fanfic, hope for more! Bye-for-now.
| Shade Mimir chapter 1 . 4/12/2002
...Don't we all wish we owned Marron...er oh-::sniffles:: very good but very sad story...like you didn't know that...er woah it's to late...er..ah early for this...Dude...half my body's numb...how'd that happen?...-_-;;; Well er ::claps:: wonderful fic and um...'scuse me must go take a few limping laps around the arm chair to wake myself.
| hobie chapter 1 . 4/10/2002
I felt her pain and that's what makes this great.
It's too bad they both love him, right?
| Luke In Blue chapter 1 . 4/10/2002
... Whoo. I do not know WHAT my heart is doing right now, after my having read this. I'm suitably impressed (the part with the clock was a particularly nice touch). One thing is for sure. This fic certainly does have an effect on the reader (it gave me a creepy squishy feeling). One tip though... This first part was good, lots of emotions and lots of darkness wrapped up in the package. You said that this is going to be the start of a long depressing series. If this is indeed going to be long and dark, keep in mind that readers are humans with issues of their own and nobody is going to want to read a fic that will make them want to bite their own wrists open. Angst can be a prevailent theme, but be sure to lighten the mood every once in a while just to balance the scales. Remember, when you're that deeply depressed, sometimes it is the simplest thing that can bring a little ray of sunshine into your gloom. Also, I've found that mood-switching, be it sudden or gradual, makes for a powerful, touching read. Good job so far. Want to see more soon _
| BunjyGuMBoy chapter 1 . 4/9/2002
hay, babe! that was waaaaaaayyyyyy too goodddddddddd! MAKEMOREMOAKEMOREMAKEMORE!