|Reviews for Words and ActionOfficial Updated Version!|
| Souldin chapter 5 . 8/19/2011
I'm a little unsure how I should go about reviewing this fanfic, whether I should have the comparisons to the original version separate or include them within the pros and cons. I think I will do them together as the fanfic's plot does not change significantly from the edits made, and saying what I found good and bad with the fanfic without referencing to the previous version would be quite difficult.
Pro's are mostly the same as before, it's well written, it's got nice quips of humour, the characters feel real. Alterations to it though have created a fitting back story for Sheik which is well timed and presented and an interesting insight into Peach with a newly added prologue. The opening paragraph, now the first part of chapter 2 (Often Thought Separate), has seen a great improvement, as it flows better and feels more immersive. Less swearing is an appreciated addition (or should that be 'the removal of much swearing previously seen is appreciated).
Oddly enough, having read through this better written version of Words and Action, I found myself preferring the original because of the feel the fanfic had. The original felt like a TV crime drama, and as such the cheesy lines, sudden action, and ironic instances were more believable, while this one strikes itself in a more realistic light, which means when slight slips of the fore mention things occur it doesn't feel as natural. I also prefer the more fictional feel the previous had over this realistic version simply because the fictional feel is more to my tastes. So yeah, preferences’ come into play quite a bit here, I preferred how the previous fanfic felt, how all the moments were as such fitting. I also preferred Peach’s original back-story and the idea of a humanoid bird embracing a human (you may say the change of Falco to a human doesn’t make any difference but to the readers who picture it all occurring from the words you write it does).
Criticism’s I pointed out in my previous review can still be found (Red is still strangely calm and certain words have capitals when they shouldn’t) but in general you’ve improved on all your good points. The writing is even stronger, the characters are more defined, and the pacing of the story is helped a lot by separating this story into chapters. It’s hard to say whether this is better than the original, as while it is better written, the style of the previous fanfic was more fitting for the plot and dialogue of this story. Both fanfics, in the end, are still great stories, and I did smile at the NCIS reference. Great job, keep up the good work!