|Reviews for Silence My Child!|
| Angel chapter 1 . 2/4/2013
Like wow that was just O.o amazing
sad part is - w - I can actually picture this happening It was so well written! I loved it! OwO
| IsaacLover3000 chapter 1 . 10/13/2012
Please Continue with more Issac Fury !
| Loony-Luna-Lovegood-98 chapter 1 . 8/11/2012
Omg...you NEED to update this! :D It's awesome and I want to see how Star dies!
| spelling whore chapter 1 . 3/29/2012
This is how you spell Satan.
| T0M Serv0 chapter 1 . 9/2/2011
Do not add authors' notes in the story, please.
[I don't know how all of this stuff started; I was always good...well until I joined the "Satin's Corn Field" as I liked to call it when nobody was around.]
Its "Satan" not "Satin", unless you mean the material for clothes, which I doubt. And its "cornfield", while I'm at it. There's tons of spelling errors in this story, so I won't point them all at this point. That's when a beta is needed.
I like how it starts with the main character already about to die, rather than being the only one to charm Isaac or whatever. What I don't like is the casual "I'm gonna be burned LOL" attitude she has. Its oddly rambly, which is good because it adds a bit of feel for her possible terror, but she acts way too laidback. Is that supposed to be intentional?
[Fear the greatness that every villain strives to have and a weakness that every hero wishes would go away.]
She seems oddly lucid if she knows this much about her situation. If so, why wasn't she killed sooner? She does mention she was pretending to fit in until her brother was sacrificed.
Uhm, her name is Star? Well...okay...I guess.
Star goes on for another paragraph about her situation and she seems less and less believable. She's trying to spin some kind of poetic justice to the whole thing and it doesn't fit with the death being burned alive. If she's seen this kind of death before, then she wouldn't be chatting away like the punishment was just being sent to the corner.
[So I could die, but in a slow process that would make me wish for fire.]
Okay, so what is it? I thought she was going to be burned to death. Now its just being staked out in the sun to die of exposure, lack of water, and lack of food.
The reactions of Isaac and the rest are way too over the top. They remind me of cartoon villains twirling their mustaches. Not menacing at all.
[One thing in which I would probably never get to truely know. Which is; Isaac couldn't be human, of normal he had to be...something more, but I didn't know what. All that I knew was that Isaac was not the boy who everyone thought he was. Looking into those black hardened eyes I knew there was a bigger fire than anybody knew was there. Sadly, I would never make it to find the truth.]
So how do you know what it is if you supposedly don't know what it is?
[So how did you like it? Was it everything you hoped it would be? Is it disturbing for you or sick enough that I should be checked into the doctors right away?]
Honestly, it had a nice start. It wasn't cliche or overly predictable at first, until it did. The character Star-seriously, why is she called that?-never came across as believable. I guess she was trying to usurp a trope about how messed up this cult really is, but it came across as trying way too hard. Hence it was neither disturbing or overly enjoyable.
How to improve: Cut down on all the rambling nonsense that makes Star act like a bratty teenager sent to the corner. She is being sentenced to die a horrible death of fire or exposure (story never makes that clear) so show it. Rambliness in the beginning is fine, but there's a difference between that and what was shown here. And try not to make the characters go over the top with their evilness. It makes the whole situation way more cartoony than it needs to be.
| Crystal chapter 1 . 7/4/2011
The story was...okay...try writing another one and post it. I would like to read another.