|Reviews for The dirty secret set free|
| Hlpbgh chapter 14 . 8/29/2011
Whoops. It looks like I spoke in haste regarding chapter 6. While your formatting has improved from the initial chapters, your spelling and grammar seems to have deteriorated. Have you considered locating a proofreader, or, if you already have one, finding one more to double check the new chapters?
One problem in particular is your overusage of elipses. From the end of chapter 13:
"Ah Flandre…..are you ready to learn about it?...Your so innocent…how will you react when you learn the truth about what you are…and what you need to survive? But…..I can't keep you in the dark forever…and if you really want to see Mistress again…you have no choice but to find out…Its not fair for you…why is fate so cruel to people like you?...Oh well, I cannot change fate…but I can still help you cope better with it flandre….and maybe Remilia will see what its been like for you…and see that your really fit to be called her sister…."
Many of these elipses can be replaced with a period, comma, or semi colon, then followed by a space. Another grating aspect was your choice in characterization; it seemed as though you took all the sub-standard fanonical portrayals and just went with it, but that's acceptable since you're the author.
I'll wait for more, but in the meantime, maybe give a try. You can anonymously submit walls of text for your proofreader to view and correct, and include an expiration date so the text is removed after a period of time. Very convenient.
| SisterOfScarletDevil chapter 14 . 8/26/2011
Nah I enjoy the long chapters! Keep it up! 3
| Patcheresu chapter 14 . 8/26/2011
Pffft. That wasn't long. And that error about the qoutations was less noticeable with your good paragraphing. Or maybe this was long and I didn't notice because of the quotations.
Anyway, other than that, solid work. Eirin, Master Of Subtlety.
| SisterOfScarletDevil chapter 13 . 8/16/2011
Chen's Gensokyo Dance... Should have seen that one coming X3
I just love this story so far! It's so cute! .
| ChibiOkami200 chapter 13 . 8/12/2011
Great, I loved the episode, very good indeed, I look forward to continue!
| mbscncomcast.net chapter 6 . 8/6/2011
Well, the story thus far has been a pleasant change from the usual state of most Flandre-related fan fiction. I look forward to catching up on your story; so far it's proven better than the disappointment that was From The Sky and Beyond.
| shinyeevee chapter 13 . 8/6/2011
Good god, Chen too?My heart cant take the cuteness... The only thing cuter would be for her to meet Nazrin or Koishi... i did notice quite a few spelling errors though. I look forward to the next chapter!
*Goes to read a horror fic to counteract the cuteness*
| Patcheresu chapter 13 . 8/6/2011
Good chapter. I finally figured out what was wrong with your format.
You're supposed to make a new paragraph every time a different person speaks.
"Hey Saky!" Flandre rushed to Sakuya as she opened the huge library doors. "Look Saky! Look! I found a book about unbreaking!" Flandre said waving a blue leather bound book as she jumped up and down making her 'wings' make a nice clinking sound. Sakuya glanced at the medical notebook then turned her gaze to Patchouli with a questioning look. Patchouli didn't look up from the book she was engrossed in, but she replied all the same with a nonchalant voice.(Period)
"She asked me if there was anything to learn about doctors or unbreaking things, but don't look at me-cough cough- It was Koakuma who helped her find the book." She said, never tearing her gaze away from her precious book.
It makes huge walls if you don't.
| ChibiOkami200 chapter 12 . 8/5/2011
Great! great! I love this story! I loved it even though I do not know English, I read your great story thanks to the translator, and likewise leave comments, but seriously, I then want to know what happens with Flandre and Saky!
| Patcheresu chapter 12 . 8/5/2011
That tugged at the heartstrings. Well done. This is going on TVTropes Reccomended page for your fast updates and wonderful take on Flandre and Sakuya.
| chateauromani chapter 11 . 7/13/2011
Very cute! I like how you protrayed Marisa and Alice's relationship without the ooc problems that usually come with it. I hope Remilia doesn't find out about Flandre's adventures and lock her away or punish Sakuya. Can't wait for the next update!
| Jeikobu Mayakashi chapter 10 . 7/13/2011
Awesome story, looking forward to the next chapter.
| takamiori chapter 10 . 7/9/2011
Oh my God. Why am I only now reading this?
THIS STORY. This is the embodiment of HNGH. I like how you've portrayed Flandre's relationships with everyone, it's really sweet.
MariAli? With this story? 20/10. I wonder what a doll made by Flan would look like? Food for thought~
Anyway, enough of me ranting. I really enjoy this story and I look forward to the next installment.
| Unyuu chapter 8 . 7/9/2011
This is exactly what i expected, and just what i needed. flandre really isnt a monster... i dont really like scary psycho flan anyways. cute flan is much better IMO.-w-
And is this based on the touhou PV flandres 495 GO!sisters true emotion? its exactly what happens in the music video. anyways, love this fic. love this style. keep it up!
| Xx-NicoliaMalin-xX chapter 8 . 7/7/2011
Nice chapter ze...i love Marisa ze...now we both can't stop saying ze...we might end up saying that in school ze...LOVE MARISA ZE!