|Reviews for Not Normal|
| BelfryBats chapter 16 . 7/11
Interesting author notes on this one. Meaning not many take the time to explain where they are coming from and why in such detail. It is rather nice to see the historical parallels and the background of things. Now I do disagree with a few of your assertions to some extent. One being the level of gender inequality that is present. This because it is based on mundane culture not magical. Nothing in cannon suggests that Wizards are more powerful magically than Witches. So since magic can easily overcome physical limitations it would stand to reason that wizards would have a rather tough time making witches do things they did not want to do. As they could quite literally turn them into newts if they wished. Of course there are societal issues and expectations at play which could minimize that even if it is unlikely that such conventions would develop in quite that way due to the aforementioned reason. Another thing is that polyamory does in fact work just fine in reality. This is not to say it works for everyone/or is even for everyone or that it is all that easy to manage. Just that it does in fact happen and work just fine in the real world, though it does take a lot of open and honest communication and some level of planing and organization. Of course those things seem to be present in this story which is nice as there are other fan fics that just lump everyone together without really addressing the interpersonal issues that would arise from such an arrangement.
| Guest chapter 52 . 7/5
| Guest chapter 15 . 7/2
Ohhh, now I remember why I dropped this fic.
This is so weird. Also I think it's a continuity problem: Earlier you wrote Hermione much shyer than she should be (according to her experiences). Not to mention the awfulness of the whole "child prostitution angle" with the "Mentors". How can any of this take place in Hogwarts without any of the boys knowing about it? How did Hermione hide this from Ron and Harry? Harry's reaction to this seems ridiculously tame - he has good reason to feel betrayed. I'll try to continue on and hope this serves some kind of purpose later on. At this point it seems like trash.
| Deathcrow chapter 9 . 7/2
I like the way you presented the Flamels here, especially how you gave them such an elaborate backstory.
The idea that time travel to the future is "impossible" is flat out wrong though. I mean, okay, sure, this is Harry Potter, maybe in their fantastical world it is impossible, but Einstein's laws of relativity are well understood and things like GPS satellites wouldn't work the way they do if time dilation doesn't exist. Sergei Avdeyev is 20 ms younger than he should be because he 'traveled to the future'. Time travel to the future is eminently practical and possible - as long as you can move fast enough (or get close enough to a heavy body).
| Eldersprig chapter 26 . 6/30
| Eldersprig chapter 19 . 6/30
politics especially in fantasy novels is **boring**. How is it different then politics in a non-fantasy novel? Of course you seem to enjoy it so bone petit.
| Eldersprig chapter 17 . 6/30
I'm glad the Weasley's aren't villains here. But Dumbles is. Hope you deal with him quick.
| Eldersprig chapter 10 . 6/30
Its exposition. It has to go somewhere. (Muppet Movie)
| EJ chapter 16 . 6/20
Obvious hormone-driven fantasy. The sad thing is this fic had interested me until you basically made half the story about how it's necessary for girls to fuck each other every night. Also, these are practically little kids that you're sexualizing. Hermione is way out of character, as well. Suddenly after a few visions, she's confident and willing to share her boyfriend with four other girls? Smh.
| ChaseRyans123 chapter 10 . 6/19
Also if I could, I'd like to touch on a few plot details that don't make much sense. I wouldn't bother but...they're kind of central to your story. First of all is the time-travel debacle. How can it work the way you've described? You say that the past is absolutely fixed and can't be changed no matter what, but that defeats the entire story. Sure, whatever eventually happens to the 13-year-old HP crew is the 'future' and up for grabs, but to the older versions that's all supposedly iron-clad history. You've set up a paradox here where either the past CAN be changed and the future-crew managed to figure out how, or you're saying that the present can be altered by a future that doesn't exist yet. Not to mention that the example you cite, the Time Turners, absolutely COULD be used to alter the past. What happens if I were to travel back in time to kill myself? What if I put a gun against my past-selfs head and pulled the trigger? Would the bullet just...vanish? All I'm saying is that while your explanation of the timeline is cool and all, any universe that has the means for time-travel needs to follow the Doctor Who example: time is not fixed except at certain, un-alterable points, and interacting with yourself is a no-no unless you ensure past-you goes back in time as well to alter time in the exact same way. This is the only way time-travel can work; if the past can never be changed, then any form of backwards time-travel at all would cause ripple-effects so profound that reality-ending paradoxes would ensue.
Also...sex to control magic?! Why?! And why not males? What part of women would cause their natural magics to be in constant flux? I could buy if their magic was thrown out of wack during pregnancy-growing a new life and all-but all the time? If you wanted to expand Harry's harem, why not say that having sex with a powerful wizard temporarily boosted a witch's magical power? It could have even had a nice biological reason: wizards naturally providing a share of magical energy to help the pregnancy stick or ensure the baby was born healthy. Then when magicals figured out contraception charms, this power-boost became unnecessary unless the witch in question wanted a magical recharge. As it is, that entire plot point comes off as unacceptably misogynistic and a transparent attempt to get Harry laid in a way that doesn't make him a womanizer.
| ChaseRyans123 chapter 9 . 6/19
First, I want to say that I genuinely think this is a good story idea. Also, seeing as how you're already working on a sequel, I can't expect you to make any changes here. Therefore, I just want to mention a few things I'm taking issue with to keep in mind for the future.
First of all, there's a LOT of unnecessary exposition. Most of the first few chapters have been nothing but solid walls of text explaining various parts of the world that don't need explanation. It's great that you've created an entire history for the Wizengamot, but anyone who's read the books or a single fan fiction on this site knows all they need to. It's a governing body chaired by heads of noble houses and appointed officials that's corrupt to the core and answers to no one. I just gave everything we need to know about the Wizengamot in a single sentence! We don't need to know the evolution of the system from the year 1072 to the present.
This kind of unneeded information dump is done all over the place too: Dobby's explanation of Harry's ENTIRE family tree, the Granger parents' extensive arguments over whether or not Hermione should be allowed to return to Hogwarts (both of which could be boiled down to 'we don't know of any other options, and she actually has friends there), and most egregiously the entirety of chapter 9. All that needed to happen in that chapter was for the Flamels to come in, introduce themselves, give a short(!) explanation of how they're alive (while possibly mentioning the Stone only works for its maker) and explain what's causing the French Word Thing. Instead we literally got THEIR ENTIRE LIFE'S STORY. You know that saying, "Hey man, I didn't need your entire life's story"? Because it was first coined after someone read this chapter! I really, genuinely think that it's amazing you took the time to come up with each individual persona they've adopted over the years. However, why do we need to know anything about any incarnations that happened before they became Luna's grandparents? That information, while world-building, has zero effect on the actual plot. All it does is drag your fine story to a freaking crawl. Not to mention that after the Flamels give us this information, we readers are then treated to a lesson in how time works! The main plot point of this chapter is buried so deeply amongst the theory of time travel and how democracy came to Britain that an epic reveal is rendered less interesting than watching paint dry. Not to mention that the entire explanation of Dumbledore's chicanery was wholly unnecessary! Tell us all this when they finally decide to go after the man, not during the explanation of why Voldemort is hunting Harry! I'm going after Chapter 9 particularly hard because it's obviously supposed to be some kind of 'reveal' chapter, but ends up being 3,000 words of useless information that pushes the actual need-to-know stuff clear off the page and into Chapter 10. Instead of being wowed by your creativity, I'm falling asleep reading about the difference between Muggle and Magical aging.
Back to the Flamels for a second, why did we need to know the intimate details of how many descendants they have? This, combined with Harry's extensive family tree earlier, provide an uncomfortable level of detail into how everyone is related to everyone else. For future reference, this is one of those facts that everybody knows, but nobody mentions because it's REALLY CREEPY to say you're sleeping with your third cousin once removed. No matter how genetically accurate it is, all this does is make Harry look like someone who goes to family reunions to pick up women.
Overall, I'd say this story has great promise. Its biggest flaw is that it seems like 45% of every chapter is devoted to useless history lessons that bog down the pacing and ruin the excitement of an otherwise fairly original fanfic. The focus needs to be kept purely on what's needed for the plot, or on the actual conversations these characters would have (by which I mean, what type of things would Hermione or someone actually say? Not just to further the essay on governmental history, but what her character would actually find interesting to discuss.) If you could do that, then this fic could be 10/10.
| UzumakiRend32 chapter 16 . 6/10
I have been liking this story so far, but I have to say it seems a little silly to have witches be required to have sex to control there magic. I mean you could have just had them be in a true polyamourous relationship and have all the girls fool around too. I mean TBH I wasn't all that happy when you extended the harem or whatever beyond Harry Hermione and Luna. Basically you are saying sex is not a choice with this only who they have sex with. I mean I guess if your gonna write a bunch of lemons I get it but honestly I see no reason why that was necessary for the story. I mean it's your story so it's your call but it just feels like it was something added to idk. I don't get it honestly I don't it seems like it was added to make an already bloated story even more so by adding something completely unnecessary. I plan to keep reading this story at this point though I feel like with all the girls and the fact that sex is just something they need not something they do because they have an emotional attachment all the emotion and feelings between the girls and Harry feels hollow now. Like most harem stories the romance has already begun feeling rushed and forced. I haven't been turned completely off yet but I don't like some of the decisions you made so far. Also if this is magical culture why were Hermione's reactions so wierd to Luna earlier in the story? I mean kissing a girl wouldnt be unusual. Oh well your story and I don't have to read it, but until you threw in the extra contracts I was really enjoying it. Thank you for your efforts in writing this long of a story. I appreciate you dedication to it.
| Aftermath Man chapter 19 . 6/8
Loving the story so far but the pacing is unbelievably slow.
| Nigel943 chapter 1 . 5/24
Seabirds and bat droppings ONLY are referred to as guano...
Do your research ok
| taxzombie chapter 20 . 5/17
In the process of rereading this tale, a most enjoyable process. I had forgotten Harry's little 'conversation' with the Dursleys. Brought a smile to my face. Always good to see bullies get the comeuppance, even fictional ones. Very nicely done. Flows well with the tale and works well to me as start of Harry healing from the hell they put him through.