|Reviews for Time Sands Still|
| Doubleplusgoodduckspeaker chapter 1 . 7/11/2011
Your title is so much win :DDD
I really like how you wrote this, the present tense is a good choice, and I just enjoy reading how you write-it strikes a good balance between lush descriptions and dialogue and progression. Because I like your writing so much, I have high expectations for your stories.
What I felt this lacked was a bit of creativity. It's the canon scene with Mai in the hourglass except now Bakura torments her because that's what he does. You can do so much better than that. The Egyptian references made this piece for me but I really want you to just knock something out of the park, to give us a story that just takes our breath away and brings something compelling and innovative to your wonderful writing style. Does that make sense?
Please don't take this the wrong way or anything, because I really do admire your writing. I just feel like you have the potential to write a super-amazing-wonderful-awesome piece, and I want to read that from you! This was still a wonderful read, though! Good job and thank you for writing this!
| My Misguided Fairytale chapter 1 . 7/10/2011
I like this; it's very dramatic and I can tell you've put a lot of thought and effort into it, which I appreciate. Your repetition of phrases and images is nice (the sand, time, etc), and you've got some great turns of phrase ("fragments of forgotten thought" stuck out to me in particular). You emphasize the present tense in your opening a/n, but there's so much past here in flashbacks/etc (especially in the beginning), that I was a bit distracted by it...I think just picking one tense and sticking with it might have been more effective? Anyway, I thought this was great - I preferred your first Tier story for its plot/genre, but I think you've got the characterization better in this one, the two are very dynamic and I agree with Keruth that this story is the perfect length for this kind of writing style. Good job on this, and keep up the good work! D
~Jess (My Misguided Fairytale)
| safa'at keruth chapter 1 . 7/7/2011
I'm quite impressed with this piece. I wondered what it would be like after reading about your hesitance in using this writing style in the A/N, but I like it, and I think it definitely fits the mindset of the fic. I happen to be a fan of this sort of style in small doses, as you've written here, so that doesn't hurt either :)
Some of your language in here was very, very pretty - this style sort of calls for pretty language, but there were a few quotes that really stood out to me. "The golden hue of silence"; "I am you, and they are you too"; the repetition of "look"; and especially "Behind him, time is sifting like fine golden sand, uncovering secrets, unravelling the beauty and nostalgia of bygones, and bringing forth a promise of an endless spiral." I spent a minute or so attempting to picture the last one in my mind, and what I came up with looked lovely, as the language implied.
I also liked the huge emphasis on thought rather than action, and how very little movement-wise actually happens in the fic, but the reader barely realizes because there's so much else going on. And the transition from Mai's POV to Bakura's was very smooth, even though there were no breaks. It's not simple to pull either of those off, but you managed it quite well.
My only criticism is that although I like this style, its redundancy has always bothered me, especially when it drags out too long. Your fic was short enough that it never got too serious, but there are only so many strings of 'and's that a person can take before it becomes tiresome. x) The questioning of 'wait, do I actually understand this?' was present a few too many times too, after which my belief of it started stretching. I feel that if you'd just cut down on some of these things, the fic would flow better and the reader would be less likely to skip over the longer sentences, and in general enjoy the language as it should be.
Great job, and good luck!
| firstForward chapter 1 . 7/6/2011
I love how you've characterized Bakura and Mai in this story: he, so cruel and uncaring, and she so obviously distraught and losing her mind. Her scrambled thoughts and confusion are fantastic, they really add a lot to the story in terms of the depth of Mai's emotions, and made me feel for her situation. The interaction between the two character is perfect, and the scene is painted so well I could picture it easily. And I thought your title was an interesting twist on a phrase, it suits your theme and the ending lines of your story very well. Thanks for the read.
| The Duelist's Heiress chapter 1 . 7/4/2011