|Reviews for My Adventures with the Love Angels|
| Jewlbunny chapter 8 . 6/7
That was really short. Please write more of this.
| James Birdsong chapter 7 . 2/16/2014
Oh the story is still cool.
| James Birdsong chapter 7 . 1/10/2014
| Jewlbunny chapter 7 . 1/7/2014
'Bout time you continued with this. Man I've been waiting for this chapter for a long while. It was interesting. I hope to read more soon.
| Jewlbunny chapter 6 . 4/5/2012
Oh no. Wedding Peach. This isn't going to end well. I hope you can free her from the demon. Please continue writing.
| James Birdsong chapter 6 . 2/19/2012
Pretty good I suppose. A good chapter
| LovelyLily13 chapter 6 . 2/15/2012
You already know me dude... Or do you...? You do. Any way, I'm enjoying this so far. And I hope that you update soon. Meow! *Does Pace sign before kitty pose* I do that for everything, you'll get used to it. -
| James Birdsong chapter 5 . 7/21/2011
Obviously um pretty good two chapters _
| James Birdsong chapter 3 . 7/16/2011
Hooray for the three chapters.
| Angel Peach Blossom chapter 3 . 7/9/2011
You don't need to worry. Chapter three shows a lot of improvement. I can see it just by looking at it.
The only thing that doesn't seem right was when Wedding Peach used her attack. Usually that is the last attack she uses, so I don't see it as a lot of sense for her to use first. Pluie could still very easily dodge the attack, if that is what you want, but being the last attack would be best.
Also, and don't beat yourself over this one because this is an easy mistake to make, it's not spelled mirror. Not in this case anyway! It is a mirror, but she doesn't say mirror. I'm not sure what language the word is, but it is spelled miroir. So, it would be "Saint Miroir Bridal Flash!"
As for the other bit of help you asked me for, I'll send a PM. Be patient, kay? I don't think I'll be long.
| Angel Peach Blossom chapter 2 . 7/7/2011
First of all, I'm glad you changed the title and summary. It makes sense for the changes that have occurred.
Now, once again, I noticed an improvement from your first attempt! You still missed some punctuation, but it wasn't as bad this time around!
I would have preferred the chapter to be a bit longer, but it isn't all that bad.
I noticed you sometimes repeat certain things. Like going up to the throne. You don't need to do that. Since we already know that is where they were going, there is no reason to repeat it.
Also, in most cases, it's better to have everything be spoken, so that way people know what is going on. It's okay if you want to skip explanations and just explain them, since they can be rather long and not needed to read. I noticed this mostly with Zachary's and Aphrodite's conversation.
Now, I do like some of your added detail choices! In particular having Zachary note that being a girl when transformed would take getting used to. Although, if I had been him, and I was a guy, the gender switch would scare me the first time around.
If you need any more help, doesn't hesitate to ask!
| Angel Peach Blossom chapter 1 . 7/6/2011
If I can be honest, this is pretty confusing so far.
I'm going to get this first part out of the way... all of this bold is straining my eyes. It isn't good to see all of it at once like this, and it feels like the reader is being yelled at the whole time.
Next, there isn't a lot of detail. You sort of jump to places, and don't give a lot. You just sort of give the basic, but not enough to go further.
When a new person speaks, make a new paragraph. There are some exceptions to the rule, but in this case, you want to start a new paragraph when someone new is speaking.
Now the storyline is quite confusing, and the fact that Zachary takes it as fast as he doesn't isn't realistic. So far, here is what I understand.
Limone sought out Zachary who lives in another world in order to become the second Wedding Peach. He convinces him that not only is he the chosen one, but also that he is Wedding Peach's brother. While he is confused, he seems to accept it rather quickly, and ended up following Limone to the Angel World.
Now see, this is way too much, in it's own right to be put in a chapter like this, even one so short. First of all, the fact that Wedding Peach has an unknown brother is an interesting concept, and yet I highly doubt it would work like that. There has been no hints to there even being a brother for Wedding Peach in the anime world. One who isn't even from the same world she is, and that makes it even more confusing.
Also, Second Wedding Peach isn't a good name. That would be like 'Okay, we are going to call you First Wedding Peach, and you are Second Wedding Peach.' What's the point of that? And when it comes to numbers, that usually isn't siblings, that is with offspring.
I do think you have an interesting idea here. However, I think this story needs a lot of work, and more thought. Now, I'm not flaming your story. I don't flame, because it doesn't help anyone. I'm just giving concrit.