|Reviews for The Phantom|
| Wilona Riva chapter 5 . 2/17/2012
I was going to tell you the same thing, but you beat me to the punch. Great story so far.
| San child of the wolves chapter 5 . 2/17/2012
I'm glad you're not giving up on this story. This story was and is great. I can't wait to read the revised version of this story.
| PhantomPotterGirl chapter 4 . 7/15/2011
If he's badass, he'd better still have ghost powers :D
| sapphireswimming chapter 4 . 7/13/2011
Oh my goodness. Creepy Danny. Creepy Danny. Creepy Danny. Yeah. Wow. I don't think that I have ever seen him at quite this level of creepiness. You do it well. eep. Definitely *insert 'how should I scare you, Sam' moments here* Yeah, I will be very interested to see what happened to make him this crazy creepy!
Good for Sam, holding her own and encouraging Danny to actually remember himself and care about her again. Certainly not an easy task here...
Since Danny's eyes are changing colors, I'm assuming that he has ghost powers in this story? He hasn't been using them and no one has referenced them. I know that since it's AU, he could be human, but if he was really brainwashed, he might not know to use his powers... or maybe it's just better not to do it on the job...? I don't really know...
But definitely interested in seeing where Danny goes next! :D
| Gokus Faith chapter 4 . 7/11/2011
Dont be so hard on yourself. I really like it and will keep reading until you stop writing. It is a really good story and i hope that you will continue. Please? ;D
| smallvillephantom14 chapter 4 . 7/11/2011
I dont realy think he's creepy I just think hes a creep. but he was branwashed some how, I think, so I'll let it slide. still love the story so far though!
| sapphireswimming chapter 3 . 7/11/2011
Ooooh. I was wondering how you were going to tie Danny into everyone from Amity. So he's been missing for four years and has been brainwashed in that space of time, has he? Oh dear. If only he'll actually listen to Sam, now. Oh, the line that hit me hard here was 'I haven't been missing; I've been where I was supposed to be this entire time'- man! how hard would that be for Sam to hear, that he really thinks that there has been nothing else in his life? That he's actually missed out on that much!
I like how he's kind of panicking, wondering what to do and how he is going to get out of this mess as the agents are coming for him, but then is able to buckle down and work so well and ingeniously. Haha. Loved the two guns behind his head. That was awesome imagery and led to a great fight scene. These are working really well. I think that your being in secret agent movie mode is really doing you a service here. :D I think that, again, I would break up that huge paragraph you have in favor of a few shorter paragraphs just so that the action flows but doesn't rush quite as fast, but loved the fight scene.
Danny taking out the agents, and the one who was gasping on the floor, and his not showing much emotion at his 'rescuers' deaths... those things were really pretty scary and creepy. They are showing him to be a lot less emotional and... human, almost... than most other fics ever portray him as. Granted, he's had problems and issues that make him like this, but I would definitely be scared of him. Especially when he yells shut up! Yeah, Sam was a lot braver than I bet I would have been in that situation.
Huh. Nice use of the dead agents earphones to bring about that important unveiling of some facts. Haha. The guy on the other end just doesn't understand that whenever the bad guys start monologue-ing, bad things happen, does he? I was a little confused at times as to who exactly was talking on the other end and to whom he/they were talking to since a couple other people showed up in the course of the conversation, but I got enough of what happened for it to make sense. And for me to realize that things are going to take a definite turn for the 'tell me what you did to me and then I will take my revenge' thing. And I don't mind that at all! hehe. Oh, and great bit of morbid humor there with the dying agent saying 'nice save...' XD
And I'm out of time for tonight, but I'll get to chapter four soon!
| Hellbreaker chapter 4 . 7/11/2011
A good chapter you got here. I like how Danny was lethal and dare I say it seductive to Sam. Not a lot of people go with this, and those that do make it where he's betrayed by all of those who care about him. I always liked the idea of Danny having a different personality because of some sort of event that change him better than betrayal stories.
| smallvillephantom14 chapter 3 . 7/9/2011
I liked it but it remined me of electra (I dont think i spellt her name right) but you no the girl super hero from marvel. the whole she wispers in your before she kills you is in her comics. also dose Danny have any of his ghost powers or no?
| sapphireswimming chapter 2 . 7/8/2011
Huh. Wondering why his aim was off at the beginning of the chapter. I'm sure that that's a first for him! And he won't be too pleased about that.
Oh. Yep. The assassin's just a kid. A kid named Danny, in fact. ;) But he's still good at what he does. Too bad that you underestimated him... again... and again... It's kind of scary how little he's responding to pain of any kind. Not taking the pill but taking the punches... eek. I would be scared of him. Makes you wonder what he's been through until this point to make him like that. Can't wait for his back story to unfold, but that's kind of the whole point of this one, I think. :)
Hahaha. Really loved the earpiece scene where he makes it go up in flames in their hands. Very clever. And then with the paperclip... nice job, very ingenious, Danny. You know exactly what you're doing. But yeah, that earpiece scene I thought was the highlight of this chapter for me. Not really sure why since it wasn't that big of a part, but yeah...
A couple typos: your that should be you're, fallow should be follow, and a couple missing commas, but nothing much.
I think one thing that would help this chapter is to rework the fight sequences a bit. You have really, really good stuff and I loved reading through how he was getting through and past every guard. But it all seemed to flow together. I think I would break up the paragraphs a little more so that it isn't just ONEBIGFIGHTSCENE but it one huge and majorly epic fight scene. :)
And again, leaving us with that cliffy! Sam knows who Danny is? Danny's killed her parents? Now he's going to kill her? Man!
| sapphireswimming chapter 1 . 7/8/2011
Wow. This is a really cool story and I really got hooked quickly. Fast paced and definitely haunting and leaving you wanting more. I do really like a lot of AU premises... especially secret agent and assassin ones, so yeah, I like this premise a lot. :D Sorry it took a while for me to get around to it...
I think your writing is really good for getting the emotions across, especially in this first chapter with the guards and how terrified they are and how their speech is broken up with ellipses. That was really good and I got goosebumps when Phantom whispered in the second one's ear. The 'Why not make the rumors true...' line was brilliant and really added to both the mood and the character. The only thing that I would comment on for this section is that the guards' dialogue seemed kind of halting and unnatural. They were giving all of the information that you wanted us, the audience, to know but it almost seemed like you were checking off each piece of information as you plugged it in and it didn't flow as naturally as I think it could have. But the content itself was good. Really good.
One other thing and then I'll let you go. It seemed strange that Phantom was out already when he got the info on this hit. I feel like he would normally be debriefed in an office before going out onto the field... unless, he was already in the field and was being pulled off of another mission, in case they would give him details on the way over. But it seemed strange to me that he was getting directions for the first time only about thirty seconds before he had to execute them. Otherwise, the use of the mic and talking back to his superior was really good. It makes me really want to know what is going on with him and the organization he's with and how they all got mixed up together!
And then that ending! Sheesh! Lancer, Paulina and Sam! bang. bang. bang.
So you've got me going already and it's only the first chapter! :D
| Codiak chapter 3 . 7/8/2011
Dang... Danny has moves. XD
| arenea09 chapter 2 . 7/6/2011
I'm really interested in where this is going. Please, do continue!
| YourFavoriteCONTRACTOR chapter 2 . 7/6/2011
Sweet. Looking good so far.
| Mak8907 chapter 1 . 7/6/2011
"And then everyone noticed Dash pissing himself in the corner..."