|Reviews for The Pawn|
| general-joseph-dickson chapter 12 . 4/3
Nice story so far. I hope Trask is able to help Revan before Dantooine.
| BrettVT chapter 12 . 2/22
Keep updating; it’s getting so good. Looking forward to how Revan will attempt to keep himself secret when he figures it out. I imagine it won’t be that difficult, the jedi wouldn’t be able to read his mind more than knowing he’s having emotional turmoil, which could be chalked up to pretty much anything.
| JourneyRocks13 chapter 12 . 2/18
He's getting close to knowing his true identity. I wonder if seeing Bastila at the swoop track will be what opens his eyes for sure
| ether-fanfic chapter 12 . 2/18
Finally had a chance to sit down and read the last 3 chapters.
The Undercity had a suitably ominous feel to it, some great descriptions of the area in chapters 10-11 - possibly even a bit on the wordy side from Trask at the start of c10 as I felt the suspense got bogged down a little in the detail. Although it did paint a great picture of the setting.
Daraz is slowly getting colder and harder - to be expected, and now I am wondering just how long Sandra and/or Carth will stay as his allies - whether it's their choice or his.
The confrontation with Trask was very well-executed - sometimes, you don't need a single shot fired or blade raised for a perfectly tense encounter, and c11 showcased that.
I am wondering what age you picture Revan at? Canon paints both him and Carth at 38yrs during the events of KotOR, but from the amount of times Carth referred to him internally as a 'younger soldier' I'm getting there's a bit of an age gap in your 'verse. (Not that I have any issue with canon being ignored - particularly in an AU - but I am curious at what age you paint Revan as having entered the Mandalorian Wars etc and right now.)
I do hope Trask/Weyron finds a way to survive, or is somehow rescued - I wonder if he's being taken to the Sith base on planet, or shipped off-planet? There's too much backstory and potential plot here for this to be the end of him, I suspect.
And Daraz will be starting edge close to the truth, I imagine, with all the jigsaw pieces he has - I wonder, will he know before he meets Bastila, or will she perhaps be the catalyst for the final piece to slip home? Look forward to finding out.
| Cute Gallifreyan chapter 12 . 2/16
The plot thickens and Daraz begins to wonder more about his past. He already suspects that he was with the Sith and the conversation about him being strong with the Force, doesn't help erase those suspicions either. The wheels turn in his head and...poor Bastila...I wonder what will happen when they meet. I look forward to seeing her being corrupted actually.
| RustLegion428 chapter 1 . 2/16
I’ve been looking for a story like this for a while, so yeah
| andrei666999666 chapter 12 . 2/16
Love this, and I can't wait for him to remember everything.
| Shaddurak chapter 12 . 2/16
Oh that cliffhanger is brutal I'm enjoying the story alot though not to often do i see Darth Revan storys i do hope Trask survives and Revan uses him when he gets his memory back.
| ether-fanfic chapter 9 . 2/5
Oh, that was a naive move from Sandra. I cheered to see the guy survive... But Daraz's scorn was earned, there. Sandra isn't hard enough to do what needs to be done, in situations like this. I do wonder what your plans for her are.
Enjoyed Trask/Weyron's background. Where, exactly, his loyalty will shift will be most interesting to discover.
| ether-fanfic chapter 8 . 2/4
Huh, thought I'd reviewed this chapter as I'd read it awhile back. At any rate, my favourite part here was how Daraz dealt with the soldier. Efficiency, indeed. Carth might not like it, but he understands why. I like the interaction between Carth and Daraz in the cantina - Carth's mistrust of the protagnist is well-grounded in this story, and yet there is respect there, too. I can see Carth having a high regard for this Revan - despite the darkness of his character.
I appreciate that the well-known intro scene of Mission/Zaalbar is off stage too. (I may have read too many iterations of that scene, classic though it is, heh).
| Guest chapter 11 . 1/30
I have not seen this for years and had forgotten about it. Glad to keep reading. Thanks!
| ether-fanfic chapter 7 . 1/23
That was a fantastic duel. Both for the description and the planned defeat. I could really see it happening. You foreshadowed the defeat but it still felt like a surprise.
And the reasoning behind it- and Sandra's distaste but then her apparent hypocrisy in using the credits - was also wonderfully done. Daraz has few reasons to trust the Jedi, which makes me wonder exactly how Dantooine is going to play out.
Loved the flashbacks, too. Dxun, ah, theres a powerful one. It's great to see one of young Juhani. Of courae shes fully grown now and likely looks a lot different, but it will be interesting when they met again.
Carth's a suspicious one, but I always like it when his reasons for suspicion are displayed rather than his character just knocked down - and he has solid reasons for being wary of Daraz.
Daraz sensed Sandra - I can't wait until the first overt use of the Force comes to him.
I think the mix of first person protagonist/ 3rd person other characters works well.
One typo near the start - you have 'Exited cries' where I think you mean 'Excited cries.'
| ether-fanfic chapter 6 . 1/15
Hah, nice having Sarna turn up early. I liked that. And the darker tailspin of Daraz's emotions in the altercation with the noblewoman... ouch. I'm glad he didn't kill her, but her fate could still end up pretty bad. Definitely getting some dark side hints bubble to the surface.
Minor thing - I personally wouldn't capitalize animals such as kath hound (as you wouldnt capitalize tiger), nor would I capitalize an insult like schutta (as you wouldn't capitalize bastard). Of course these things are pretty debatable in a fictional universe.
Anyway, still enjoying your story a lot, thanks for writing :-)
| god of all chapter 11 . 1/13
Great chapter and story so far please continue this story soon.
| ether-fanfic chapter 5 . 1/12
I always like an explanation for the ambush of the Endar Spire.
You mention it's not an OC, and from the chapter it sounds like someone trained the same way as Jaq/Atton. It could be Jaq. I'm not convinced, but I'm not ruling him out either.
The only characters that canon places on the Spire (that I can think of) are the female Jedi who is with Daraz, the male Dark Jedi she killed, Bandon and Trask.
...Trask would be interesting. Especially since our lieutenant recognized Revan on the Spire and now is coming across as conflicted with regards to loyalties - he certainly sounds like he was more loyal to Darth Revan than Malak. If it is Trask - and he is trained like Atton - then his suicidal "run" toward Bandon may have been something quite different.
Other than that my next thought is some male character from Taris, but introduced early (with the Taris backstory being just a cover). One of the duelling characters potentially, although from memory the two male human backstories (deadeye and gerlon) place them as being on taris forawhile. Or some Vulkar merc.
Anyway you have me thinking/wondering (and I love it when fics do that), especially if this lieutenant ends up being an ally of Daraz - and knows who he is from the start. Trask is def my favourite pick, as that just makes the Spire run all the more interesting, but I guess I will see :-)