|Reviews for The finer things in life|
| IronAmerica chapter 6 . 8/27/2011
A new chapter! It's the last one, but still! Oh... it *is* the last one. *is sad*
Ooooh sinus infections. Those are no fun. And yes Vince, you should know by now that nothing gets past Orwell (at least when she's sane, and not loopy...).
Despite the in-your-face shipping, this is actually kind of (dare I say it?) cute. It may be because this is the last chapter, but I think I actually don't mind the shipping as much... Hm.
Not many errors, except for a few dialogue markers that could have been substituted for different ones, and a comma that could have been replaced with a period. Other than that, excellent!
Chapter three was definitely my favorite. Scales! Awwwah! SCALES! Hey, what can I say? He's my favorite character, despite his occasional descent into moron/idiot-ball territory.
| XxDeathStarxX chapter 6 . 8/27/2011
The interaction between Vince and Orwell was very sweet and humorous once again. I absolutely love the way you write these two :) And Orwell playing nurse to Vince in this chapter was like a dream come true ;D
A couple of my favorite moments: 1) "'Do you know how great you are?''You may have mentioned it a few times.'" 2) "'You know I love you, baby.''You love me? Really?' the blogger asked with a dramatic gasp, clinging a hand to her chest." A big LOL!
All the chapters were really good, but I think that it's a tie between this chapter and the second chapter when it comes to my favorite one. The runner up might be mini Orwell's first school day. That was so über cute :D
| XxDeathStarxX chapter 5 . 8/20/2011
That was very cute! Vince and Orwell's miniature versions seem to have a pretty strong resemblance to Vince and Orwell, and it's not just their looks, it's the way they act too. You wouldn't mistake Elena for anyone else's baby even if she didn't look like Orwell :D She's absolutely adorable :)
| IronAmerica chapter 5 . 8/19/2011
It's finally up! Wow. Four hours of AIM conversations really made me want to read this one more than normal. :)
It's an interesting take on the dynamics of your established family. I'd have figured that Vince would be the one freaking out, but okay. What you have makes sense in context.
The last section is...well... It's shipping. Really good friendship, or I can just pass it over without taking any of the context out of the story- which is good where writing likes this is concerned.
I liked Matthew's declaration to protect his baby sister, and her reaction. Sounds like a lot of siblings I know.
A few nitpicks: I'm pretty sure you're not trying to drug Elena; that would be bad. I think you meant "shrugged", rather than "drugged".
The SPAG is alright, as are the commas used. However, you separated some sentences oddly in the beginning of the story, and created a run-on sentence. I think you'd also capitalize that line of dialogue, as he's speaking directly to a person. Don't ask why that works the way it does, I don't know.
Other than that, good story. I liked it. Seriously hope that Elena's adopted Scales as well by this point. It would be seriously lulzy. :P
| XxDeathStarxX chapter 4 . 8/9/2011
Orwell has 'some' learning to do if she actually wants her reprimanding to have an effect, other than Vince thinking that she's absolutely adorable and too cute for words. Haha! And Vince has definitely found a sure fire way to placate her, lots of kissing always does the trick. They're so cute together :)
| IronAmerica chapter 4 . 8/8/2011
Yay! A new chapter-even if it is more ship-happy than my all-time favorite chapter with Matthew and Scales (:)). This chapter is fairly well-written at the start.
You've started implementing some of my suggestions about speech tags and commas, which is nice to see. Makes for a much easier read, I must say. You've missed some commas, but most people won't spot that mistake, so it doesn't really need fixing at this point.
Oh Vince, you should have learned that with Dana! Couldn't get her to buy generic aspirin, remember? *sighs* How quickly he forgets that...
And my magic brain has deleted the schmoopy dialogue subtext...
Oh Vince, again with the stupidity! You were on several tours to a desert country where heat in the triple digits was common in *the SHADE*! You should know better, silly.
I was kind of hoping to see Vince fall off the ladder or something like that. I mean, you've tormented Orwell with sunburn (and freaked Vince out in the process), had Vince get a freak-out over misplacing his son, and a million other things... But you didn't make him fall off the ladder at least once?
But other than what I've mentioned, this was a fairly good chapter. I can still delete the subtext and the overt shipping, so all's good. (There goes half the story, but...). I liked this chapter, after Vince started realizing that he'll never win. It's funny.
| XxDeathStarxX chapter 3 . 7/28/2011
It all started so well for Vince, but what a day it turned out to be! First Orwell had to go to the doctor and then he lost their son. Scales being the 'babysitter' of Matthew was very funny, that would've been a sight to see :D Orwell jumping to the sky when the clown pressed his nose was hilarious too. Too bad she couldn't go to the circus and teach that clown some manners :D
Vince must be very glad that Orwell can't stay mad at him for very long even after such a screw up with their son :)
| IronAmerica chapter 3 . 7/27/2011
Didn't spot any serious or glaring errors this time. You don't need to use semi-colons to separate dialogue and actions. A period or a comma (or nothing at all) would suffice. The overall pacing of this chapter is pretty good. Not as much description as there could have been, but considering that each of these are self-contained one-shots, it'll pass.
I enjoyed this chapter, especially the opening. Clowns are distrubing creatures! *shudders* Doctors, on the other hand... *shrug* Okay.
The characterization is nice, I've managed to ignore the shipping so far (and I can still do that!), and the flow of the overall story works.
Not too sure how someone not in a rock band can have a metal freak-out though. I believe you meant "mental freak-out". SCALES!
His reactions are great, I'm going to steal this interpretation as well.
Oh, poor Scales; we abuse him so much without even meaning too. (But this is just too cute to ignore!) This little kid adores him now, and wants to adopt him.
Matthew's revelation, and Vince's reaction at the end, was *priceless*. I'm drawing strange looks from my parents because I'm laughing so hard, but that. Was. *PRICELESS*! "Did I say something wrong?"
Loved this chapter, by the way. :D
| IronAmerica chapter 2 . 7/16/2011
Hey Orwell! Nice chapter.
I do have some nitpicks with this one-you've got an overload of semi-colons where a coma or a period (or even no punctuation) would have sufficed. You were writing dialogue with that, and it's annoying to read.
You also misplaced a few words in commonly used phrases, but nothing so great that it detracts from the flow of the story. Most people automatically correct that anyways.
Moving on from the nitpicks, this was a pretty good chapter. At this point I can still put the Vince/Orwell into brother/sister terms (with varying degrees of difficulty). The overall stylistic flow of this chapter was pretty good too.
I enjoyed Vince's freak-out when he though someone had hurt Orwell. It was very in-character for him, and I could see that happening in the show. So, all's good. :)
| XxDeathStarxX chapter 2 . 7/16/2011
Very nice Vince & Orwell interaction! What would I pay to see Vince tossing Orwell into the sea and her reaction afterwards :D Loved it! The other thing I absolutely love is Orwell and her secretive ways. Poor Vince always has to go through all the things that could possibly be wrong with her! I bet he wouldn't mind being a reader like River to make his task a little easier. But hey, I can't remember an Orwell related mystery he hasn't been able to solve in your story - practice makes perfect, and Vince sure gets a lot of it :D
| IronAmerica chapter 1 . 7/7/2011
Good chapter. I liked the interaction between Orwell and the newest member of the family, as well as the interaction between the other characters.
I don't remember where Vince's sister came from, but okay. It works in the flow of this.
You could elaborate a bit more on some situations, but what you have now doesn't affect the flow of an actual story any.
Looking forward to more!
| XxDeathStarxX chapter 1 . 7/7/2011
After Elena had wailed just because Orwell had stepped a little too far from her, I was certain that she would've ruined Vince and Orwell's moment at the end. Luckily for them (and us :)), she didn't. But the real question is not why she didn't, but what was she curious about, the fireworks at the sky or the different kind of fireworks inside their car ;D Good work!