Reviews for watch his flesh burn
Shadows of a Dream chapter 1 . 5/7/2012
Wow. This is both vivid, poetic, well-written, original... and unsettling. Even though we don't really know these characters - they're OCs, and one is, well, dead - there are some very creepy elements. How the killer comments on feeling no remorse, and how no killing is simply a human construct. How the story ends with a cold, and yet almost gentle serenity, fitting for a horror fic based on an innocent book: it's not death, not how you write it, only "falls asleep and doesn't wake up." The simplicity of the terrible ending you're describing makes this even more unnerving. Your descriptions are fantastic. "Dark ecstasy" really hit hard, and the descriptions of the joy she has in wielding the knife. Overall, a dark but unique concept, and you've succeeded in writing it disturbingly well.
Proud to be Plug chapter 1 . 1/31/2012
Nightmare fuel indeed! I'm glad you put in that note about the character's opinions. XD

This fic is a good example of your best writing skill: the ability to conjure very sensual images with not too many words. Also, the ability to effectively characterise an OC with little or no dialogue, and without even using first-person! These are quite tricky things to do, so give yourself a big pat on the back from me!

There was but one typo: "she's not felt guilty in the lest".

All in all, this a rather poetic feel to it, and you've gotten the right balance of emotion and detachment from the emotion. Nice work!

-ProudtobePlug
bobbsnark chapter 1 . 10/22/2011
This is amazing, Cendi. I envy how well you write.

It's beautiful. All of it. I love how this is in the horror genre, and based on a childrens' book. 8D
Critics United chapter 1 . 10/4/2011
I am going to report this story! Because I have a big fat jiggly, Brazilian butt and I cannot find a better way to express it! I haven't had hot lesbian sex with my lover jewel because my biiiiigggg butt gets in the way! Please flame my forum. Critics United. Chas Aegis
Simple Chaos chapter 1 . 9/21/2011
It's a good story, it truly is. The dimension of the character is unbelieveable, and the way you write her past is heartbreaking. But through the story, you feel almost... emotionally disconnected. She's filled with so much rage. We know why, but we don't know how it feels, to be so betrayed, so hurt. To be left for worthless. To be cheated and lide to. Near insanity, so mad you cannot help but to seem at peace with whatever may happen next.

We don't hear her own thoughts, just her actions. No disjointed words that make no sense to anyone but her. No wave of anger like hot lead, dragging her down and suffocating her. No feel of final peace after the revenge she so desperately craved.

The story is great. Amazing, really. But you need to connect the feelings to your reader. Make them feel the anger eating up at them from inside. The feeling of hopelessness beyond words. The thought of final peace, or the sweetest memory you have bafore facing eternal damnation.

It makes the story come to life in a way no other thing can. Keep writing, it's beautiful. Really, it is.
InMyName chapter 1 . 9/20/2011
This was good.

If I have one critique, it's that "lest" in the sentence "she's not felt guilty in the lest", should be "least".

That will be all.
shingaling chapter 1 . 9/8/2011
You are really good at writing angst fics, you know? No, you probably know that already. :P But basically, great story. The plotline is splendid, though the image is not clear enough for me to make a nice description of her. I am guessing that is what you intend. (: And sorry for the short review, I currently do not have much time and if I do not review it now, I will most likely forget about this. :p

And if you have not noticed, I am trying not to use any apostrophes. XD I do not know why, just an interest right now. :D

Rating: 10/10.
deleteddecember2014 chapter 1 . 8/19/2011
THIS.

This this this.

What can I say?

It's beautiful, the way you describe her insanity. The way she just /snaps/ because he's cheating on her - her, a daughter of Aphrodite! I can taste the indignation there, along with the righteous fury.

I like her death (she's already broken and doesn't even know what's happening. Or does she, and does she just not care?) and your way of writing and ... [incoherent fangirling].

YOU WIN.

THE WHOLE DAMN INTERNET. *tackles*

[Side note: One of these days, I will get you to read Maximum Ride. You need to write for that, because that fandom needs some crazy.]
The Evil Sniff chapter 1 . 8/19/2011
To be honest?

This has to be one THE best horror fic that I've read around here.

You spare no pitty on the reader's and what your sentences will strike. It flows nicely. And an excellent reading for this fandom and genere.

It's contradictory and I love that. How you took a Aphrodite kid and twisted her.

Favorited.

Draco Ghost.
Chrissie DeKourson chapter 1 . 8/2/2011
This is really amazing. And sad... I remember that little book. :(

Might I ask, how does this confer with the PJO books? And who, is the Little Nutbrown Hare?

This is really one of the greatest stories I've read... Ever.
Kalen Bloodstone chapter 1 . 7/7/2011
I'm so glad you've written another! I've been waiting for one of these for awhile.

I'd say slightly over dramatic- that's all. Besides that perfect delivery, just enough to make you want to read the next paragraph. I didn't look for grammatical issues, so I can't judge on that point.

~ Kalen Bloodstone, Writer of Artemis F./Inheritance Cycle/Kate Daniels fandoms.
Mr.McSpiff chapter 1 . 7/7/2011
As always, Fred, I grumble at my inability to write quite how you do. However, I'll just flat out say what's on my didn't-fackin'-sleep mind; you're fucked up when you want to be. *Nods sagely* Excuse me while I purchase several firearms and blades, a bodyguard, and a few lookalikes.

... Okay not really, I'm not that paranoid as to need any of them yet, or that stupid as to think they'd work. My own sleep deprived ramblings aside, great piece! Soon... soon I shall have the tools to start posting four years of storyline Shrrg and I have cooked up!
Musafreen chapter 1 . 7/7/2011
What the hell. My review wasn't submitted? D8

*takes deep breath*

Okay, what did I say in the last one?

Tere are two things I love about this. One is the concept of someone usually regarded as a pushover cracking and well... just cracking. XD

What really grabbed me was the way you narrated the way she went insane, just lightly mentioning all she was /before/ while you show her doing it all. 8D I love things which are all about duality.

Very nice imagery. The way it was written; I could imagine all her feelings and actions and see how much sense it made from her perspective.

"I love you this much was a lovely, lovely line."

*applauds*

8D
Guest chapter 1 . 7/7/2011
8D

This is wonderful. messed up, of course. And with so much... duality.

Because the way you narrated how the sweet girlfriend snaps and just... well, snaps; is brilliant. I can envision her thoughts and feelings clearly in my mind, and everything makes absolute sense.

I like it. *nodnod*