|Reviews for I Can Feel My End is Nearer than They All Think|
| godess bubbles chapter 1 . 2/12
Oh My God I'm crying right now!I loved it...
| CF Vici chapter 1 . 2/14/2014
Just then, he heard footsteps coming up the stairs. So he quickly hid the parchment, just in time that George came in. [[ How did George get in if Fred put a strong locking charm on the door? You never mention Fred removing the charm the first time, just the second time]]
Everyone's here." George said excitedly. [[ comma after "here" instead of period. "George said excitedly" is not a sentence on its own; it is part of the sentence with the quote, which is why you use a comma inside the quote. You only use a period if you do NOT use a speaker tag. Call this the quote rule from here on out. ]]
you are the coolest father any child would ever want, no offence to Harry. [[ I'm confused why Harry would take offence to this. ]]
Fred heard the door slammed [[ Fred heard the door SLAM ]]
all yours, Fred." George said [[ comma after Fred instead of period ; see quote rule above]]
as h reread what he wrote for Ron [[ missing "e" in "he" ]]
as much as he wants." Fred told himself. [[ comma after "wants" ; see quote rule above]]
take care of my brother, ayt? [[ I have never seen "ayt" before. The dictionary says it means "are you there' buy that doesn't make sense in this context, so I assume it's a spelling error? Or maybe it's a slang that's not in the dictionary? Consider either giving context clues or changing it. ]]
hard headed at time but I know [[ TIMES ]]
haunt you if you even dare too. -and- But I just had too. [[ one "o" in these instances: TO "had to" and "dare to" are infinitives. Infinitives are always one "o"]]
hoped that when they do read his letter, [[ mixed tenses here. If you use "hoped", then you need to use "did" instead of "do". He hoped that when they did read..."]]
was shock to see Fred's name. [[ SHOCKED ]]
"It's a letter." Percy answered. [[ comma after "letter" See quote rule above.]]
"From Fred." Percy answered again. [[ comma after Fred. Quote rule. ]]
a few days before the war began." George said, [[ comma after "began". Quote rule. ]]
knowing that Fred will and forever be with them [[ nix the "and" ]]
I'm not sure I would accept the notion that the canon Fred knew he would die. He didn't seem terribly sensitive to such phenomena. I'm guessing he either never took Divination, or he did about as well as Ron and Harry, who both BS'ed their way through.
However, I think war is very scary business and soldiers often do write similar letters to their loved ones for "just in case" they don't make it. I think the letter is just as strong and touching if Fred wrote it more on the "just in case" than if he really "knew" he would die. However, that's a minor point and has only a small bearing on the entire story. On the whole, I really like the idea that Fred would have left such a note for his family. The sentiments all seem just right for what Fred would want to say to those he loved.
Incidentally, I cry every single time I read Fred's death. The only other death I cry over in all the books is Sirius and (the first time only) Hedwig. I miss Fred. Touching story.
| zanganito chapter 1 . 2/14/2014
I like that, although this story deals with character death, and Fred’s feeling that his death is looming near, it still manages to be humorous and funny. I think the humor suits the character well.
I sort of wondered how Fred got the premonition that he was going to die, but I suppose that’s not really the pint of the story. I like that he dealt with the feeling by writing a letter for the others. It shows his selfless side – since instead of feeling sorry for himself or scared at the thought of not making it, he thinks of his families and friends, and writes them a letter to help them deal with his death.
I liked the humor with Fred having to hide the letter from George, and only being able to write at certain times, like when George was in the shower. Yeah, I imagine it would be hard hiding something like that, since they always spend so much time together. I liked the humor he added to the letter, especially the part that he addressed to Ron, and his thoughts on it / "He'll be very mad, I'm sure. But then again, I'll be dead. So, he can be mad as much as he wants." Fred told himself./ That line was both funny and lovely.
The ending was nice, and I think that’s what Fred would have wanted - to have the chance to make everyone who is special to him laugh together after he’s gone.
| ATrueHufflepuff13 chapter 1 . 2/14/2014
This is so touching; you did an amazing job.
First, I really liked how Fred kept getting interrupted. When he wrote the letter, everything was still kind of chaotic, and he probably wouldn't have had a chance to get it all done at once. Also, the interruptions were at strategic places. They ended one thought and started another, and I like that way of doing things. He gave an explanation. He wrote to his parents. He wrote to his friends and siblings. Then he wrote to George. The different parts of the letter were separated by time, not just a paragraph break.
I like how George figured out he was up to something, but didn't ask. That was a good way to illustrate their twin bond.
A small edit. In this sentence: "Ginny, my lovely, not to mention, only sister" the second comma should be after "only," not "mention." So it would be "Ginny, my lovely, not to mention only, sister..."
This was full of humor, especially when Fred wrote to Ron. It couldn't have been Fred if there wasn't some humor in it somewhere. But I also liked how it showed a deeper side of him throughout the piece.
One thing that was a little odd was reading "*laughs*" when Fred was writing to George. It seems like "Ha ha" or something else would be a little more fitting. I don't know, it just seemed odd for a letter.
The ending was AMAZING. I like that everyone laughed when they got to Ron's part. It was a happy ending, even though Fred was dead, and it was very satisfying. I especially like the last line. So true.
Keep up the good work! I LOVED this.
| Faulty L0gic chapter 1 . 2/13/2014
This was a touching piece. The most poignant part was when Fred made everyone laugh as they read his letter.
I wasn't so sure about the title. I think it could be shortened. You might omit "I can feel" or "than they all think," or both.
Fred being interrupted while writing was a good move, showing the chaos of the Weasley household, and how Fred's still acting normal.
Every little part of that letter was effective, conveying sadness and what Fred feels about the addressee.
[Fred had to stop. He was shaking hard]
This is a nice way to show emotion.
And I like the melancholy yet happy last line.
| 17 Hope chapter 1 . 12/28/2013
This was really well written. I really liked it.
Fred's character was really good and I think you wrote him really well. The way that he struggled to write it and had to stop and start was really well done. I really loved his bit to Ron and found that really funny, also, the section to George was done brilliantly.
The only problem I had with it was that the ending seemed a little rushed but other than that you did a great job and overall it was really well done.
| tourist127 chapter 1 . 10/30/2013
| MidnightsRose chapter 1 . 10/25/2013
So cute and sad, I was fighting tears to the end
| Cheile chapter 1 . 8/20/2013
Oh goodness gracious, poor Fred! All these stops and starts, trying to get his thoughts in order. And George suspecting what's going on, yet not asking.
Each family member that's addressed is done so well...I hear these parts in Fred's voice and I can imagine his turmoil at times, like telling his mom to keep treating Harry as another son, and telling Harry to treat Ginny well or he'll haunt him, LOL.
And the part to George that he struggled to write...OMG, I nearly cried. Totally heart-breaking.
The ending seemed a tiny bit rushed, but I enjoyed everyone's reactions.
Found one small grammar nitpick: He just hoped that when they do read his letter, everyone in it was alive. [should be "when they did read his letter"].
But nicely done all in all!
| Green Phantom Queen chapter 1 . 7/19/2013
It's strange that Fred just randomly out of nowhere notes that he's going to die. But then again, wouldn't we want to give a letter to our loved ones should that happen? Wwe want them to know that live should go on and that they shouldn't mourn one's death, but celebrate the good times that they had with one another. That is what it means to be alive.
I love the mentions to George as if the two have some telepathic connection to one another. George did sense his twin brother's troubles but respected Fred enough to let fred do what he needed to do. If I remember though, Rowling stated that George never got out of the trauma of seeing his twin brother die. And it sucks that you would live while someone else died, but then again, if it was vice versa, I'm sure Fred would be in mourning for his twin brother.
Last but not least, the letter itself. He pours his heart down to the people he truly cares about despite his easy-going and prankster like attitude. He wanted to put that in his writing for them to understand that he'll always be with them in one way or the other. That line to sum up Fred's letter was very beautiful and it goes back to my point of celebrating people when they were living instead of mourning their deaths.
Thank you for writing.
| Wendy Brune chapter 1 . 7/17/2013
Ooh, I love stories about Fred! I think your letter really captured Fred’s tone. There’s humor in there, of course – how could it be from Fred and not have humor? – but we do see a more serious side of him, too. I think you gave him a lot of complexities and depth that we don’t always get in the novel. It was all just very believable and a little heart-breaking based on what we know the subject matter is mixed in with the readers knowledge that yes, he will not survive the war. Very well done.
To be honest, though, your beginning just seems a little rushed. I can’t immediately place when this story is taking place, so I was a bit distracted trying to figure that out. Then, I feel like you kind of jumped into Fred’s premonition. What made him feel that way? What did it feel like, thinking you were going to die? I think the opening could have just been a tad bit stronger so that it felt less like the setup of your story and more like the actual part of your story. A lot of times I felt like the action between the letter sections had the same feeling, as if they were just filler in between the important bits about Fred’s note. Maybe adding more details or even more action would fix this?
There were also some grammatical mistakes, like spliced commas, as well as some typos. Try to watch out for those!
Overall, I think this was a really interesting idea, and you were able to capture Fred Weasley quite well, making him a well-developed, complex character. Work on tightening up the non-letter bits and you’ll have a truly spectacular story here.
Good job and keep writing!
| Edhla chapter 1 . 7/13/2013
I'm not as HP-savvy as I perhaps could be, but I really enjoyed this one-shot. Chronological thoughts as follows :)
The first thing I noticed was the title. It's a little sprawling and longwinded, especially the "than they all think" clause; if you're considering revising this, I'd consider tightening it for impact.
I don't know canon well enough to be able to tell if "listen up" is in-character for Fred, but it struck me as very American.
Perhaps you could delve deeper into why Fred has this feeling that he won't survive the war? Maybe not a logical reason, but you could look at his feelings of dread, etc.
That second last line is lovely. Thank you for writing x
| IrishPanther chapter 1 . 7/12/2013
This was an amazingly-written short drabble depicting Fred's last days before his death during the war. I was very touched that he wrote to all of his family and his friends his thoughts on each and every single member. Fred always seemed like a lovable goof (more like a goof, with all of his tricks he and George would pull from time to time), and this definitely compliments his nature...or maybe it's a side that we've never seen of him (pardon my words, but I'm not as keen to the HP series as I wish I could be). Either way, this was something that I truly enjoyed reading!
In terms of SPAG, I believe that, with one simple re-read, you can find some mistakes and have a better chance of enhancing this already amazing piece of work into something brilliant! But remember, this is my opinion, and it's not meant to make you upset.
Again, I truly enjoyed reading this lovely written one-shot, and long live Fred Weasley! :)
| starlight.moon.princess chapter 1 . 7/12/2013
This was very lovely, and I think you've kept Fred wonderfully in character here. The words in the letter do sound like things he would say in canon, and I think that's a wonderful quality to see in any fic.
You've also kept the tone sad and upsetting, which is a nice thing in a piece like this.
There were a couple of SPaG errors, but a good beta will help you clean them up easily.
The speech at the end, between the Weasleys and Harry, seemed a bit stilted and didn't flow as naturally as the rest of the fic did. Also, line breaks to help signify the passage of time would be nice.
Apart from that, this was a nice fic, and I really liked the parts where Fred was writing the letter.
Well done! :)
| The Real F'n Scorp chapter 1 . 7/11/2013
I really enjoyed this short little piece. I thought you captured Fred perfectly, blending the serious with the comical/prankster side that we know (and love). Your writing itself was lovely, the tone well-balanced and the cadence of the story itself smooth (but for a minor places that I point out at the end). You actually inspired an emotional reaction in me with the different blurbs written to the people most important in Fred's life-that is the mark of an excellent writer in my opinion. A few specific lines I want to point out that I loved (and why) are:
((Mum, I would like you to continue taking care of Harry as if h(e) really (is) your son. You have loved him like a son and I want you to keep it that way. You have given birth to all of us and haven't gone nuts with everything that we do at the same time. You're the greatest mum that any Weasley could ever want. I love you and dad very much. Though I don't come right out and say it, I hoped that I was able to show you both that I did.))-this part brought tears to my eyes because I could seriously see Fred (or George) saying this to his Mom. Amazing line, just absolutely amazing.
((And between the two of us, you have the worst concentration. *laughs*))-I just loved the way you had the *laugh* put in here, it made me chuckle because it seemed so attuned to the twins personalities that I could see them actually write that to the other to let them know that they were making a joke. Good job.
((Just then, a cool gentle wind passed by.))-really loved this play on the supernatural aspect and how the group symbolized that it was Fred telling them that a part of him was still there with them, even if his physical being wasn't.
Now for a couple of minor critique points:
((with every crazy things George and I think of))-The flow of the line is a bit disrupted with the every here. It's just enough of a trip up that it made me go back to re-read the line to try and correct my flow and I couldn't. So, I'd suggest changing the line to something like this-(with all the crazy things that George and I could think of) just to fix that.
((as h reread))-you just need to add the 'e' on he here :)
((The days went by so fast that, the war was brewing near.))-I would just eliminate the comma and change the ending of the line to this: (The days went by so fast that the war was looming almost before Fred was ready for it). It continues the flow nicely and ties it all together. Again, just a suggestion :)
((After the funeral, everyone was back at the Burrow.))-With this line, I'd just remove the comma and say "everyone returned back to" to smooth it out.
Again, I really loved the story. You created an emotional little vignette that was also tempered with some of the finer aspects of Fred's joking personality. Excellent job!