Reviews for Dog Days Back to Flonyard
gino chapter 1 . 8/28/2014
i liked it i cant what for chapter 2 & chapter 3 to be up
gino chapter 1 . 8/27/2014
i thote it wes sweet i cant what for chapter 2 & chapter 3 to be up
Zombiez-R-Us chapter 1 . 3/14/2013
TAH-Hall chapter 1 . 10/5/2012
to tell you becky and shinku are related i think there are sister and brother, wait ther are. but other then that awesome just plain awesome
Erza chapter 1 . 7/30/2012
Erza chapter 1 . 7/30/2012
Do the second chapter already, I've been waiting for you to update it. 0{:::::::::::::::
TheFlyingHamster chapter 1 . 2/25/2012
Too much smiling!

:) That alone made me like this story! pretty good would like to see more
PostiveCharm416 chapter 1 . 12/27/2011
your story is amazing and i hope that you Millhiore & shinku's relationship go well. Update soon!

There is supposedly to be a second season of Dog Days and I can/t wait .
Kaiser dude chapter 1 . 9/25/2011
I'm going to agree with a few of the other reviewers on one fact alone: the story is rushed WAY too fast, and the events happen WAY too close together. I know because I have had a similar problem when I started out as a fanfic writer.

One other thing, I haven't finished reading the fic simply because the events happen way too fast. Most people write a story and elaborate on major events before making a smooth transition between one event and another.

I'll give you this advice since I also got into Dog Days anime and am about to write my own dog days fanfic; here's the advice: find a beta reader if you feel your story isn't good enough to be published, or you think you need a second opinion on the content of the chapters.

Truthfully, this story idea seems to be a starting point of many potential 'what-if' stories of when he comes back to Flonyard (Sadly, I'm also one of those who's about to write a story based on that concept).

Onto the review itself based on what I read; it has potential, being a ship-fic, but simple 'character A likes character B' stories seem rather generic and bland. I'm not much of a shipper, but I would prefer fics that have a most unexpected twist such as 'character A comes back, but a lot older and few memories of Flonyard'... something unexpected like that usually grab my attention.

Also, I am not trying to harp or be mean about this review, but I'm just trying to point out possible improvements; please don't think I'm being a troll or only criticizing with negative; My intention is to give you an idea of what might be improved so that the readers can enjoy the story better.
Lunar Wave chapter 1 . 8/17/2011
... This was one of three Dog Days fanfics in , but I'm telling you, this one went by way too fast that I can't even keep track off what's going on... But I appreciate the effort. Do your best. You just need to add details and you must make the scenes longer. And also... introduce a conflict in your story... A story without a conflict would be quite dull.

You can make at least three chapters with the plot for this chapter. It's not too late to change a few details, but at any rate, keep up the good work!
Blue Darkness Angel chapter 1 . 8/11/2011
nice story. but, i wish you couldv'e put a better ending to it.
Tsurishi Arashi chapter 1 . 8/8/2011
Oh my gosh! I saw this Anime and loved it. The characters are so cute and I hope they go back! If they don't do a second season, sad. I can't wait until the second chapter! :D
Skye Izumi chapter 1 . 7/28/2011
Finally Dog Days is in the select list, I joined your first Chapter.

By the way i've just posted a New dog Days story
Yemi Hikari chapter 1 . 7/24/2011
I agree to what two of your other reviewers say. It is rushed and you need to flesh out details. Thankfully, there is a very nice chapter replace system on this site, if you do choose to do a rewrite to flesh out this chapter into one with more detail, or even flesh it out to be multiple chapters instead. It also has potential and I would honestly like to see where you go with this, whether you flesh it out or not, particularly since writing does come with practice.

One thing I do suggest correcting is the fact that you refer to Biscotti as a “little village”. This is in fact an incorrect description of the place. First off, what we've seen in the Anime of Biscotti is not at all small or little. There are way too many streets and buildings to be considered small. It also can not be considered a village because it is the location of the palace and happens to have a market. Biscotti can't be considered a town either, because of the fact that the palace is located there.

One thing that I disagree with the other reviewers on is that this is the first Dog Days fanfic on the site. I actually reviewed the first fanfic, which was written in Spanish and since removed. That said, compared to the real first, this is a major improvement as I could understand what was going on in your fanfic, despite the fact that it was rushed. (And I honestly don't think it was simply a translation problem.)

I actually do look forward to the next chapter. A few hints for your fanfic on the technical side of things.

~ It is better, unless there is a good reason to do so, not to include the fandom name as part of your title. It would be one thing if you were writing a pretend second season, but then you would write it like this. “Dog Days II: Back to Flonyard”. Just an example.

~ When someone new speaks, start a new paragraph. This is a grammar rule. Also, be careful sticking dialog into the middle of the paragraph. It isn't bad grammar to do so, but it should be used sparingly, only when you need to do so. These will make the fanfic EASIER to read then it is now.

P.S. While I found Dog Days to not be one of the best Anime out there, with a few problems in the storyline, I will honestly be surprised if it doesn't have a second season. It has that kind of charm to it, which is likely why you wanted to write a fanfic for it.
ArmorBlade chapter 1 . 7/21/2011
I agree on all of the pointers Aquilon made, this is way way too rushed. Detail is a filler, but a necessary one to really flesh out a scene and not just throw them all together in one giant lump. I myself just finished watching the anime and think you too could do with a slight refresher by rewatching the show, it gives good inspiration and even some hints. From there take a little more time to pace out your story, look at some other expamples of other written works, and most of all experiment with how to view each scene and how the characters interact because of that.

However. On technical aspects of your story I can see you put in effort which isn't common, spelling and clean format leaves a good impression that you were trying at least. Rushed in the telling, yet somewhat meticulous in writing, I can't count how many times I've read stories that were the opposite and were horrendous because of it. So all I can offer you is to stick with that good habit D, the talent of storytelling though will develope with time and more writing, especially with some constructive critism as Aquilon replied with. Take it to heart and use it to become a better writer!

You are the first Dog Days fanfiction writer here, be the one to set the bar and give us some aspirations.
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