|Reviews for The Lost Hero|
| Midnight Glider chapter 3 . 12/22/2013
I happened to stumble across this fic and then being sucked into it as soon as I read the summary. Lovely vocab and very intriguing plot line that's just shrouded in mystery. I like how you've portrayed Link, even though he's lost his memories he's still on his toes and trusts his instincts completely. I really love how you describe the battle scenes especially when you compared it to a dance. I hope you'll update soon or at least whenever you can! Great fic, I can't wait to dig into all the others you have written!
| Davin Sunrider chapter 3 . 11/10/2010
Apologies for taking a few days to read this; Darth Real Life decided I had too much free time and decided to take some of it with drudgery.
Anyways, this was a good chapter. One of the things I like about this story is the way you describe the setting; there's just something about forests that makes them good for Fantasy.
Moving on, the action sequences were well done. You had good choreography here, especially in the opening fight and also the chase on horseback. You also hinted at some interesting elf powers, which I'm looking forward to in the future.
Finally, good cliffhanger. And that comes from someone who knows a thing or two about them. ;) Till next time!
| Davin Sunrider chapter 2 . 10/28/2010
This is a review for both chapters 1 and 2.
All right! Even at only two chapters in, this is shaping up to be an epic 'Zelda' tale, nice and intricate, just the way I like it. You establish your setting and characters well, and the pacing was also excellent. I particularly liked the way you structured the battle in the first chapter; I thought that was very well done.
The style of Link's narrative is fitting to his character; it's composed of language appropriate for someone in a medieval/Fantasy setting, but not overly formal, as some make the mistake of structuring dialogue in these kinds of stories.
The only real negative comment I have is on the wording in some places, but I think it's more of a personal preference thing than an actual mistake on your part. There are places where I would have worded things differently, but like I said, I think that's just due to the differences in our writing styles.
I'll definitely be eagerly awaiting the next chapter of this story!
| Seldavia chapter 2 . 8/26/2010
This story shows a lot of promise, and carefully written, which is saying a lot - so I'll leave the positive comments at that.
For constructive criticism - for I believe this can be made even better without too much effort - there are two points I want to make. The first is that Link is very chatty, even though most of what he says is to himself. Link in general likely thinks a lot more about stuff than he lets on, but in this story he's got an almost Sherlock Holmes-esque way of observing and carefully analyzing just about everything. It seems tough to do (especially when injured), and it does slow the story' pace and rhythm a bit.
The second is a show-don't-tell item. Leona is described as a very beautiful woman, and it's left at that. We need to know what makes her this way...is it her looks? The way she sits in the saddle? A forceful manner? All three? I don't think it ever mentions her hair color, if she's tall or short, and so on.
| Spiritual Stone chapter 2 . 8/25/2010
Ooh! ooh! Is it Ganondorf? XD
| Spiritual Stone chapter 1 . 8/25/2010
Good descriptions! You know my writing so again, you know I'm not so into long descriptions, but the way you've set this up is great.
Can't wait to see the other chapters!
| Wavebreeze chapter 4 . 8/25/2010
Aw, thanks for the mention by the way. :D You did a splendid job on this chapter, action is really your forte, and you did pretty well with the description. You paused to explain the cavern at one point, which I was happy about, but there was one bit that could have used a bit more description.
The new queen spider (not the dead one) was something that I had trouble imagining what it looked like. It must have been pretty big since Peffin was tied to it, but how big? That's the main focus here, how large the spider was and you can throw in some other stuff too, like the eyes and fangs (you actually did, but a bit too late for my liking).
In all honesty, that was the only part that I wasn't too fond of. I can't think of any plot points, mostly because it's not too developed yet. I wish I could be of more help, but for now I'll just remind you to be sure to give yourself a chance to describe the town being on fire next chapter. That will be pretty important.
I love the Troupe, they are hilarious. :) Riding spiders then eating them. How great. That's all I'm going to say for this chapter, keep up the great work!
| Wavebreeze chapter 3 . 8/21/2010
You were right, I did enjoy the banter between Link and the troupe. :) You've got some good characters there, each very interesting and in depth even though we've only known them for a chapter. The piece was very well done and I enjoyed reading it, but as a beta reader I must point out some things that could use improvement.
All the men talk in a similar fashion to the scavengers we met first chapter. Are they from a certain part of the country? Or does everybody there speak that way? It's a bit tough to know if they are elves sometimes, so I just suggest that whenever we encounter a new character you could mention whether or not they have pointy ears. The ears are like a peace symbol to other elves, it would be interesting to see more of that.
I like how the people blend in with the forest yet I'm not entirely sure how. By the way you make it sound, I doubt that they are wearing camo so it's probably in the movement. I think describing this movement more could be very interesting. They are silent, yes, but what else do they do? Do they sway with the leaves or have their upper body stay still as if they are trees gliding across the ground? Maybe they travel in the shade to stay hidden a bit better? Whatever you want to do, it sounds like such an intriguing topic.
I do hope you forgive me for not finding much else that could use a fixing. You really nailed the men's characters and had good description of the caves. I have a prediction that Link's courageousness will turn into cockiness and it could be his down fall. Just my prediction. :)
Great work as usual. I hope it isn't too much to ask, but may I ask you to please delay posting the next chapter for a couple of days? I'm pretty busy at the moment with the returning of school and I haven't even finished the first draft of my next chapter (those things take me at least of month). I just need a few days to get back on track with everything. You can post the chapter if you want, I merely won't be able to get to you in a few days. I'm sorry if this bothers you. If it does, let me know and I'll try to fix it.
| Wavebreeze chapter 2 . 8/20/2010
Lots of action this chapter and more background on what's going on. So Link isn't an elf then? I recall last chapter that he said he wasn't, though it's a bit confusing but that could just be the slowly-revealing-the-situation aspect of the story that I like so much.
Here are a few typos I found:
"'The human's death was unnecessary and poorly played, seeing as he was to delivery a message for me,' I asserted." Just get rid of the "y" at the end of "delivery".
And: "'That battle has left a dark stain upon our people, as well as upon you,' she she told me with chilling accuracy as to my state of being." Just have the word "she" twice. Aw typos, always invading great work with their evil ways.
Ha, I knew he lost his memory since last chapter! I didn't want to voice my opinion till I was sure. Right now, this reminds me of the Borne series and Lord of the Rings.
Here is a perfect example of how description could have made this chapter more flowing and realistic. Before you get into all the intense action, I think you should take a quick moment to describe the camp around Link (right as soon as you leaves the tent). It's an ambush, so I'm sure everything is in chaos but I felt none of that while reading it. Link later leaves the campsite because he knows fighting is a futile attempt, yet you never really show it. Perhaps have a group of five soldiers get killed in instants with deadly accurate arrows, or two men running into a tent and all you hear after that is intense screaming which gets ended abruptly? (I surprise myself with how evil I can be sometimes, though there are far more gruesome possibilities.) Therefore, with all of this terrible fighting and how obviously the elves are losing, it makes more sense for Link to abandon the fight.
He states how he wants to hep the elves fight back because they have been good to him, yet there are no feelings shown when he leaves. He probably understands that what he is doing is what's best, but surely some guilt or sorrow could be felt in him? Or maybe he starts feeling it but shoves it down, not one for emotions? Whatever you want, it's completely your story.
But there were many great things with this chapter. You do action scenes flawlessly while I normally fail at them. The brothers at the beginning were interesting and I like the reasoning they had for killing those guys. This story is highly original and well written so far, keep up the good work!
I'll be moving on to the third chapter now. I'll let you know when to send it over. :) (which should be shortly).
Great job! (And yea for super long reviews)
| Wavebreeze chapter 1 . 8/20/2010
Aw, I finally get to review your story. :) Sorry it took me so long when you read stories with amazing speed. I wish I could do that.
But I digress, back to the story. I loved the very beginning with its excellent description and it was a good scene to open up with, it really caught the reader's attention. I can't say much about plot related subjects since it is only the first chapter. But there were a few things that confused me or I felt could be enhanced (by your choice of course).
I like how you don't really know what's going on but slowly get a sense of it, like with the racism of elves and some other race, the war that obviously happened, and Link's superior skill, fearlessness, and power. I don't know if you remembered, but I mentioned in my beta profile that I love description, so here is me being picky about it. Battlefields are great and fun things to describe, especially when they are littered with corpses. (I sound like a freak now, don't I?) But, the main part of going into more depth about the dead bodies, is how they affect Link. If I woke up to a bunch of dead people, I'd probably either vomit, scream, or faint. His reaction is a key part to seeing more of him and you wouldn't have to do so much telling later in the chapter but more showing about his hard heart. I'd assume that the corpses have no affect on Link because, most likely, he has seen a ton before. Perhaps once he felt sorrow for them but learned to pull away from those emotions because they just weakened him? And it probably smells REALLY bad.
I have mixed feelings about the scavengers appearance. It was a great way to show the racism of the elves but I felt that you could have explained them a bit more. Are scavengers - looking for pricey objects on fallen soldiers - common at a battlefield? I'd assume that's the case, so simply putting in that detail could show how Link is so familiar with fighting, having seen them before. You could leave it the way it is though...kind of makes you think, you know?
Here is a bit of an awkward two sentences. The word "sword" was used a bit too much for my liking: "He came with his sword raised, which was a mistake he'll never have the problem of making again, for my sword was through his ribcage faster than he could have blinked. I pulled my sword from the slain man..." Words are normally easily replaceable, just use "blade" or "weapon" to make it flow a bit better.
And that was all I really found in this chapter. I hope I am not too harsh, I actually quite liked it. You opened up the story beautifully (as beautiful as you can get with corpses c:) and the scavengers were the perfect way to give a bit more background and to show Link's awesome fighting skills and his stone heart (but we don't really know how stone like it is, since it's still the first chapter). Excellent work with that, I will continue to read more.
Any questions? Feel free to ask, I know I can be confusing sometimes.
| fairyneko chapter 13 . 10/29/2006
are you ever going to update?
| East89 chapter 1 . 3/16/2004
I dont want to say this but... Brian you are kind of stupid. The Lost hero is your best fic, realy much better then away from hyrule or an old threat a new era. If you had continued Im sure you would have got more then 150 reviews. Please man update this is one of the best fics I have ever read at the top with Eternal Ark and Big Niz:s fic come on.
| Fiercewrathofthemighty chapter 13 . 9/3/2003
Come on man hurry up and update, you havent updated in lets se one month. This cant be excused if your not dead...
But god damed hurry up and update before I have to kick your scrawny ass! :)
| Veilius chapter 13 . 6/28/2003
This is very good! Please update soon!
| Tarivoxic chapter 13 . 5/6/2003
Beautiful. That last chapter there was really unexpected. This is has to be one of the best Legend of Zelda fics I've ever read. I'm not saying this out of flattery, it's the truth.