|Reviews for Collide|
| chrisfaithalin chapter 2 . 1/8/2012
Overall this story was sweet and I liked the concept of it. Your dialogue is very natural as well. My one constructive criticism, and I've noticed it in your other stories too is your use of ellipses. I know it is a stylistic thing and I understand your intention of using them. Your inner dialogue is a much more natural style and it seems you are going for a more conversational tone. I love that and I think you do well at achieving that. But, all of the ellipses and dashes just distract me personally. I usually see them used as to illustrate somebody stuttering, rather than just pausing which is usually shown by commas. I don't really see published works using them that often, it's more for showing stuttering like I said or a thought trailing off. Here is one example I would have changed.
And today, when they were trying to get me out of the cab . . . it hurt so much . . . but you held my hand and you stroked my hair . . . you called me 'baby' and promised everything would be okay . . . you told me funny stories about Marc and Amanda to distract me . . . made me sing 'I Got You, Babe' with you . . . I knew then that I couldn't deny it any longer . . . If I hadn't passed out from the pain, I would've told you in the ambulance," she revealed.
And today, when they were trying to get me out of the cab and it hurt so much, you held my hand and you stroked my hair. You called me 'baby' and promised everything would be okay. You told me funny stories about Marc and Amanda to distract me and made me sing 'I Got You, Babe' with you. I knew then that I couldn't deny it any longer. If I hadn't passed out from the pain, I would've told you in the ambulance," she revealed.
I think the second way looks cleaner and more sophisticated without losing any meaning. But, that's just my opinion, take it or leave it. Otherwise good story.
| cookie-dough chapter 2 . 7/18/2011
That was a sweet ending, I had a feeling Daniel was dreaming in the hospital, I'm just glad that it turned out I was right, as he couldn't live without her.
| BelovedSlayer chapter 2 . 7/18/2011
Yikes. For a minute there, I thought Betty really did die. Good to read it wasn't a dream, and the ending was adorable.
| gtiss83 chapter 1 . 7/16/2011
Wow, good start. You already got me wanting more. Can't wait to read the next chapter.
| BelovedSlayer chapter 1 . 7/15/2011
Good start so far. Looking forward to chapter two
| tencentsforadance chapter 1 . 7/15/2011
An absolute great start. Very realistic too, which is sometimes hard to find in fanfiction. The beginning was cute too :) Can't wait for the next chapter.
| cookie-dough chapter 1 . 7/14/2011
Another great start from you, and I can't wait to see what happens next. I wonder how the Suarez family will react to Daniel and Betty's relationship, and I hope that they won't blame Daniel for the accident, even though he does, partly himself.
| ptime chapter 1 . 7/14/2011
great story so far update soon