Reviews for Scattered Papers
The Death Frisbee chapter 1 . 6/30/2012
So, given that I was just in London for a while (and used to live there), I went to this one, since you hadn't listed a preference.

I admit I'm a bit confused as to the purpose of this piece (Mario as an Anglophile?), but setting that aside, your writing is generally solid and clear. I can't speak to the narrator's characterization as I am canon-dumb as far as personality goes - I barely played Nintendo as a kid, and so it's hard for me to visualize the main character. Still, there were some well-chosen details: I like that you're writing from an older, more mature perspective and it doesn't ring false or overly wise, all the same.

At some points, I feel this is a bit overwritten. Is Mario this much of a deep philosopher? Again, I don't know canon, but sometimes it seemed too high-language and too high-thought for the character that I _think_ Mario is. Simplifying might bring out the pathos a bit more, since there are times when he seems to be complaining a bit too much.

Architecturally, London does look like a mad composition, so that description worked well.

"with fear only visible in his heart" - this means that the fear itself is only visible there and nowhere else. I don't think that's what you mean. I think you mean that he's only afraid and nothing else. Either way, clarify this.

"It's my driving force, freedom is" - I think this would be stronger if more simply phrased: "Freedom is my driving force."

"Allo" is more of a French thing than a British thing. I think you were going for a Cockney accent, but I'd spell that as " 'ello," personally.

***

SPAG:
mechanically advanced
I could make a potential mark on the foundations of the universe, if I wanted to; it's mine for the taking. (comma splice)
There are accessible wonders
There comes a time when you realize: That's just it.
twenty-five
that's what I want; that is exactly what I want...
Ferris wheel
for which all must strive
docks of the River (caps, for the Thames)
I want to enjoy a cup of whiskey in a tavern playing a soccer game. - awkward. The way the sentence is constructed makes it sound like the tavern is actually playing the game.
I fear that as soon as I step on that plane, the kingdom will collapse (otherwise one too many 'that's - same fix with 'that there will be no savior')
CharmyMew chapter 1 . 8/10/2011
Interesting story. I never really thought about how Mario would feel, having to save Peach so much.

Excellent story! :)
James Terrazen chapter 1 . 7/21/2011
This is more than a perfectly-composed sheet of music. This is magic: a spell cast upon our beloved Mario that changes him for the better.

Take your bow with pride, sir. Bravo.
James Terrazen chapter 1 . 7/21/2011
This is more than a perfectly-composed sheet of music. This is magic: a spell cast upon our beloved Mario that changes him for the better.

Take your bow with pride, sir. Bravo.
RaiAkashi chapter 1 . 7/17/2011
You really have a way with words. A very magical way with words.