|Reviews for Tempting Tennis|
| StarlightTango chapter 2 . 7/26/2011
The story is very entertaining :D very funny n i rly enjoyed reading it plz update soon
| Chillybean chapter 2 . 7/24/2011
Hmm. Replacement for what?
Update again soon!
| Everlude chapter 2 . 7/23/2011
You asked for constructive criticism, so here it is:
To start with, you've given Akira a good characterization. Her personality is a far cry from the Mary Sues that plague the PoT fandom, at least so far that is. You also seem to have her train of thought down really well. The better you know your character the more real they'll feel when you write them. While we are still getting to know her so I can't say anything for sure, Akira feels like she'll be a solid character that should be easy to identify with. If that's the case, your story will be much more enjoyable to read.
Secondly,I like the tension you've added as an underflow to the story. The fact that the student body seems to be expecting something and the way the regulars are treating each other leave a certain feeling of curiosity in me as a reader. At the same time though, you've made it feel like it's something that shouldn't be disturbed because of the chain reaction that would spring from it. As the author you set the mood for your story perfectly with just the right amount of focus on the subtle tension Akira feels. Too much more, and it would have felt cheesy or annoying; a little less and it wouldn't seem important. Good job.
Third, your story is a bit dialogue heavy. While there is nothing really wrong with this, you may want to experiment with adding in more detail and see how you like it. It would add more depth to your story, and it would help to build the world around Akira into something more believable for the readers if you could pull it off.
Finally, I highly suggest that you find a beta reader or someone that is willing to look over your story before you post it. There's quite a few grammar mistakes, and several cases of you using the wrong word. For example you used bored instead of board and patients instead of patience. There's also a spot or two where the way you worded it feels awkward. Having someone else look over your work would help to catch most of the mistakes and improve the quality of your writing. You should also add a divider between your author's note at the beginning and the start of the story.
Keep writing, you have great potential as an author. If you have any questions about what I've said feel free to contact me. I hope this review has been helpful.
| gimmefood chapter 2 . 7/23/2011
I can't get why they're so... unaccepting. I hope to find out in the next chapter! :)
I like it so far, so update soon!
| demoncat13 chapter 2 . 7/23/2011
what happened with the "other new students" Jackal...adopted for lack of a better word.
| winterflowr chapter 1 . 7/18/2011
Akira's character is interesting-I like the way that she compares her hometown to Rikkaidai. And I love the fact that she plays tennis :D
| demoncat13 chapter 1 . 7/17/2011
why do I get the feeling all hells gonna break loose after that statement? nice start btw, this is gonna be a good story.