Reviews for October 2003
Manda chapter 12 . 1/5/2003
very AUish...and sad. the only thing I want to comment on is the dates. They were a little confusing, cause it says its 2004, and Ella's 3, and then it still says its 2004, and she's 16. I understand what you were doing, but it was still confusing. Its good, though, just a bit confusing.
benbrattlover chapter 12 . 1/3/2003
No offense, but this fic really sucks! It needs a lot of work. I hate getting flames, for my work, so I am going to try to not make this sound like a flame, but rather as constructive criticism. Your story is really bad, and makes no sense to your reader, WHATSOEVER.

For one thing, who are the twins, and the new baby's father? It can't be Mark, because he died while Ella was still a baby and Elizabeth didn't have another child with him. And since that is the case, how can Ella and the twins have the same father?

Secondly,it makes no sense to talk about Rachel dying in one chapter, and writing a letter to Ella later on.

Thirdly, like another reader below, mentioned, what is the point of Rachel writing these letters to Ella? I mean if she were going to talk about Mark and share her childhood memories of him with Ella that would be one thing - but all she seems to be doing is bitching about Elizabeth, and talking about herself in a way that sounds more like something Rachel would be writing in her own private diary or journal. Not like something she would be sharing with her baby sister.

No offense, but this story needs a LOT of work. Maybe you should remove this story from the site, think about the ideas, that I and the other reviewers have suggested, and then rewrite, and repost the story again later. Because the way it is written right now, your story makes no sense whatsoever, and leaves your reader very confused. Your fic needs a lot of improvement before its ready for posting. Sorry.
not trying to be a witchywoman chapter 12 . 1/1/2003
i know that you have already gotten flames on this fic. there are some things that are unclear in this. one of those is who is the father to the twins and the new baby? this fic is in need of some work, but maybe after you fix some of the errors and rearange it, you can repost it. just a thought.
still no point to this chapter 12 . 1/1/2003
This fic makes no sense whatsoever. Things are so jumbled around, it gave me a headache. Try putting lines in separate paragraphs so we can read them better. And learn how to write while you're at it.
kimmuts chapter 1 . 6/25/2002
Is this still working?

Testing!

xx
MonicaKateBingCastle chapter 10 . 6/6/2002
this is great! I can't wait to read more
CSIFan4Life chapter 9 . 6/5/2002
Another great couple of chapters. Please writ more soon!

*Jackie*
CSIFan4Life chapter 7 . 5/24/2002
I really like this fic. I can't wait until you write more!
Trekgirl01 chapter 7 . 5/24/2002
Okay, I'm a bit confused by the last couple of chapters, but maybe its because I was reading it really quickly.

Anyway, you've got a good idea here. Keep going, keep explaining, I'm sure it will be great!
Flame Thrower chapter 1 . 5/23/2002
Wee woo!Wee woo!Wee woo!Wee woo!Wee woo!Wee woo!Wee woo!Wee woo!Wee woo!Wee woo!Wee woo!Wee woo!Wee woo! Emergency! Call an ambulance! You'r an idiot!Wee woo!Wee woo!Wee woo!Wee woo!Wee woo!Wee woo!Wee woo!Wee woo!Wee woo!
CSIFan4Life chapter 6 . 5/22/2002
Please write more soon!

*Jackie*
kimmuts chapter 1 . 4/29/2002
You'll have to read on to find out why Rachel is writing these letters to Ella. I can't tell you more about that.

If we haven't seen something, it doesn't mean it couldn't have happened. And this is fanfiction you know...It might never have happened, but I just say it has happened.

Don't read on, if you don't like it. It will become clear.
And the point would be chapter 5 . 4/28/2002
Why exactly is Rachel writing these letters to Ella? It's obviously not Rachel's way to make sure that her memories of Mark get shared with Ella. It actually seems more like a bitch session for Rachel to complain about Jennifer, CRAIG (Jennifer's Husband) and Elizabeth. I'm sure that will really benefit Ella later on... reading all these letters that do little besides critize her mother.

The characterizations you're showing of Rachel and Elizabeth also seem incredibly far-fetched. We never saw on the show where Rachel was having sex, smoking, drinking or doing drugs when she was 12. Even this season, while she possessed drugs, cigarettes and condoms, there really hasn't been anything to suggest that she was actually USING them. It would also be much easier to follow this story, and relate to the characters if you explained why they were acting the way they are. Why is Elizabeth refusing to allow Rachel to stay in Chicago? Why is Rachel acting like she's Ella's mother and should be allowed to see her anytime she feels like it?
NYPDliz chapter 3 . 4/26/2002
Very good story! I could see Rachel writing this. can't wait to read more!
Sandra chapter 1 . 4/14/2002
Hi Kim, great fic. Keep writing. Ik heb net al je fics gelezen, ziet er goed uit en niet op die slechte reviews letten hoor. x Sandra
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