|Reviews for Moments|
| Souldin chapter 1 . 9/14/2011
I wouldn't say it’s 'too nice' to give a gift back for a birthday gift, just odd. It would make more sense to return the gift by writing a birthday fic for that person, provided you know their birthday of course. Anyway I best begin reviewing yet another fanifc of yours and I believe this one is the shortest one of all.
It's short but deep and sticks to the point it’s trying to make. What is being said within this short story is intriguing and is well worded. The vocabulary is of great quality, spelling looks to be pretty good, and it doesn't drag on, concluding exactly when it needs too.
Unfortunately problems are clear within this fanfic, the first being that it isn't really a Super Smash Bros fanfic. With exception to the single inclusion of Luigi this does not have any relation to Super Smash Bros fanfiction despite how easy it is to make a real life moment or thought connected to whatever series you are writing for. For instance you could have described the physical appearance of Luigi and Nana, wrote the initial moment that caused Luigi to think of moments, even describe their surroundings (from Luigi's thoughts I had the idea that they watching the sun over a serene meadow and as such you could described them reaching said meadow). The worst part of it all though is that Nana, nor any inclination to the second character being Nana (with exception to the knowledge that the other person if female), is not mentioned once in the entire fanfic despite the fanfic being labelled as Luigi and Nana. Putting that issue aside the only other thing I feel I should criticise you on is the following line- ‘But after what seems like years-
years in growth, years in creation, years in change.’
Which should be either a single line or the first ‘y’ in ‘years of growth’ should be capitalised.
This little short has quite a few problems but regardless displays some interesting thoughts and hopefully the receiver of this gift was pleased with it. Great job, keep up the good work!
| CharmyMew chapter 1 . 8/10/2011
Hmm, rather short, but I still kind of like it. It's true; moments you hardly think about can change eveything.
Yet another great story!
| Araceli L chapter 1 . 7/16/2011
I think speechlessness is the best gift you can give.