|Reviews for Prison Island Break|
| Fangs of Lightning chapter 44 . 11/2/2013
Definitely not too gay. Practically the entire cast's straight and hates the mere thought of being gay.
| Guest chapter 1 . 11/1/2013
Thank you for these chapters it's awsome !
| Yolandah-da-Hedgehoggu chapter 47 . 10/31/2013
This story is just so good... So good. I have ni complaints at all. The sibling rivalry was just right in this situation. We wouldnt want Manic to be like Silver...
| Guest chapter 47 . 10/31/2013
Quite an awesome chapter, Sonic is certainly more cunning and manipulative than everyone gives him credit for lol! Can't wait for the next chapter!
| ZiggyGebs777 chapter 11 . 10/30/2013
NO! THE CAKE IS A LIIIIIIIIIE!
| fuzzyzergling chapter 47 . 10/30/2013
Oh shit, it's back!
I thought it was dead!
| PhantoMNiGHT321 chapter 47 . 10/30/2013
Sonic's dick. But he's a good dick...What? Lol, anyway, wow! Sonic's damn near untouchable! I love this!
| Roseheart4271 chapter 46 . 10/29/2013
Oh my gosh, I'm so glad that it's back up! Please keep posting more!
| gothss123 chapter 45 . 10/29/2013
I love the name of the chapter! it fits perfectly :)
| Guest chapter 46 . 10/29/2013
OMG. So happy to see this updated! Great two chapters, especially this one, great to see Blaze return as the psychiatrist! Can't wait for the next chapter!
| DarkTrooper343 chapter 44 . 10/15/2013
Well done! I can't wait until the next chapter is available!
| DarkTrooper343 chapter 29 . 10/14/2013
Oh so something we wouldn't see coming, that's different than all the stuff we've read about so far? Hmmm...
Then it must be, that we'll be seeing some Procedure 110-Montauk? xD
P.S. I'm loving the novel so far, very consistent writing style, engaging story-line, very descriptive, [poor Tails :'( ] and overall excellent grammar and spelling, keep up the great work!
| Guest chapter 1 . 10/6/2013
Please guys ... keep up with this awsome story
| Phaenur chapter 1 . 9/11/2013
All right, I've been wavering back and forth on what to say about this thing for a few months now. Part of me - a surprisingly large part - wants to hate it for what it's inflicted on some of my beloved characters, but at the same time I have to admit I only got that far in because most of what you had in here was *working.*
So, how about a compromise? Constructive criticism okay by you?
First for what works. When your characters are in-character, it's amazing. The first few chapters have a wonderful attention to detail and it's obvious you actually care about the cast. Sonic, Tails, Shadow, Silver, and Amy are the standouts here; they've obviously had traits exaggerated or taken out of initial context but they're still not only recognizable but actually a logical extension of the originals in this AU. That makes the whole situation even more painful, especially for poor nonviolent-offender Tails.
Character *interactions* are absolutely beautiful, revealing flaws but also strengths in each main member of the cast (again, the five I listed above). You manage to turn the wildly different Shadow around and hint at things enough that we realize he's coming from the same place but took it in an entirely different way. Sonic's relationship with Tails is not only true to tradition but heartbreaking in this context, and even though the Catholic Church thing (the specificity, not the concept) was a bit of a stretch it didn't really break suspension of disbelief, so the God Squad provides a little light in the darkness.
That darkness is where things start to fall apart. TVTropes calls it "Darkness-Induced Audience Apathy," and it's why I bowed out of the story somewhere around chapter 25. When you've got a story as relentlessly brutal as this one there are really only two ways to make it work. One is the Warhammer 40K approach, where everything is so exaggerated it can't be taken seriously, but that's not what this story is trying to be. The other is the Westeros approach, which has to be *extremely* well-written in terms of character, plot, and a balance of things going wrong to keep the readers engaged (indeed, George R. R. Martin himself loses many readers as he goes, and he's still the success story). The issue here is that by the time I dropped the story you had gotten so sidetracked by the beatings and prison rape that the actual plot had fallen by the wayside. Worse, none of the characters really have any protective or proactive agency in this sort of situation, so good(ish) people - Tails in particular, obviously - are constantly brutalized without any chance at recovery or self-defense. At least in Westeros a lot of the punishments are vaguely karmic or at least tied to actions the characters took, or else they happen to essentially everyone at once; here it's just so arbitrary that it becomes physically tiring to read.
I mentioned that Martin's other strength was that every one of his characters was somehow sympathetic, even if only in their own minds, and this is another place where Prison Island Break falls short. Knuckles in particular is plainly *off* where even Shadow still fits into his canon characterization (vaguely). He's just a serial rapist who lays into his cellmates without pausing for breath; his personality as a guardian is completely erased to turn him into a pure antagonist - and in this complex and very personal kind of story that's not enough. Mephiles can get away with being a sadistic little bastard, but that's because he's kept at a remove from the prisoners. Knuckles doesn't get a free pass like that, and since he's the biggest threat to the more sympathetic characters (Shadow talks a lot but he's clearly starting to doubt himself by the time I stopped) that's a glaring oversight.
Mechanically, your work is fairly good. There are no outstanding errors in the bulk of the text, although there are certainly places that could use fine-tuning (there always are, right?). The sex scenes, however, are...well, let's just say it seemed awfully like you were writing one-handed for most of them. More typos, accidental fragments, and other minor errors slipped through in those scenes than anywhere else. Definitely a place to double-check before you upload. Tyops aside, those segments are well-written by lemon standards, I suppose, but at the same time they also gave me flashbacks to That Series over in the Redwall fandom. There's a mix of extreme detail and surprisingly repetitive word choice that seems to plague every lemon I've had the dubious honor of reading. I'm hardly saying I could do better, but then again I'm not interested in trying anyway. I've got less sexual ways of torturing my cast.
And that brings me back full-circle at last. You've got a damned good idea here, one that sadly seems to have gotten sidetracked by its own fanservice. I kept clawing at the screen waiting for the plot to come back in before I finally gave up, and even if there wasn't anything intrinsically "wrong" with the language there were still enough flaws and so much missed potential. I wouldn't care as much if it weren't for that potential; again, these are ironically some of the closest matches to the actual characters of the Sonic cast I've seen on this site. For a possible example of "prison fic done right," at least in my opinion, you could certainly do worse than checking out Little Lion Man from the Ace Attorney fandom (author: cyberwulf). It involves a lead character at about the same age range as these poor buggers and manages to keep a much more readable tone that oscillates between hope - even fluff - and extreme brutality. Also, unless I'm remembering wrong there's never actually an instance of rape in that story, but the *threat* hangs over everyone's heads constantly and is probably more effective for it. Whether you continue this fic, revise it, or move on, I wish you luck and happy writing.
| God1432 chapter 44 . 8/28/2013
I want moooooore.