Reviews for A Different Art
shugokage chapter 1 . 3/26/2013
Amazing story and interesting twist of the Art!
Hammerchuckery chapter 1 . 11/7/2010
Wagh! Oh woe is me to have a story so awesome be so epic be old! Gonna finish this in three or so days hopefully.
Rune Tobor chapter 3 . 9/12/2010
Good fic, glad its NOT only at one site. I'll need to reread it sometime soon, to catch all the things I missed on the first go round. Thanks for all the notes explaining game details and stuff.
Ganheim chapter 3 . 5/10/2009
Chapter 7: Aftermath of a Race.

would put this fic into an R rating just from a fifteen minute rant about living in multiple-deleted-expletives "Oz."

[There are times when the fourth wall should be left alone]

massive collatoral damage.

[collateral]

*ENOUGH! Having to spend time with you is punishing me, and as a magical guardian that is an intolerable state of affairs.

[Now that’s funny?]

The youngest Tendo thought that she'd found her niche.

[Wasn’t this ‘Midori’ with Genma Saotome, not Soun?]

Nabiki has come under the Rules for a copper dragon

[So what was with all the nymph stuff? You said that whatever transmogrification spell had been cast on her had worn off and she was still described as a nymph]

A Different Art, Chapter 8: Reunion

Keian nodded. "One year, two days ago, we were married.

[This states a time gap of a year from the end of the previous chapter (as Keian was in the race then and the implication I got was that he wasn’t married) but wasn’t Ranma about to go immediately to his Ordeal after the race? If this is the _next_ Ordeal (which seems to be the case from following narrative), shouldn’t that be mentioned? If he’s been gone all that time for a one-year-long ordeal, wouldn’t that be mentioned by now?]

then fly the rest of the way when the way was clear.

[Repetition of ‘way’]

Shampoo's horsebow, the main weapon she had trained in for months, gleamed with a fresh painting of enamel.

[Is this referring to a ‘self bow’?]

slaves, Shampoo.

[Missing closing quote marks]

Arabics wearing hooded

[Arabs, ‘Arabic’ refers to the language]

and following up with French (don't ask)

[Makes sense to me, the French ruled large stretches of Afrika and the Near East until they and Britain chopped it up following WWII]

Besides breaking the 4th wall (which seemed not funny enough to compensate, particularly as this isn't a parody), and the lack of properly chaptering the story, this actually looked like a good fanfic.
Ganheim chapter 2 . 5/10/2009
A Different Art 5: Travel

It has been said that time is like a river, not without some accuracy. For the main it flows in one direction, inexorable and relentless. It also has eddies and backflows, odd loops and sargasso-like dead regions, places where it speeds up and others where it slows down. Time has even been known to flood, jump its banks, or even get dammed up in a few areas. It can also, like a river, be bypassed or traversed as long as one finds a way to move other than drifting with the current.

[And so begins a long stretch that has a very tenuous link to the rest of the story – to be honest, even after having skipped to chapter seven, then read through, I don’t think it adds much to the progression of the narrative]

Yusef ("humble Yusef, you seek, I find; you pay, I tell")

[That sounds like more than a few characters]

Bad enough to face physical alteration based on one's own mental baggage, but if one had to face it based on *other's* perceptions...

[Now that’s an interesting concept that could really take off in an original fiction (which this section shoots off towards, if a bit too much for a Ranma fanfic)]

the year 232 AD, and in the Chinese Imperial Court.

[Just in time to not miss the trailing violence of the wars of the three kingdoms]

Full Scale Panic was vying for position with Embarassed and Annoyed.

[Reminds me of the joke ‘British Terror Threat’, raising it from Miffed to Peeved in July 07]

until their actually ready

[they’re]

Normally she could be a nice girl, if prone to sudden fits of overwhelming violence and some serious issues about her own feminity within the existing Japanese paradigm.

[Well, that’s certainly true]

The hammership signalled back an old Amazon saying: "Today is a good day to die, but it's a better day to get some cuddling done after the fight." Which had replaced the old saying of "Make love, make war, make cookies. Just not at the same time."

[I am without response…]

"You've only got one year, I hear."

"Promises, promises."

[Dark humour, gotta love it]

"Nyark!" Curly attempted to salute

[Well, it’s not quite ‘Narf!’]

Some say time was created so that everything doesn't happen at once. As anyone who's worked retail will tell you, sometimes everything happens at once anyway.

[Not just retail]

SCHING (for the uninitiated, that is the sound of a katana being rapidly drawn.)

[Just describing ‘steel scraping on steel’ in a manner that more explicitly said ‘katana being drawn’ would probably have been more effective]

off of Delphins ships and bases.

[Delphins’]

aren't I."

[Interrogative missing its question mark]

'Obey the customs of the village you enter' (go ni itte wa go ni shitagae) as they say."

[Seemed like Unnecessary Japanese to me, the point was made by the English with nothing really added by the Japanese]

few humans were where

[_there_ were where]

"It's quite simple, child," Stormshadow smirked and leaned up against a section of air as if it had turned solid.

[The effect compliments nicely]

tempramental girl

[temperamental]

Mage stopped in suprise

[surprise]

"isn't there a way

[Capitalization]

There were many squegee blinks.

[I don’t get it]

seek not to do evil, nor to encourage evil in others..."

[It is better to do evil than be evil-Boenhoffer]

figuring if family didn't count for something then what did?

[Canon Nabiki’s gone against this strain, but this is actually a reasonable divergence fic (at least on this point)]

And when the two rejoined, which would dominate?

[Who ever said anything about rejoining them? I don’t recall that being mentioned]

but they are completely unable to harm anyone who is good."

[Problem is nobody’s good without at least a shadow of evil in them]

Chapter 6: The Sadie Hawkins Race or, the pursuit of happiness, but whose happiness?

She did, however, get a chance to meet herself. Contrary to what some might expect she got along famously with herself.

[Who? A number of females were just mentioned]

and knowledge to be quite attractive.

[To complete the interjective’s separation, shouldn’t a hyphen follow ‘knowledge’?]

It seemed to have to do with timelines, alternatives, and how "he doesn't seem *nearly* the jerk" of something called the "cannon."

[Hey, this isn’t an obtrusive breaking of the fourth wall /sarcasm]

As he should, this was his ninth Race and most present knew better than to target the mage-ninja.

[Given the drastic demographics you’ve described, no matter his training shouldn’t he still have people after him?]

and raced unaccompanied into a song.

[Ugh. Song lyrics in the chapter work about as well as Tolkien’s (they take up space and the story doesn’t suffer in the least by skipping/removing them). My personal preference has been, when music has to be referenced, just to mention the title and step back from there]

Jared skated around the corner, taking him more than halfway up the ravine wall with a long trail of dust in a V line leading to where he presently was. A relatively small price to be going at 128 miles per hour.

[That _does_ sound amusing]

disguised by Shapchange,

[shapechange?]

he had to quick find

[‘quickly’ might flow better]

the wizardess said of what she considered a half-nymph,

[I thought that Nabiki was a human who hadn’t yet changed, not a half-nymph]

Another mage acting as a loose ballista.

[That just looks…odd]

He interpreted the readings in terms of his RPG knowledge,

[This whole bit describes nothing about the characters to me, it just serves to break the fourth wall and throw in unfamiliar terminology. As of yet (outside the author’s endnotes), you’ve done a good job of narrating the important information. Saying ‘LG(N)’ means diddly]

"HAI!" The chorus

[Unnecessary Japanese]

Since those two other humans here are fanfic writers,

[Why is the ‘fourth wall barrier’ being shattered?]

Uh oh x3

[clunky]
Ganheim chapter 1 . 5/10/2009
Can't deal with the "nots" then save us both some frustration and read... well "Hearts Of Ice" is mainly canon, sort of, and manages to at least touch base with the other three.

[Will have to check that out…]

Chapter 1: Ill Met In Nerima

Very bad terrible tragic stories of people who try."

[Tragic story of Spring of Drowned Bellanca Aircruiser]

"Since your box-with-legs ate most of my prize,

[But isn’t a satchel always a bag, generally cloth material?]

"NO. Want bag...

[If he’s wearing a translation ring, wouldn’t Shampoo’s speech (since she’s speaking Mandarin, her mother tongue) be at least as fluent as Ranma’s Japanese (which I assume the ring would cause him to hear her words as)?]

The spell hit with a polychromatic sparkle quite visible to the audience,

[Suitably flashy-sounding]

a very kawaii voice

[Unnecessary Japanese]

Her train of thought had not merely derailed, it had gone through the station and was heading for the cliffs beyond.

[Points 1]

The slim smile, the faint blush, the way she turned her head down and started studying her hands as she walked into a utility pole...

[Points 1]

"Tadaima!"

[Unnecessary Japanese]

(1)- Yes, Ranma forgets entirely about her until much later. No, this is not the end of Shampoo. Yes, she does get turned back. It isn't that type, but can't you just picture pulling a string and getting "Airen!" "Shampoo no like this game." "Man who play with woman's heart go very bad place." or "You no wants to mess with amazon woman."

[These little end-of-chapter notes are as funny as the chapter itself. I thought, based on the warning at the top, that it was going to be such an AU that I might not enjoy it, but this is almost as funny as Rowan Atkinson]

Different Art chapter 1, part B

"Oh, no. Nothing like that. It's just magic."

[Points 1]

"Magic is just doing something that the other guy doesn't know how to do.

[I love that definition. Reminds me of Arthur Clark’s “Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic”]

The coins inside were gold and about twice the thickness and size of krugerands.

[That’s quite a coin to have a large bag of]

skilled at HTH fighting.

[In the chapter text, you’d be better off spelling out most acronyms like ‘hand to hand’]

just changing base metals into precious ones could cause widespread economic upheaval.

[Besides being dangerous in a lot of fantasy worlds]

stuff when possible.

[Missing closing quotation marks]

Ranma readied a pattern of Chinese Sorcery(1)

[There’s a number here, but nothing on it later]

And he'd treated fifteen pounds of gold as not a big deal!

[Wouldn’t she have difficulty lifting 15 pounds?]

I do A Different Art."

[I’m not sure about the capitalization]

Nabiki, not sure how to handle this. Her weirdness meter had been pegged long ago.

[Points 1]

ships that had visited Japan a little over one hundred years previously.

[Steam-driven, smoke-belching monstrosities?]

then sketched a quick two finger salute towards them before disappearing in a swirl of his cloak.

[I am for some reason reminded of Chrono Trigger’s ‘Magus’]

(the Ranting villains he liked slightly more than the ones who snuck up on you and stuck a knife in your ribs - the former having at least a veneer of civility.)

[Funny, but ‘the’ should be capitalized]

Kuno drew and struck forward with his bokken.

"Glacial Grip," replied Ranma.



"Tatewaki Kuno will be in detention today. Miss Tendo, put the table down."

[Points 1]

"Subtle, Saotome. Real subtle." Nabiki looked over the bottle and noticed the wax seal had runes of some sort engraved upon it. (The bottle is harmless. The bottle contains the answers. The bottle contains treasure. You want to open the bottle.)

[Yes, extremely subtle]

and Ranma voluntarily leaving a meal before finishing was another Sign Of The Apocalypse.

[Possibly so]

"But I suppose I can give you a wish as repayment for freeing me and dooming your world. It's just too amusing to play these games."

[So cliché, and classically funny]

I shall flay your flesh, devour your soul, and make windchimes out of your bones."

[Points 1]

"HENTAI!"

[Unnecessary Japanese. And again below]

"PERVERT!" WHACK!

"Ouch, hey! Watch it! How dare you strike... Cut it out!

[Points 1]

Looks like the Seal Of Solomon's weakening him enough that normal attacks can damage him."

"Hm?"

"Oh, don't let me distract you, Tendo-san. Carry on."

[Who knew physical violence could be so amusing? Oh]

"You... ENEMY OF ALL WOMEN!"

"You know me?" Ratsfahrt was slightly flattered. Then flattened.

[Points 1]

"That BAKA!

[Unnecessary Japanese]

the six baka hentai… getting quite etchi

[Unnecessary Japanese]

"Hai, moshi moshi. Saotome-ke."

[Unnecessary Japanese]

MUTILATE, STUFF

[What?]

Instead of using the spell/level, a spell-point system from TFT was adapted for use in AD&D.

[I didn’t understand that (don’t know what the acronyms mean), but the story’s pretty good if a radical AU…actually, not so radical, I’ve read some really bad divergences that changed more]

Chapter Two: "Home Is Where The Heart Is"

thin chain attatched

[attached]

Akane was doing something unusual too. She had a glass in one hand and was listening through the wall.

[Akane, sneaking and conniving…it’s been a long time]

Akane twitched, what was obviously occurring in the next room sufficient horror that she couldn't seem to move.

[The grammar just looks off]

"FOUL SORCERER!

[It’s even funnier now because one of those descriptors is true]

Akane, dressed in a bunny suit, has just been pulled out of the hat and is hanging by her ears from Ranma's hand. "You're a dead man, Saotome."

[Points 2]

(Let's see Southern Cross

[Missing comma after ‘see’]

but she'll still d-hop

[she’s?]

"I ain't no officer, I work for a living,"

[That is such a retarded saying]

Say hello, Kyor."

*"Hello Kyor."*

[Points 1]

obviously being HENTAI

[Unnecessary Japanese]

Nabiki blinked again. "MY CAMERA!" Zoom!

[I’d have liked some different descriptive narrative, but that was still extremely funny]

"...would you take me with you..."

[As the question terminates here, I think closing on the question mark instead of ellipsis would be better]

chapter 3 "It's a nice day for a white wedding..."

to kill my iinazuke

[Unnecessary Japanese]

"Shampoo ask that Airen put spell back in place that let everyone speak Amazon dialect.

[What about that translation ring?]

Chapter 4 "The calm before the extreme precipitation hits the fan"

One of the endearing traits of the Emperor was that he had never actually sought power, merely accepted the responsibility when it came down to it.

[Given how many ambitious people enter the political arena, I seriously doubt that somebody who _isn’t_ ambitious would rise and/or remain in this position so long. Somebody who wants power more would rise up and even if not through coup d’état then through demands of resignation or something]

Varied between good narrative, humour, and technical problems (though, so far, characterization looked good). The problem is that you didn't split up the story by chapter, there's multiple chapters here.
Progos chapter 3 . 9/22/2008
*AWE*

It's hard to compare fics that are all so very good and all so very different, but your work rivals whydoyouneedtoknow's Dangerverse (a First Principles Harry Potter AU) in quality, complexity, and completeness. Very few authors on this site can be called Authors (think Narnian animals compared to Animals, rats versus Rats and so forth). You and whydoyouneedtoknow are Authors. I'd ask why you aren't writing original works for massive profit, but I recognise that your muse might require seeding of inspiration.
Rose1948 chapter 3 . 5/25/2007
I enjoyed this one very much. I never read the Ranma 1/2 manga nor watched the anime/OAVs. However, just from the fanfic alone, I can't say that I like Akane overmuch. *chuckles*

Please just write more. Your stuff is just so awesome!
mikebreslau chapter 1 . 9/5/2005
Very good fun, and well written as usual, but I have one nit to pick:

"Her eyes picked up the subtle fabrics of his odd clothing. They looked durable, but were as finely woven and looked as soft as silk. They showed off his frame quite nicely."

This is impossible to interpret. Her eyes looked durable? I assume the fabrics (not the eyes) were finely woven and soft. I assume that the clothing (not the eyes, not the fabrics) showed off his frame.

My scanning came to a full stop when I encountered this. It took a minute to decode. Please clean this up.

Otherwise, well done.
mikebreslau chapter 3 . 9/5/2005
I'm sorry that gregg's stories are so long, because once I start one I can't stop until it's finished.

Always a good read.
Delete Here chapter 3 . 4/20/2005
brilliant idea i love all the different races it is amazing how you have seamlessly explained everything to a point with no fallibles. i was wondering what game it was from?
Gundum M chapter 3 . 4/4/2005
that was good. if totaly silly.
dogbertcarroll chapter 3 . 4/7/2003
Good story but I lost track several times of what was actualy going on. Seems like I flipped two pages in some parts.

I liked the omake. I never would have thought of it. Of course I take my medication!
dogbertcarroll chapter 2 . 4/7/2003
The hammership signalled back an old Amazon saying: "Today is a good day to die, but it's a better day to get some cuddling done after the fight." Which had replaced the old saying of "Make love, make war, make cookies. Just not at the same time."

You have to love the amazons. If you don't they do evil things to you!

"IT WASN'T A PRAYER!" Jared shouted at the sky. "It was just an idle comment!"

LOL!

Before he passed out, Zen said a thank you. Clearly, there was a god. Also clearly, whatever he'd done in his life, he'd made it to the Good Place.

Great ending!
dogbertcarroll chapter 1 . 4/6/2003
Tatewaki Kuno stared into the mirror, tugging at the soft firm flesh of his face.

In the mirror, Akane Tendo tugged at her face in exactly the same manner.

Swallowing, Kuno opened the front of his kendo outfit, looked down, and screamed. A moment later, and he had confirmed that his bokken was the only sword he had at the moment.

LOL I would think he would enjoy looking at Akanes body naked. Of course not knowing if it would wear off would definately be a problem.

It began to penetrate. She'd fought a monster. Not a pervert boy like those fools who tried to mug her, not an idiot like Kuno, not a white slaver. A real live monster. And she'd been kicking its butt! Akane fainted but she had a grin on her face that would have required surgery to remove.

That was priceless. Akane the pervert slayer!

(1) Animal appears courtesy of Jim Henson and the Muppet Show. The humiliation of being defeated by a muppet furthers the Kuno hatred of Ranma beyond even canon levels.

As far as I know there is no force in the universe that can stop Animal. Well . . . Maybe Miss Piggy.

"Don't go to the dwarves for answer, for they will tell you they don't know, don't care, and will likely throw a party to celebrate this attitude. On second thought, maybe you *do* want to go to the dwarves..." -Selman the Halfling, "An Adventurer's Guide To Shadar" 851 6th Age.

An attitude I admire. Let's drink to the dwarves! Hell let's just drink period!

Great first chapter. I didn't think I would enjoy Ranma as a mage but I like the way this is going.
26 | Page 1 2 Next »