|Reviews for Manhunt The End|
| Fan of Nirvana 2015 chapter 1 . 4/15/2014
| fuck chapter 1 . 2/22/2013
| Guest chapter 1 . 10/6/2012
Cash could kick his ass. :D
| MKR0 chapter 1 . 8/11/2012
No reviews? Welcome to the future.
There are three main errors I wish to focus on: comma use, capitalization, and apostrophes.
You are not using commas in your story. Commas are used as "breaks" the reader takes when reading. I'm not that good at explaining, but here's an example of using a comma: "Billy dropped the bowl breaking it." should be: "Billy dropped the bowl, breaking it." When you read a story out loud, you usually take breaks when you read. The main reason you should use commas is because it would be too difficult to read out loud and make it sound like it makes sense. Basically you would be reading "Billy dropped the bowl breaking it." as "Billydroppedthebowlbreakingi t." and that is almost equivalent to "Hjkaqyfnbmsgrtwkdorjfgs." Try to imagine the characters saying the sentences. Do they ever use breaks? EVERYONE uses breaks, and it doesn't have to just be in a story. Try reading the story out loud. Did you use any breaks? Don't lie, because you are a member of EVERYONE. Commas don't only help the story make sense, but it also adds realism to the characters.
Okay, now it's time for capitalization. There are some sequences in which you forgot to capitalize "I". "I" is a reference to the speaker, and it takes the place of the speaker's name. That is why "I" is always capitalized.
Let's move on to apostrophes. Like the commas, you barely use any of these. Apostrophes work in two ways: they are used to combine words in contractions and they signal ownership. For example, "The dogs tail had been cut off." should be "The dog's tail had been cut off." because "dogs tail" makes no sense, and using an apostrophe for "dog's" means that the dog owns it. If there was no apostrophe to save the sentence, it would not make sense and it sounds like the dog doesn't possess a tail in the first place. For the contractions example, "dont" should be "don't" because if it were "dont", then it would be pronounced falsely. Either way, apostrophes should be used in both. HOWEVER, sometimes apostrophes are used in actual contractions for the word. AKA, "dog's" is sometimes meant to be read as a shorter version of "dog is".
Now it's time for the actual plot review.
The story is told in a rushed manner and does not take its time to describe the situations well. Unfortunately, not very many people can decipher this kind of writing well. It's kind of written as if the story was sped up from its original version.
Otherwise, if looked into deeply, this is a good story.