Reviews for Xformer
Shady Kitsune chapter 24 . 1/2/2015
If this is a cliffy how can it be complete?
OriginalElementa chapter 1 . 6/26/2014
I agree with sinsrfun10.
Do you not reread your school papers? Your first sentence: "oh grate", made me cringe
Good concept though
cynder chapter 24 . 3/27/2014
Please continue this is awsome I really want to read more so next chapter please
ZabuzasGirl chapter 1 . 10/27/2013
Update immediately, please!
Rikusolo84 chapter 24 . 12/29/2012
Please let there be a happy ending and don't forget to bring back Jazz please Melody deserves both of her parents
sinsrfun10 chapter 1 . 10/22/2012
Okay, you have a good concept here. However, your grammar and spelling mistakes are distracting me from the plot you have written.
First off, if you can't get a beta reader, read your story out loud. That will catch most of the grammar and spelling mistakes. Second, watch for homophones (your and you're are good examples of this. Third, use proper punctuation. I know this falls under grammar but I kept getting lost on who was speaking and what was happening. I don't know about the rest of your story, but I am not going to read the rest because of this chapter.
The first chapter is the beginning. It entices the reader to continue reading your story. It pulls them in, it lures them steadily into the world that you are creating (albeit is within another fictional world created by someone else). It also makes them keep coming back to your story and rereading it repeatedly.
If you are going to add detail, do not make it a throwaway detail. Commit to the details you are including. For example, the pj's-describe them. Why were they sitting in the back seat? What color are they? Are they your (as yet unnamed first-person narrator) favorite ones? Is it a two piece seat or are they footie pajamas because maybe she is secretly insecure about the instability within her life after she was kicked out of her so-called "safe haven?
After completing a thought or idea that cannot be connected to another sentence, begin a new paragraph. When she wakes up in the car the next morning, start a new paragraph. It will make the timing in the story easier to follow and the reader to understand where the story may be going more easily.
This is a great concept and the beginnings to what could be an incredible story.
Good luck and thanks for reading my review.
-S
Kittycatloveschu chapter 2 . 8/27/2012
epic shannon love it xxx
Kittycatloveschu chapter 1 . 8/27/2012
ooooooohhhhhhhhh its cooolll
Jimmy 144 chapter 14 . 9/23/2011
Very good. It is always fun when Galloway comes back to interfere (and gets thrown out of the plane). Thanks
Jimmy 144 chapter 13 . 9/22/2011
Interesting story. Not sure why you put the status as complete. Sounded like a lot more to come. Thanks
LynxOnSmoothies chapter 12 . 9/9/2011
Ninjas Wheelie and Brains, and the bots are cute. LIke it, keep it up, I hope to read more soon. ;)
LynxOnSmoothies chapter 11 . 9/8/2011
Wow, the twins are fast. Like the story, update soon please.
LynxOnSmoothies chapter 10 . 9/5/2011
Little short there, but I love the lead up!
LynxOnSmoothies chapter 9 . 9/2/2011
Heheheh! Make sure it's long and complicated for her, okay? love the chapter, please update again soon!
LynxOnSmoothies chapter 8 . 9/2/2011
Suspenseful moment! Please update, so I can laugh.
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