TARDIStime chapter 1 . 11/21/2015
Holy sweet fuck. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'd rather read Tara Gilesbie's "My Immortal" than this (meaning the original story, not your commentary. Your comments are brilliant). Somebody call the Doctor, Sherlock, or the Wincesters, because "Twila Beatiful Psyco Topaz" is one crazy mofo.
Me chapter 1 . 8/30/2015
It bad
Miko 2495 chapter 8 . 7/22/2015
Um...correct me if I'm wrong but:

Instead of the Spanish word "asegurdo", I think "arugato" is aiming for the Japanese word "Arigato" which mean "thank you"

Hey, I could be wrong but that what it very well looks like.

BTW: I will personally like to thank the fanfiction 'My Immortal' for giving me the ability to translate this in one second
LiLCnow chapter 5 . 12/9/2014
Guest chapter 12 . 11/7/2014
That "nu" for some reason reminds me of Voldemort's Nyeaaaah. Just saying.
That was anticlimactic. Even more so than when they just end mid story.
I'm definitely going to check your profile.
Guest chapter 11 . 11/7/2014
You a Dean girl? I approve.
I would bet real money that Hamez was going to say he was in love with Twill.
Guest chapter 10 . 11/7/2014
Can't he just make her explode? It's easy, he could do it even when his vessel was burning away.
Guest chapter 9 . 11/7/2014
Ironically, muy bean pronounced in Spanish sounds like how a prep would say muy bien.
By the way, every time she says moose I imagine a very annoyed Sam.
Guest chapter 8 . 11/7/2014
I'm from a Spanish speaking country and I can't see what the hell she could have meant by arugato, because even asegurado doesn't really make sense in the context (asegurado is an actual word though so thanks for not mangling my mother language). All I can think of is arrugado, wrinkled, which is weird.
Tequala could mean tequila, but there's nothing about tequila so maybe she thinks a part of Tila's name means tequila?
I was expecting worse Spanish, like the spelling mistakes some Spanish speaking people make (almost like this story is for the English language) plus worse grammar than this story, only in Spanish. I don't think I'm quite spared yet, though.
Guest chapter 6 . 11/7/2014
Actually, I think it's weirder that she's telling him to fuck off with a sad smile. I don't know, if she just said smile then I'd imagine a smirk or a psycho smile or something that made more sense.
And the knowing she's pregnant the night after reminds me of Species. Maybe she's a sociopathic alien created in a lab who was never taught grammar or spelling and she has some reality warping powers, a la Q, which explain this whole monstruosity and why everyone else is sucked into her "goffickness" and bad writing. That makes a lot more sense and actually sounds like a better story.
Guest chapter 5 . 11/7/2014
YES! Mark Pellegrino arguing with a crazy "goff" vampire chick is hilarious. And now I have a theory. She has hallucinations of Lucifer. How did she get her own Hallucifer? Well, maybe it has something to do with her becoming a vampire and getting suc bad grammar and spelling and the world not making sense anymore.
Sensei200 chapter 5 . 8/21/2014
This is story is in violation of the rules of . It is MST, which means comments inserted between the flow of a story (though it ain't much of a story.) To fix this... Well, you really can't. There are other sites that allow it though. Good day,
Sensei200, Critics United
Kintaraheart chapter 3 . 7/5/2014
I can't believe my immortal is still haunting me by leading me into this hell box.
Greener223 chapter 4 . 4/27/2014
You could use better spelling, but all in all, your spork is fine as is.
Thunderstorm Thoughts chapter 12 . 2/21/2014
I have never laughed harder than I have in this last hour. Thank you.
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