|Reviews for Bully|
| Guest chapter 1 . 2/3
| R e d chapter 4 . 4/21/2014
I've read a few greatly written bully!SasuSaku fictions but mostly, I've stumbled upon ones that are just...horrendously executed. Yours is different in that this time it's not Sasuke who is the bully nor is Sakura the complete stereotype of a bullied victim. You kept an important part of her canon personaility: her backbone. But what I found even quirkier was that you gave her Kakashi's same fetish... which I only found believable on the point that this book series is apparently part of the romance genre... So yes, I would like you to touch on that more because I'm quite surprised that this Sakura is not a prude at all. How did she become interested in this series? And why?
I also like that you didn't have her bullied before and that she actually had friends previously. Which might explain why she is able to stand up for herself (successfully is another story however). But now I wonder if I'm missing something... she's a senior in high school right now but from what I gathered, she has never been bullied before until that year so what has exactly changed? I don't think people can miss pink hair for 3 years but is it just because that ONE day she happened to get in an insane student's way that she finally gets targeted? Huh. Also, it sounds like her other friends go to another high school, why is that? (I know for plot purposes, this would be a good move to do but technical-wise, you need to make sure to fill in your plot holes even if it doesn't seem relevant as it helps flesh out the story more.)
Also, as for her reading quirk... if she is actually ashamed of people finding out what she reads (i.e. that scene where Sasuke picked up her book) then how can she so 'courageous' as to read Icha-Icha-Paradise out in the open? That, I do not get, so perhaps an explanation would suffice there. Is it because people never notice her before that she does this so publicly without fear?
And now for the final criticism. Sasuke. Okay, while I really enjoy the personality you gave him here as in he's a freakin' tease ... I am quite puzzled of his interest in Sakura. Yes, this is a SasuSaku but part of writing a romance is to build it up slowly AND realistically, not conjure it out of thin air. Heck, we don't even quite know WHY he's interested in flirting with her or if he's just playing around. And if he is playing around, why bother? And with her of all people? You must develop that. And no, "for some inexplicable reason, he is spellbound by this girl" is not a plausible reason - I have seen many writers use that line (or variations of it) in their stories and that easily divides them from those who actually -can- write. That is why I agree with you here with the end of this chapter... that line about her glasses was very out of character for Sasuke. Even if the personality you gave him does not even match his canon!personality, it is still within the bounds of realism. If a writer is going to use another author's character but put their own spin on him/her, they must always-ALWAYS develop the character in a believable way. You COULD have put that line in later but at this point in time of their ... "relationship" if you can even call it that, they are barely friends and hell, he just finished saving her. I don't think now would be the right situation to put the moves on anybody. Which is why I also quirked a brow when Sakura suddenly become self-conscious about her looks when she went into the bathroom. At first, I thought she was shaken out of her skin and was trying to take a breather - anyone who has been chased within an inch of their life by a guy with scissors, would not normally be worrying about impressing the pretty boy/girl in the next room. But instead you had her worrying about her hair-style? Again, too soon. Do not rush the romance! Even if your readers pressure you. If people want to witness a quick & unrealistic romance then they can watch a Disney movie. Otherwise, pacing is the key!
I hope you do not get discouraged by this review. There is a LOT of potential in this story; I would not have bothered writing out this essay if I didn't think you could do it. Keep writing and keep practicing! That is the only way you can improve.
| Kiri chapter 4 . 3/20/2014
Kick ass! I liked the story a lot. You made Kiba such a meanie... You probably don't have plans to carry on with the story, but I wanted to express myself anyway xD
| Ladyrouge214 chapter 4 . 12/9/2013
this story is kinda cute I hope you will update
| 13hexe chapter 4 . 8/7/2013
This is a very good fic!
Please update soon.
| lola1919100 chapter 4 . 8/3/2013
I really love all your stories, I hope you'll update them soon ( the ones that's incomplete of course).
| Guest chapter 4 . 7/16/2013
Please update soon it is really good I love it
| Sakura.Uchiha.26 chapter 4 . 10/13/2012
Oh update soon plz!
| betty69blue chapter 4 . 10/12/2012
Update! You take forever! Lol this is a great story!
| FallenAngelGirl96 chapter 4 . 7/27/2012
Ne ne ne r u gonna contuine with this story? Since u haven't updTed it in awhile so yea!... Update soon! Please!
| Askjdhsdkjgdsgsdk chapter 4 . 4/26/2012
That was awesome! Can't wait for the next chapter. _
| Freak-With-Issues chapter 4 . 1/30/2012
I just found this story today and I love it! I love the cute moments between Sasuke and Sakura! Please update soon!
| Guest chapter 4 . 1/25/2012
LIKE this 3 especially the Pity you get, when you look at sakura and the thing going on between sakura and sasuke is soo sweet
| CherryBlossomsLove03 chapter 4 . 1/23/2012
Another amazing chapter. It had me giggling when Sasuke said she looked hot in her glasses. I'm hooked on this story, please continue!
| Care Bear Assassin chapter 4 . 1/12/2012
Just loving this story so far. Keep up the great work!