Reviews for Pneumonia
Guest chapter 3 . 7/25/2013
I've had pneumonia, it doesn't happen that fast and suddenly, and once you have it it takes longer than a week to get better..
crotia chapter 3 . 5/10/2013
nice story. I liked it.
Roseabell16 chapter 2 . 7/14/2012
I really enjoyed the story but a tip for the future...don't put all the writing in one or two big chunks. It makes it hard for the reader to view.

If you put in some space between sentences or dialogue it makes it much easier for a persons eyes to follow. :)
madnessdownunder2 chapter 3 . 10/10/2011
And would charlie honestly not care that she was unwell, really? Not up to your usual standards!
madnessdownunder2 chapter 2 . 10/10/2011
headache and no coughing? i don't think so1
madnessdownunder2 chapter 1 . 10/10/2011
this ismnot good!
Bell chapter 3 . 9/28/2011
I like it please write more
RedSoxFan7 chapter 3 . 8/17/2011
cute story.
Blair.Alice. CullenLuvr chapter 3 . 8/17/2011
nice story
Cassandra96 chapter 2 . 8/11/2011
aww so sweet keep writing plz
alice-in-wonderland-22 chapter 2 . 8/4/2011
she's lucky she's able 2 move. when i had pneumonia i wasn't able 2 walk & had 2 crawl 2 the bathroom. i spent most of tpuhe time on the couch. barely had enough energy 2 eat but they wouldn't put me in the hospital. prayed every night 2 not die cause i felt like i was. pneumonia is awful
I think you know who chapter 2 . 7/22/2011
Cool story. And hi
emily-0192010 chapter 2 . 7/22/2011
I'm interested with what you have written so far. I love these types of story and I actually have a community where I believe I have just about all of the out there. Some constructive criticism if you don't mind. I think you need to add more beef to this. It reads like an outline at some points. For example "this happen and then that happened and then because of that...". A place where you could add more depth to it was when Bella was coughing. Okay so she coughed. But what did she feel like? You could say something like how her chest burned and it made her eyes water for example. Another point, where she said she started feeling dizzy. You could add in how the walls wavered around her and how her head swam.

So my point is that you have a really great base, but if you just added more details and more "meat" to it, it would be great. Have you considered asking a beta reader for help? Good luck