|Reviews for From Fake Dreams|
| Guest chapter 32 . 16h
Damn, I was hoping for the hammer to drop, but it looks like sakura made it safe. RIP Zouken
| Phususaur chapter 17 . 7/29
Harem is an interesting decision, and not one to be taken lightly... but Shirou is probably the only character I have ever seen that would make it work. He is a force of personality without the personality. He is so much more a sword than a man that in a mild polygamous relationship, there would still only be two participants. He is literally so high maintenance that he has to form as many romantic attachments as he can, and because of his selfless nature, he'll basically love them all as much as he loves himself. God damn, is that really a relationship? I mean, does he really count as a enough of a person to even consider himself involved.
I'm unsure whether to be disturbed or aroused at the notion that both Sakura and Rin are being drawn into this. I mean, is it kinky, or just disturbing?
| Phususaur chapter 15 . 7/29
Naruto authors say the word "Sheepishly" a lot. You also like to say "let it be known", a verbal tic I think you share with Perfect Lionheart. (not to say that your writings are similar, just that the prevalence of a fairly weak phrase is astoundingly more common than you would expect.)
Another good chapter. This is... huh. It's different. I can't really tell why, but you've basically addressed almost all of the complaints I've had about the series before even seeing my reviews. You're probably just much more skilled than I expected.
I think, now, that you're increasing the power level because it wasn't demonstrated much in any of the VN routes, instead of what I thought you were doing, which was sort of spiting (as in spite-ing, not spitting) the pacing because you were impatient. Can't wait for Saber and the other servants. Gil getting curious is definitely a Bad Thing, and I wonder when Shirou will learn about his fathers future knowledge. Also, can't wait for Archer. Is it going to be tragic? Yes. Funny anyway? Hell yes.
| Phususaur chapter 14 . 7/29
As always, I spoke too fucking soon. You're too good at this, dude. You make these small pacing and power level mistakes in a way that seems entirely unintentional, and yet when the time comes to make the story... phenomenal, you somehow do it. Well done. You've effectively reestablished the isolation of the Grail War by _bringing the major power players to him_. Arghh. I knew it. I just knew it.
Shirou's going to get one last power up, then the Grail War is going to fuck things up, along with this vampire dude. Well played. A bit disappointed you haven't played with ol' Gilly yet, but the subplot with Kirei-motherfucking-Kotomine seems to be leading there.
| Phususaur chapter 13 . 7/29
Well shit. I had almost forgotten you had the stomach to do heavy shit - that, and you're a Fate/Stay Night fan, which means... yeah. Not that that is any matter, because I kind of still trust you from Yet Again, and this is awesome in it's own ways. My condolences about Fred, although by now it's probably been a year.
I know I'm a bit late to the party, but I'm going through the review dance anyway. So far, quality is good. The chapter you were unsure about in the author's notes (nine?) was of considerably less quality (more rambling, less awesome), but you're still way above most fan fiction authors. You have a pretty good grasp on the characters, but you tend to overlook some of their main qualities when you talk about their everyday life - while externally consistent, a few of Shirou's remarks and comments are a little off for his character, and not very consistent with the changes. Another problem is that your OC's are a bit... same-y, in the sense that they all read like _you_. They are different characters, but they don't really resemble different people, just the same person after being put through different bullshit. Not that this is a problem - they're far from Mary Sues.
You also have a fairly good grasp of power scale, the problem is that you're impatient. It took Shirou until meeting caster for the second time to master his first projection, at least in the Unlimited Blade Works anime. This slow sliding scale is important because the Magics of the Nasuverse are a little more unforgiving, and a little... sparser? Less potent? Basically, not Age of Gods material. The powers of the world are fading as much as they are growing, and while a Magus of sufficient age and quality can be legendary, there's a reason the Unlimited Blade Works incantation is special. The VN tended to forget this itself sometimes, and it's a common affliction in fanfiction, but the problem with increasing the scale of the story is that it loses some of the tension - the characters have reserves to keep themselves afloat, and the antagonists are less satisfying to get rid of, because even though you raised the power of everybody equally, you haven't done it _proportionally_.
You change the fundamental tone of the Grail War and the town itself by introducing the Association at this early point in the game, and it might be counterintuitive to the story to do so. You effectively break the purpose of the Grail War in Unlimited Blade Works by training Shirou beforehand, because the point of the Grail War existing was as an excuse to get Shirou to develop magically. Him growing to fit his role through direct conflict is what brought the tension into the series. This is why Shirou is conscripted instead of voluntarily entered, it is why he is largely untrained, and why he and the rest of the town are isolated in the first parts of the story - granted, a significant part of it was that the reader of the visual novel needed to be convinced that what happened to Shirou could just as easily happen to him or her.
This is not a major problem, but breaking the self-contained nature of the story turns it into a typical shounen. It makes the fan-fiction feel like fan-fiction, instead of writing that contains the same characters.
Other than that, it's brilliant, and I certainly don't intend to stop reading it. A few more things of note - in regards to prose, try to start and end chapters with bland statements, just as a tip writer to writer (not that I am a very good one, I made four or so crapfics on my profile just to qualify for beta-reader). It's a personal verbal tic of mine, but I find a lot of writers will start their story with such a line. (ie. "it was a dark and stormy night", or "the sky was the color of a television turned to the wrong channel") You also have a few of your own unprofessional verbal tics, which, while for the most part having faded, are still prevalent. Of the few I can name, I would probably stop referring to characters by their descriptions (ie. "the faker said"). Not only does it damage clarity, but it also promotes the misconception of characters by associating them with their ideals and traits rather than their personality, and tends to cast a two-dimensional shadow on them. You aren't that bad with this, but there are some examples - calling Shirou the faker draws attention to his powers, which again, are kind of out of place and a bit overpowered. (Not broken, just misaligned - he only had bad odds, not _impossible_ odds, which is a problem.) I would think of this along the lines of calling Rin "the Tsundere" or calling Sakura "the shy but suspicious one". I think you might actually be struggling with something along the lines of this, because you mention understanding Rin outside the conceptualization of the Tsundere character archetype. (which is why she is a Trope Codifier rather than a straight out example - Nasu is a bit meticulous in making sure his characters don't always align perfectly with desired archetypes.)
In regards to your early villains, I think it's really a cheap bandage to cover the fact that Shirou is currently projecting AWESOME this early in the story. Their motives are weak, and they aren't subtle about trying to draw Shirou into an attack. The problem is, you've already dismantled the "cause I'm a hero derp" motivation of Shirou to a certain extent, and the sword analogy seems to me like a cheap way to pull the motive out of your ass when you need it. If he was entirely concerned about other people, even if he was trying to undo the self-destructive portion of the motive, I think it would have been more effective to demonstrate him helping people from mundane problems rather than talking about it. Saying, "oh he fixes electronics" is far less convincing than the two minute scene of him fixing a heater in the anime of Unlimited Blade Works, and it comes across as an informed attribute until you make him do stupid heroic shit like he did in this chapter. The villains drawing him into this fight and sacrificing himself (however unfruitful that turns out to be) reeks of Asspull sheerly to preserve conflict. And again with tone, despite the Grail War, in the original they were very rarely pulled into a conflict they weren't explicitly prepared for in some way. The vampires despite being consistent with the Nasuverse (does Tsukihime count as a crossover, however minor?) seem like out of context villains.
Honestly, these aren't really complaints so much as suggestions and corrections. The story is fine on it's own, but I feel with a better grasp on _why_ things happened in canon the way they did, you would make it better. (and before you say so, NO, I don't mean cause and effect. You are quite good at putting things together based off of that. I mean narratively. Why was Shirou forced into the Grail War, what did it do for him as a character? What made his and Tohsaka's relationship contentious? Why was the Grail War _scary_, and why is that significant?) Basically, try and go through everything your high school English teacher taught you about author's purpose, and go through the Nasuverse with a fine toothed comb. That, I think, is the step to making your stories go above "that one fan fiction with a ton of words" to absolute legends.
This is still (let me stress this) pretty fucking awesome, but it's awesome as it is related to the works it's based off of, not quite awesome for all of it's own merits. Good luck, and I can't wait to see what's in the next chapter. Now that I think about it, I think it was pretty fucking stupid of me to put my scathing constructive criticism in before reading the resolution the the cliffhanger. Oh well. You probably resolved it (if my model of you is correct, and I certainly have more than enough words to construct one) by giving Shirou a power up of epic proportions (again), introducing someone as a permanent villain for the Grail War (expected), and had him rescued by I'm-in-my-twenties-and-clearly-a-reoccurring-character-sensei. (all very important. I sense you are adapting her into someone's love interest, otherwise, you wouldn't have vaguely foreshadowed her tragic past.)
Thanks for the story. I admit, most of this feels epic. I'm just a bit of a... weirdo, when it comes to standards of fan fiction. I like to think of myself as a sort of "Faker of words" type of dude.
(also, OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT THAT CLIFFHANGER)
| Guest chapter 30 . 7/29
"What wrong sakura, are the worms acting up"
Ya, instant bone killer, not that I had one in the first place.
Geez, you keep hinting at bad things happening to her, but it hasn't happened yet, I been waiting so long, the shit needs to be hard. Go zouken!
| Windninja1000 chapter 39 . 7/27
I have just one thing to say to that... Shit.
| Nafram chapter 39 . 7/26
Ah, I reach the current end of the line, I've spent the last 3 days reading this beautiful work of art, and I look forward to the resolution.
It feels as if the war is at best 10 chapters away from ending, it feels as if it's all ending. Hopefully we will get a lot of content on the aftermath of the war.
It has been so far an incredible pleasure to read this fic, and I hope to see the next chapter soon
| Sucker chapter 28 . 7/26
Welp, this chapter sucked... Kiritsugu summoned as Assassin struck me as a really good idea, but you managed to throw it all down the sewer with this absurdly owerpowered bullshit. Well done !
This entire fanfic is dedicated to sucking Kiritsugu's d*ck.
| Hercules8 chapter 8 . 7/25
I really like Sirius. Especially seeing is how he is so much like the Scotsman from Samurai Jack, only makes it better. I would really much like to see Sirius fight a Servant, I think he would win!
| Hercules8 chapter 7 . 7/25
That was so funny with that scene Sirius, Waver, and Taiga. Comedy gold right there! :)
| Giral chapter 39 . 7/25
"Illya's respect for Shirou dropped inversely proportional to her pity for him"
That sentence could use some work for more clarity. Maybe:
"Illya's respect for Shirou fell as fast as her pity for him grew up"
Just nick-picking, but great work as always.
| Hercules8 chapter 2 . 7/24
Awesome story so far, keep it up! :)
| sgtSkirata chapter 39 . 7/24
A friend recommended this fic to me when UBW started last fall. At the time my only knowledge of the Fate series came from Fate Zero. I read a few chapters and decided to stop till UBW was closer to the end. Now, a week of intense reading and hype training later, I am finally ready to say this work is golden. As an aspiring writer and an engineering major I was joyfull to know someone could not only participate in the two but do so so well.
| Victorules chapter 39 . 7/24
I have no idea what it takes to stay true to so many different characters, but I want some of it myself!
Scary writing skill aside, I think characterization is the best part of any story and you shouldn't feel like there's a lack of action at any point.
Also, I am a bit confused by you choosing to insert a scene where Kotomine is being a douche but not the one where Caster shows up dropping bombs on him. I mean, why hide something so much more impacting besides the slight suspense at who the visitor at the church might be? I am really curious how that conversation went.