|Reviews for Forbidden Zone|
| A reviewer chapter 6 . 10/25/2013
I got to say, while I enjoy the plot,your writing is just full of mistakes: you constantly replace "your" by "you're" or use words that don't even exist, your work is nothing but parragraphs and parragraphs of purple prose. The characters aré just so "dark and gritty" that they don't seem like actual persons.
| Sue Donym chapter 6 . 6/15/2013
I really loved this, hope you pick it up again someday.
| Y-ko chapter 4 . 1/14/2013
I wouldn't really think a naval ship would have private showers, though.
| Marskatr chapter 3 . 9/29/2011
Squeal~ Cute fluffly love. Will keep reading this. Might add it to favorites too, since I like it so much. :) You can always tell when I'm going through a phase, I read a bunch of one type of story and the best of them end up in the favorites bin. x3
| bridgedweller chapter 1 . 9/28/2011
You're not a bad writer, but there are a TON of simple errors that are very distracting - I'll demonstrate, this one sentence:
Sure there was peeked interest in the early days; the days when she'd set tongues a'waggin at the old garbes she wore, but the site of her tanned thighs and exposed mid-drift turned into background chatter like everything else in this shit-world.
Has the following errors:
1. peeked should be piqued
2. garbes isn't a word
3. site should be sight
4. mid-drift should be midriff.
I can't tell if you just don't know the words or don't actually proof-read your work at all. The other option is that it's a character thing and she's getting the words wrong on purpose because of her brain injury.
Other than that, you DO NOT put a comma after a line of spoken dialogue. eg:
"What skin I have left, I treasure.", he drolled on melodramatically,
The correct way to do this is:
"What skin I have left, I treasure," he drolled on melodramatically,
Also drolled should be drawled, I assume.
The comma goes after the last word of the spoken line. If it's a question mark, like in the next line:
"Mind if I share a drink with your other-half then?", she queried,
Then you can do away with the comma entirely. I'm not sure how you've managed to pick up something so strange in your writing.
You need a beta badly. If you have one already, you need a better one.
| LillyWhiteRosePetals chapter 6 . 9/12/2011
thanks for the update and stop beating yourself up about taking so long between them. Yes we all enjoy reading our stories BUT we also understand people have lives. Of all the fan fics i read YOU update more than the other AND you put our quality.
Thanks and i will always read, if its weekly or monthly or more.
| pseud0zombie chapter 6 . 9/10/2011
Poor Charon XD that scene had me in tears, I was laughing so hard! Once again, I was quite eased with the chapter. You're doing an excellent job of transitioning their relationship
| Happy Drifter of Cold Winds chapter 6 . 9/10/2011
"Instead of doing anything she would have assumed, he grumbled and wrapped his arms around her waist; soft ghoul flesh almost a strange squishy texture around her bare skin" this was so sweet :) loved it.
I was a little surprised about Charon getting high on that fungus/algae/whateverthatshitwas. It was hilarious and very well done. His unwavering self-control is amazing and loved how you wrote it. I hate to use the "in-character" phrase but it suits that situation quite well.
'-he rearranged their arms with a grumble and pulled her up against his side a little too tightly. "Let's starve.", he said; voice with a heavy drawl as it seeped hotly on the top of her head.' There is something very sweet and beautiful in this sentence that I can't put a finger on. Anyways, I liked this part very much :3
There were so many wonderful things in this chapter that I cannot find all of 'em ' Maybe I should read longer chaps with a notebook where I collect the "pearls" of each chapter and then point them out to you?
You don't write nonsense, there is always certain depth in your text even if you put some horror/sex in there too. I really love the way you write. Oh, and flashbacks were cool :)
Your chapter lenght is a curse and a blessing. If I am tired I don't feel like reading anything long(I might not read it the first time I see someone update, but I will come back to read it later) but when I start reading I don't wanna stop.
| strangegibbon chapter 6 . 9/10/2011
I love the way you use the flashbacks to insert scenes of sex and horror into the story - you get a sense of the narrative spanning a great amount of time (even if not much is happening in the now) as well as giving us insights into the LW and Charon as people as well as their relationship. It's a unique way of storytelling you don't see too often and very well done here.
Really enjoying this fic, a few typos and grammatical errors but nothing too distracting.
| TheLionTree chapter 6 . 9/9/2011
glad to see a new chapter. Congrats on the new lap top. Can't wait for your first book to come out hint hint hint.
| function chapter 6 . 9/9/2011
I'm nearly speechless. I gasped and screamed when I realized Charon was tripping balls. I'm surprised (and excited!) to see that you're following it through to the end. I'm really looking forward to the next chapters!
| Happy Drifter of Cold Winds chapter 5 . 8/27/2011
This chapter have to be the sweetest, sexiest thing you have ever written :O (and I won't complain about the length of it even if I could.) It is simply incredible how much you can make Charon hurt over things and the way you handle the emotions is brilliant. And don't forget the smoldering sex... oh god.
"He towered over her after she begged him to stop", yeah, I like that when that happens..happened.
"He said nothing, but if she squinted in the dark she could have sworn he was watching her", this is just a snippet out of many others that made all warm and happy inside :) thank you
| HarlequinRavenwing chapter 5 . 8/21/2011
Yet again you have managed to intertwine so many different emotional responses into one completely cohesive peice of writing that allowed me to understand just how desperately lonely and yet, how completely fulfilled the LW feels when she is with Charon.
For all the false and somewhat dulled feelings she has when she is trying to be 'normal', to seeking her thrills with a pull of trigger, I find my heart breaking for her that she has reached out to this ghoul who, at the moment, appears to be far from the ideal companion for her, and I wonder if it is her desire or his heart that will win out?
Maybe the fact that they are both 'damaged' in some way (him with his apparent issues about his ghoulification and her with her brain damage), makes them the perfect couple?
But as you so wonderfully capture in your writing, thiers is far from a perfect world.
Another wonderful chapter FLSC...bravo.
| sugarbombs chapter 5 . 8/20/2011
i think these stories are amazing, you add so much depth to the characters that i really care about what's happened to them - unlike other stories where the lw is a whiney vault kid. you've made them much more real, keep it up can't wait to find out what happens next!
| LillyWhiteRosePetals chapter 5 . 8/20/2011
Enjoy the smut as much as i enjoy the grit you write.
keep it coming
i try not to start your updates before work for that reason alone.