Reviews for On a Cross and Arrow
Arrogantt chapter 12 . 11/25/2012
I was half worried that I wouldn't find this here, and I would have to go to FIMFiction to ask the author's permission to put it here. Imagine my surprise when I saw it here, posted under a different name, no less! I was worried for a split second.

Nevertheless, I'm supremely happy to see this here, and I'm looking forward to updates to the sequel. This was easily among THE best pony fics I've read.
L.C. Li chapter 12 . 11/24/2012
This is brilliance. Utter brilliance.
vega37 chapter 12 . 11/18/2012
First of all, let me say, wow.
I had seen a lot of art of the genderbends, but never actually read the fanfiction!
And I can immediately see why its so popular.
The personalities of each of the genderbends were spot on. Most of the names were great, but I didn't really like Butterscotch. It makes me think of a candy maker pony, not one that works with animals. Also, Prince Artemis is okay, (though in Greek mythology Artemis is a girl) but its the Anarchy Apollo that doesn't work. I can see where you got it from, as Apollo is Artemis's twin, but he was the god of light. Nightmare Moon was against the sun ever rising again, so I don't really think it fits.
I loved a lot of the romance in here, but sometimes it may have been over the top. Rarity's and Elusive was perfect and hilarious. I could totally see them in a sappy romance, and it makes sense that they would want each other. (Thy are a bit vain and they know what they want in a pony) Futtershy's and Butterscotch's was very cute, I liked how they were very nervous around each other. I kind of wished that the was the end of the shipping. I didn't really understand when AJ and, uh, AJ, went after RD and RB, and then the Rainbows said they loved each other. I loved the part where the confessed it, but it was kind of like the Applejack scenes had no effect on anything.
I liked the relationships between the Applejacks, as well as Twilight and Dusk. It fit their characters very well, and I enjoyed them very much.
I absolutely adored the best friend relationship between PP and BB, it was exactly how they would have reacted. Celestia help anypony that was trapped with them!
Speaking of Celestia, I think you portrayed Solaris very well. I like that you changed his mane color, pink wouldn't be very manly, which you definitely made him sound like. I liked their playful attitude a lot, it was nice to see that Celesria can have a little fun too.
Only a couple sections rather confused me on the literature part;

"Before Applejack could open his mouth to ask the question on everyone's mind, the library's door swung open. Stepping into the threshold came the familiar form of Dusk Shine.

"Dusk!" the suitmaker changed his own question. "Where have you been? What exactly is this all..."
The only part that I didn't understand was where it says Applejack is going to say something, but then is says Elusive changes his sentence? I don't know if this is an error, or if I'm just not understanding.
I also didn't understand the letter swap. If Dusk wrote it, then why did he write it as if he was Twilight? He wouldn't have known all at she would've said or felt. Unless, again, it is my fault, and I didn't catch something. Did they switch letters before they left?

Overall, fantastic story, you portrayed it so well that I could perfectly picture everything in my mind, as if I were watching an episode.

The ending was perfect, you left us wanting more, though you didn't have to continue if choose.
If you do continue it, I'm sure many people will eagerly read it, and I will certainly be one of them.

Keep up the good work! (Sorry for the long review!)
GingerTyPerior chapter 1 . 11/17/2012
Did you know that this story is so popular, that there are multiple people who make videos of it on YouTube!
Inkweaver22 chapter 12 . 11/16/2012
Let me just say that I can totally see this being an actual MLP special episode. It was almost like reading directly from Lauren Faust's personal storybook! The characters were portrayed perfectly (except for those 'naughty' jokes of course.) I especially enjoyed when Pinkie Pie met her double. I don't think I've ever laughed so hard before! XD I even teared up at the farewell which was so expertly written. The ending was even better! It left me satisfied, yet curious for more. Over all, this is a perfect start for those (like me) who are just getting into MLP fanfiction. If I had to score this, I would give it a perfect 10. /)(\ *brohoof*
Screw Canon Ships chapter 12 . 11/14/2012
Jenna chapter 1 . 11/11/2012
BEST FANFIC EVUR im even making my own sequel to it! And plz dont be mad at me whoever created this!
iTsTealblast chapter 12 . 11/11/2012
Great story bro
grrtomboyrd chapter 12 . 11/10/2012
SWEET CELESTIA'S MANE THAT WAS AWESOME! hehe dont tell the princess i said that or she'll go all trollestia on me. loved it. i could barely contain my laughter at some parts. i've looking for a fanfic like this for a LOOOOOONNNG time. daaaaw... loved how dashie and flutters and rare confessed there love for themselves. i could totally see the pegasi falling in love but rarity and elusive sorta freaked me. femme applebloom the end was just adorable. shes the best cutie mark crusader! the solaris/celestia part was funny. i could see them teasing each other as good friends but cant see them in a relationship. keep up the good work bro and continue the applebuck fanfic as a sequel!
Guest chapter 12 . 11/8/2012
Plz plz plz plz plz plz plz plz plz plz plz plz plz plz plz plz plz plz plz plz plz make a next chapter and i mean PLEASE!
Maran Zelde chapter 12 . 11/8/2012
The yellow sundress sounds like it would look good on AJ, even though she doesn't go for girly stuff.

Two Pinkies are twice the fun, and I'm SO glad their friendship didn't turn into romance. I love how they pronounced the quotes around 'JAY-JAY'. Pinkie was extremely obvious when she said, “[I]t's not like I fell out of a dimension that's just like this one, save that everypony's genders are opposite, right?” I'm sure Berry picked up on that. Pinkie is silly and random, but she's not stupid, so Berry must not be stupid either.

And then...The Chase. The chase more than made up for the teased “hoofwrastle.” AJ outsmarted her male self and figured out how to use his larger size against him. And it was amusing when she used Pinkie as a lasso. AJ did have the advantage of knowing more about Male!AJ than he knew about her. Still, the whole scene was awesome.

All that time spent hiding in the cave ended up making the meeting between Twilight and Dusk more rewarding. It worked a lot better than I expected, especially since there was no creepy shipping between them. I still think the cave parts should have been spiffed up by a few visits from the CMC, though.

I can only assume this story was written before Shining Armor was retconned into the series. The connection between the names is interesting: Dusk SHINE; SHINING Armor. Though I suppose it's not that surprising, since there are only so many masculine-sounding synonyms for sparkle.

The AppleDash and Rainbowjack moments were nowhere near as off-putting as the other ships, but they did feel tacked-on in a fanfic that's already overloaded with shipping. If there had to be any shipping in this story (you seem addicted to it), I think it would have worked better if the main focus had been AJ/RB and AJ/RD, and Elusive/Rarity could be the tacked-on ship, played purely for laughs instead of the sweeping, touching romance it's apparently supposed to be.

And I groaned when it turned out that the only reason the Rainbows were disgusted with Elusive/Rarity was their melodrama, rather than their incestuous romance per se. When the Rainbows confessed their (ugh) true feelings for each other, I was saying, “No, stop falling in love, you have no reason to be falling in love, STOP IT!” (H/T Marzgurl) Loving yourself and learning new things about yourself are all well and good, but this is taking it a bit too far.

But even if I ignore the issue of what kind of birth defects the colts would have if the couples procreated, I still think all these pairings go against the spirit of the series. The biggest lesson of FiM – the one that spans the entire series – is that you should make friends with people who are different, and your differences can complement each other. But the lesson of this fanfic is that your soul mate is someone who looks, thinks, talks, and acts exactly like you. Normally I don't look for a lesson when I read a story, but I make an exception for FiM with all of its letters to Celestia.

Speaking of Celestia...Well, I'm sure you can guess my reaction to her relationship with Solaris. Still, it was kind of cool to find out what he looks like. And his very existence could explain why Celestia has a nephew even though Luna never had children and I'm pretty sure Lauren Faust says they have no other siblings. Maybe Prince Blueblood originated in the alternate dimension.

I was thinking that Lunaris would be a good masculine version of Luna, although Artemis is all right. Anarchy Apollo doesn't work for his villain name, however, for reasons other reviewers have mentioned. Something as cliche as Dark Side or Dark Horse would suit him better.
Ihavenoaccount chapter 12 . 11/4/2012
I have to say that this is a wonderfully great story. I keep thinking I will never find a story as good as the last, but i am surprised by authors such as you. There are many great stories and this of one of them. I do hope you continue your work though I am sure you won't because this was finished long ago, yet if you do there is much potential for a sequel and many including I would be delighted.
Your Reader
Abbey chapter 12 . 11/1/2012
Oh my gosh please continue! please i am literally BEGGING you!
Maran Zelde chapter 6 . 10/31/2012
This fanfic has a simple yet intriguing premise that makes me want to keep reading. The characters are mostly IC, and the scenes of Rarity and Applejack connecting with their AU siblings are genuinely touching.

However, the story could use some improvement. I'm getting almost as tired of the cave as the Mane Six are. The excursions into Ponyville are a welcome relief, even when they veer into awkward shipping. I expected Twilight to ask Dusk for help as soon as she realized they could interact with their doppelgangers without any immediate disastrous effects. At least that way they might be able to get home faster (might being the key word: you could always stretch out the story by making it difficult to figure out which leyline leads to their Universe).

And I'm surprised the CMC didn't return to the HEDGE to check on the “secret agents” - particularly Applebuck who knows that AJ is family. Weren't they the least bit curious? Visits from the CMC would have added some much-appreciated diversions to the Mane Six's cabin fever.

Also, I expected there to be more focus on the battle of the sexes and less on the romance. I felt a little ripped off when the two Applejacks talked about hoofwrestling but never got around to it. The chase with the two Rainbows was cool, though. I wanted to read more stuff like that, and less of the squicky romance.

Am I the only one besides the Rainbows who is creeped out by Butterscotch/Fluttershy and Elusive/Rarity? Each pairing is an unholy combination of incest and narcissism. Although I admit, I always thought that Rarity might try to make out with herself. I don't hate her, but let's face it: she is kind of vain. And she knows exactly what she wants in a stallion. So it makes sense for her to hit on herself. But I expected better of Fluttershy. She should have told Butterscotch that although she likes him, she can never love him way a mare loves a stallion.

At first I was willing to give Fluttershy a pass, though. Maybe a girl who doesn't have a brother wouldn't know that she isn't supposed be attracted to someone who is genetically identical except for one chromosome. But I threw that pass out the window when the Rainbows showed their disgust over Elusive/Rarity.

Going into this fanfic, I thought that half of the Mane Six would be antagonistic toward their twins (like Rainbow), and the other half would sing “I've got a new best friend and it's me” (like the Doofenshmirtzes in “Phineas & Ferb: Across the 2nd Dimension). I hope that Pinky Pie and Berry Bubble will be true bronies, even though one's a girl.

Finally, the Apple family members' dialogue needs to be toned down, or at least tweaked. The biggest problem here is the misuse of “y'all.” Contrary to popular belief, there is a right and wrong way to use y'all. The word is actually a contraction of “you all.” As a test, mentally substitute “you guys” or “you girls” for “y'all” and see if the sentence makes sense. If it doesn't, replace it with “you” or even “ya.” FiM actually gets this RIGHT, unlike SpongeBob – which makes AJ's dialogue in this fanfic all the more cringe-worthy to me.

Also, be very careful when using “tain't.” The only time I can remember a character saying it is in “Over a Barrel”: “Tain't fair.” My understanding is that it means “it isn't,” but I don't think I've ever heard anyone use it in natural speech – and I've had a lot of friends and acquaintances from the South – so again, I'd use it sparingly, otherwise it could end up sounding awkward, as in “Ah tain't lyin', cousin!”

Outside the dialogue, the narration occasionally includes words that are odd or out of place, like from Chapter 2: “Rarity replied, though she herself was looking a bit twitterpated as well.” The only place I've heard “twitterpated” is in “Bambi,” used to describe lovesick animals. Based on the context of this chapter, I don't think you mean that Rarity is lovesick, but I'm not entirely sure.

All that being said – and to conclude on a positive note – I really did enjoy the progression of events when AJ visited the apple stall: from talking with Applebuck, to answering to her name without thinking, and then talking with Butterscotch. And the way Butterscotch casually says "Now that I can see the both of you, he doesn't look THAT much like you" was brilliantly timed. Male!Applejack's suspicion of AJ is understandable, and I like the relatively subtle way he recognizes part of himself in her, while still not understanding the full implications of what it means. Even with the tease of the hoofwrestle, it's still one of my favorite scenes in this story. This might have a lot to do with AJ being one of my favorite characters, though.

So I'll continue reading and report back at the end to let you know how enjoyable or awkward the rest of the story is.
Reli Garro chapter 12 . 10/29/2012
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