|Reviews for Supernatural Hunter 1 The Young Colonel|
| Nvara Aelfly chapter 1 . 3/17/2013
I really like this! However, there are two things I'm a little confused about.
The first thing I'm confused about is your summary, specifically this part:
Story also includes Tamara-Hunter who lost her husband who was forced drank Drano by a Demon.
What did you mean by forced drank Drano?
Also I was a bit confused whether this was finished or not.
| MQDK chapter 1 . 12/30/2012
What? It can't end like that?! Gah what happened to Jake? And dean and sam?!
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/2/2012
Not bad, you captured the voices of Jake/Jack and Dean very well. I was alittle confused at times as the story had a few gabs, but I really liked the idea of Jake being the unknown protector of dean and sam... :-)
| farawaygalaxy chapter 1 . 6/10/2012
Loved your story. Please update.
| Eliza Hayes chapter 1 . 8/12/2011
The jumping around was intentional. The Supernatural show was Changing Channels was like that. I can see how it could be confusing.
I will make the next story in the line more straight forward and less jumpy.
Also I made it so the Winchesters had no idea what Loki/Gabriel did to follow closely with the Supernatural canon.
I'm going to have Jake fight the demons with the other hunters. Maybe organize them. Haven't decided yet. Also haven't decided whether Jake is going to tell Tamara that he was a TV character that Gabriel brought into existence. Hunters aren't tolerant (understandbly so) of the supernatural beings and being a TV character made real falls into that catergory.
| Sakiku chapter 1 . 8/2/2011
Oh, I love the idea of Epona/Loki/Gabriel bringing Jack into the 'real' world!
The rest though is a tad confusing. It feels like you took an at least 15k story and cut things wherever possible to squeeze it into the 5k it is at the moment. Some more descriptions/explanations would have been awesome, because as it is now I felt pretty lost over large parts. Well, not so much lost, as my head whirling trying to keep up with all the quick plot changes. It would have been great if you could have spent some more words on how exactly the universe switch (Jack to Supernatural-world) worked, and (even more importantly IMHO) what Jack's reaction was to the new world - actually, it would have been great if you could have spent some more words, period. Dean's reactions, Sam's reactions, Jack's reactions, the general Stargate crew's reactions, Tamara's reactions, explanations, descriptions the works.
At the moment, things feel a bit like watching a movie with closed eyes - you hear the dialogue and the sound effects and the background music, and you can piece together quite well what the plot is, but it takes a lot of concentration because you're lacking a lot of visual information.
One way to avoid such confusions (because I am completely certain that all the 'visual information' is in your head, and just got 'lost in translation') is to run a story by someone else and ask them if they get what you mean. It's one of the jobs of a good beta-reader to tell an author when they're not being clear or when they're skipping important information.
This story's got some serious awesome potential, and it would be very much a shame if so much got lost in the conversion from the movie-file in your head to the text-document on the screen.