|Reviews for A Degeneration in Mass|
| magnusvictor chapter 49 . 8/23
Goodness, my feels. Very well-written.
| magnusvictor chapter 28 . 8/21
I'm feeling sorry for a murderous alien vampire.
That's good writing, right there.
| TheFallenSpectre chapter 49 . 8/20
I've spent the last couple of days just reading this story from start to finish and I have to say I really enjoyed it. I've never really been a fan of stories where somehow one of the characters has managed to arrive in the game from our timeline, but yours is the exception. Loved every second of it, never come across a well written Samara/Shep coupling before. Now its time to move on to Shadow Play and find out what happens between Asura and Abby. Absolutely brilliant story.
| Fake Nails Real Hearts chapter 49 . 5/24
This was so good.
| RheasHelm chapter 49 . 8/19/2014
You managed to integrate you original character really nicely into ME; the only thing that I did not like so much was that you kept reminding people that for Abby, ME was a game. I could have done with less of that. Besides, Aria and Miranda's theory is so much better - that Abby is an experiment that's being field tested. Who knows, maybe she's even a joint Asari-Human development, something like a Nexus android from Blade Runner, to improve the lives of their Ardat Yakshi population, or to identify and neutralize rogue ones . Although her almost symbiotic relationship with Asura also reminded me of Bioshock's Little Sister/Big Brother pairs.
On the other hand, this might all be in her head and the real Abigail lies in a coma in a hospital after her attempted suicide. Or these are her last moments and her brain is escaping to ME as her body shuts down.
The way you portrayed the Abigail-Asura relationship and how it developed was very well done. In the interest of fairness, however, you should refrain from calling Asura "the AY" so much. You don't refer to Abby as "the Huntington's Sufferer". Sure, sometimes what Asura is is relevant to the story, but other times she's just a person who's struggling with her life.
I wonder about the memory transfers between Abby and the Asari, the results seem extreme. It was great in the story, to have Abby re-experience their memories and thus tell us about what happened in the past, but I hope that the memories will fade over time or else Abby may well go mad eventually when she can't distinguish between dream and reality anymore, between what is herself and what are Asura and Lenelle. But if she stays with Asura and they start melding on a regular basis (lol, Aria already called Abby Asura's bondmate), this will probably reinforce the foreign memories. But maybe Asura can teach Abby something to manage this aspect of their union, she did not seem to be affected by it as much as Abby. Once she's mastered that Abby could become a Consort Shaira for AY! I'm sure there'd be good money in it. :)
So this is also a Samara-Shepard story, well, kind of. Poor Shepard just can't win, Samara's so conflicted and caught in her rigid code that she flees temptation in the end rather than show some flexibility. It is ironic and sad that Shepard, who helps and literally saves so many, is unable to do the same for herself, that the very act of kindness that she displays towards Asura and Abby dooms her own happiness (although I think Asura was just a convenient excuse for Samara to bug out, she's never been comfortable with her feelings).
Shepard's "natural beauty" is all courtesy of Cerberus/Miranda though.
I doubt Shepard would mind being seen naked by Samara. On the contrary. So there's not need to "protect her modesty".
There was an interesting dynamic between Shepard and Liara as well. Liara seem to be a lot like Samara, only that her defense mechanism against being swallowed whole by the force of Shepard is to reject the Human, to wall herself off, to be angry. Shepard's stubborn refusal to acknowledge that Liara seems to have feelings for her and that this is probably the reason for their strained relationship is interesting, however. Liara drops hints left and right, Miranda lets slip that everybody - that means her as well! - around Shepard feels completed by her and changes, Garrus even tells Shepard outright, and still, she keeps on pretending that all there is is Liara manipulating her. Wow, that level of denial is staggering.
I did not understand why Liara would brush off Shepard's attempts at re-establishing their friendship ("Don't ask me for friendship, it's the one thing I cannot give you. Not anymore."). Is that because of Samara? Is being "friends" not enough?
I thought the comment from Samara about Asari children being their mothers' true life companions, since their bondmates so often die on them, was very moving. I would think that they also retain strong ties to their siblings and other relatives. But do those ties extend to the families of alien parents? This is the first time I've seen this idea explored. I found it fascinating that apparently, Asura was accepted as family by the Turians and provided shelter and protection, even though technically she's not even a blood relative (I'm not sure one can even call Risha that, given the way Asari reproduction works).
With all the big things going on, I also liked how you had Kelly and Kasumi take care of Abigail, and how even Jack came to accept her.
Speaking of Kasumi, she was hilarious. Her attempts at getting Shepard and Samara together... lol.
Kasumi calling Abby "pet" reminded me of DA2's Isabella calling Merrill "kitten". :)
And Mordin programming a drone to shoot mites off Garrus and Grunt... omg, that was too funny.
| ScOut4It chapter 14 . 8/7/2014
Yeah, Liara was stone cold in ME2 and I wished that so many other female crew were romantic options for F-
Shep. I thought that Liara deserved to get abandoned; I still pursued her, but talk about playing hard to get...
| ScOut4It chapter 13 . 8/7/2014
I like the asari.
So glad that you wrote more on this story in further adventures :D
| Sky66 chapter 49 . 6/28/2014
I was confused for a few chapters before I understood what was bothering/
irking me: the first sentence being in bold for each scene/POV shift. At
first it was strange, but after a few more chapters, it's much appreciated
Was trying to take a nap, and my eyes were growing heavy, but then I came
upon "'Damn it,' he muttered. 'wrong alcove.'" I was laughing for a good 15
seconds. Actually, whenever Mordin talked at all, I was chuckling. There
goes my rest time.
Throughout: I was chuckling at a lot of characters actually. Thank you, its
something I really needed.
At the end of this chapter I felt ... that we were going to be just fine.
We as in anyone who is to end up in a situation of being displaced from their
home and falling within the ME universe would be 'just fine.' You really
bring out these characters so much so that it just makes me feel ... (smiles)
Thank you. (laughed up a storm during chapter 16. It's a funny coincidence
because I recall thinking about the scale itch that is mentioned in the game
before this chapter)
Felt this throughout.
I tried out the tapping exercise ... (chuckling) I didn't know it would so
difficult! My ring pinkie finger on both hands have the most problem
doing the exercise. Man, I have to start doing something about that. It
was fun though (laughing at myself too).
Whenever I see Abby described as a "vet" I keep thinking veteran rather than
Wait! "Sheldon" ! (gasp) Did you sneak a Big Bang Theory Easter egg in there?
Trying to go to sleep ... "'What the fuck Shepard?' Jack exploded. 'I'm no
fucking babysitter!'" (laughing)
Wow ... this is awesome! Just when I was thinking about Abby slipping up,
as most Self Insert situations have, it occurs!
This is amazing. There are good writers, great writers, and epic writers;
now I have to make a new section: meta writers.
Abby keeps saying 'fine' and I keep thinking 'freaked out, insecure, neurotic,
What's with everyone's obsession with airlocks? (chuckling) I mean they
also had this fetish in Battlestar Galactica.
Throughout the whole Abby Asura scene, I kept imagining them having cloaks/
hoods while trying to speak softly with each other.
I notice that a few words keep popping up as misspelled or misused:
though thought through
At the end, my thoughts "... oh shit."
It's Tali isn't it? Wait ... Garrus? HOly shit! LMMFAO!
You did it again meta author, I just knew you were going to pull that scene
off with Shepard being able to fire her widow while Abby thought she shot
Lenelle. Just like Saving Private Ryan.
"... that it was the Normandy's. Dr. Chakwas and Mordin Solus got out ..."
I knew there was someone missing! (hand to four head) How could I forget?
"'I can't do that Jane'" (laughing) oh HAL, I love it!
I'm still amazed that you were able to come up with this story between games.
Hm, it makes me sad that this story is more to me than ME3.
... May I ask a personal question? (if 'yes, you may' follow up question)
What's your personal take on ME3? Mine was that the journey was great, but
the ending was ... disappointing (before additional DLC updates and even
after, even more disappointing). And it makes sense. The first game had
4 years of development, 3 years for ME2, and finally 2 years for the final
installment. Plus ME3 had multiplayer more DLC than I would have liked
(I don't have XBox live no DLC/updates). Whatever was on the discs
what I was able to experience.
Overall: I had a blast.
Best of luck, stay healthy, and update soon!
| Blisterdude chapter 1 . 4/28/2014
For crying out...
God save us from these absurdly written self-inserts.
| ScOut4It chapter 8 . 4/21/2014
Samara is awesome.
I like your OFC and how intriguing she is to the Asari.
I would enjoy more description for her, but I am trying to fill the blanks.
Cool to have a person from 'our world' that somehow landed into 'their universe'.
Great ride so far!
| The Fox Familiar chapter 5 . 2/28/2014
"I like to keep a close eye on people who have seen me naked" - OOC for Shepard. In this case, she's a self insert of your insert. And of course, we have a cliched scenario where the insert is trapped, bartered for information, and rescued. Or something. I don't know. But based on the reviews, I guess it would be OMG SO AWESOME.
Nah. Not even close.
| The Fox Familiar chapter 3 . 2/28/2014
Oh, God, this got more hilarious. The talk between Shepard and Samara is just bad. If this is ME3, there is no time for romance. Everybody and everything is going to shit, and Shepard's acting like a teenage schoolgirl?
Sorry. And last I checked, Samara got offed in the third game.
And for saying that The Last of Us isn't as deep as ME is a travesty. That, compared to ME, is at least solid.
| The Fox Familiar chapter 2 . 2/28/2014
The asari do have a gender. They are mono-gendered. The original concept was for them not to have a gender.
Even if she's not a licensed doctor, stomach wounds can be potentially fatal, especially because of the celiac artery. But Abby is still flat. I don't care for her character. It could be good, but it is not.
| The Fox Familiar chapter 1 . 2/28/2014
So we have a self-insert story with another generic Femshep pairing. As for the self-insert, it's too sudden, and too awkward to read. The summary turns me off more, but we'll see. I highly doubt there will be any paradoxes, butterfly effects, or all that, because since when do fangirls do logic?
I have more to read, so I'll see what you've got.
| Raven Azura Ivy chapter 49 . 2/17/2014
This is something. Something amazing. You are, in my eyes, the greatest OC creator in fanfiction. You have intertwined the stories of Shepard, a very rarely chosen Samara, and two original characters with their own souls. You went from nothing to everything. Love, hate, needs, desires, and every bit of emotional baggage that the real world carries. It is strange, actually. The origins of one of your characters is so... off. She gets pulled from her world to the ME world. That seems like a silly and amateurish plot decisions but you make it so real. It is so believable that I don't even give it a second thought. I applaud. I really do. This is excellence.