|Reviews for Smokers Outside The Hospital Doors|
| Guest chapter 1 . 12/4/2013
I murdered my sister! Cool (my names Renee also!)
| The Bitter Kitten chapter 1 . 2/6/2013
I like that you didn't waste too much time with the did she /didn't she. I like how you tied in the idea of healthy people still destroying themselves as their loved ones lay dying. It's clever, and I like the sick sort of way the dying bite back, here.
I do think that the diary that spelled everything out in one last entry was a little too pat, and I'm torn on whether Goren forged it, a la Chicago, or if Carmina really did write it.
I think a slightly more subtle way is Goren telling her how she's checked herself into and out of rehab, or letters she's never sent, something to show that Carmina is actually trying, in between getting high and sleeping around. Or that Carmina was a scared girl getting eaten alive by a world that has no pity on a wealthy little ingenue, seeing as her sister was terminal and she just lost her father, and her mother's not in the picture.
Overall though, very good job! I could totally see this as an episode of a crime drama (have never really seen law and order.)
| lovely-logic chapter 1 . 9/18/2012
I'm actually speechless after reading this...it was that amazing. First off, you named it after an Editors song, which already means its going to be great (they're my favorite band besides Interpol). You captured the ideology perfectly, from the line reference in the dialogue to Renee's realization of her mistake: it all spoke wonderfully to the theme.
Second, your language is impeccable! My favorite was "digitally charged, disillusioned kids ". I've never heard that phrase before: it was succinct, but held so much meaning in context. The minimal language in this really brought out the austere nature of interrogations in the show.
Third, I felt like this should be a scene in L&O. Although I've watched a lot more SVU than CI, I'm mesmerized every time I watch Goren in the interrogation room. Your writing captured this perfectly, down to the minutia. His subtle movements, interaction with Renee and emotional investment in the case after it's closing were spot on. Even his interrogation was fluid, which can be hard to write without feeling clunky.
Definitely my favorite L&O one-shot to date. This should have so many more reviews.
| Sloan33 chapter 1 . 7/13/2012
Wow. So I don't watch this show religously, but it's so good that when it is on, I sit and watch it. The characters are so enrapturing. This was absolutely heartbreaking... how the characters mindsets were, Goren's thoughts, his interrogation technique...
My favorite is the very end; him putting the diary on Carmina's grave. Very touching, very heartfelt... just how I would imagine the end of a case like this. It's just wonderful and made me cry. :(
But very good job overall; the title is actually what drew me in. Very melancholic. You are a wonderfully talented author... You could really get somewhere! :)
| MlledeLaRoseBlanche chapter 1 . 6/30/2012
I used to watch this series a long time ago with my parents; it was quite enjoyable until we got too busy. I think you'd did quite well capturing Goren's character; you're right, he is very intense.
Despite the difficulties of writing fanfiction based on a TV series, I think you did spectacularly. Congrats.
| Souldin chapter 1 . 9/21/2011
This fanfic is one I've been hesitant about reading and reviewing but I knew that I would have to do it at some stage and so I've decided to get it over with. This here is my attempt at reviewing a fanfic that I know absolutely, positively, nothing about.
Though I do not know anything about the character in question and as such can't say if it was an accurate presentation of Goren I will say that your writing made very clear his appearance and personality. You were very quick in striking the kind of presence he had as well as his attitude and by the end of the one-shot I feel I have a rough but well formed understanding of the character. Writing is detailed but only when needed and atmosphere was always prominent. The theme of this being simple was consistently throughout and can be noticed by well timed but simple descriptions, the settings being basic interrogation room and graveyard settings, and the very plot itself which, even as it did a plot twist, was rather obvious.
I'm a bit disappointed that the plot of the fanfic, as well as its plot twist was all rather obvious however you did say beforehand that you were going to keep it simple so fair enough. In fact, other criticisms/improvements I could say such as the possibility of including Renee Edminson's husband and having Goren interact a little longer with Eames (who I assume is an actual character and not an OC) are mostly negated by the idea of keeping this simple.
The simplicity of this fanfic and the intent to keep it simple prevent this fanfic both from criticism and from ever reaching truly great heights however it is still a well written piece that demonstrates your skill for atmosphere and presence, and also is a good first step into a series you have not written for before. Great job, keep up the good work!
| MessengerOfDreams chapter 1 . 7/31/2011
Reviewing my own story, how couth! ;)
Nah, I just wanted to translate what the kind reviewer below had said so that I could easily see it when neded, and for tohers to as well. Cheers! :D
"I read your profile and noticed that you love a video game, and although he said that his favorite show right now is the law of Harry, I am honored to know that his first foray into more "mature" was with my favorite show: Criminal Intent. You wrote about Bobby very well, it is not an easy character to write is true, but I could almost see how an episode of the TV. If you wanted to know if fared well, the answer is YES! And the line is that I like suspense / crime / drama. You started with a short fic, and I usually do not read them because I like the longer fics if the story is good and your resume caught my attention and I decided ler.Não a large, well-written story . If you think you can make them longer make them, then know that will have a faithful reader. I hope other fics Criminal Intent."
| sell chapter 1 . 7/30/2011
Li seu perfil e notei mesmo que você ama um video game, e embora tenha dito que seu show favorito no momento é a Lei de Harry, fico honrada de saber que sua primeira incursão mais " madura" tenha sido com o meu show favorito: Criminal Intent. Você escreveu sobre Bobby muito bem; ele não é um personagem fácil de escrever é verdade, mas eu quase poderia ver como um dos episódios da TV. Se você queria saber se saiu-se bem, a resposta é SIM!E a linha que me agrada é suspense/ crime/ drama. Você começou com uma fic curta e normalmente não costumo lê-las, pois gosto das fics mais longas se a história for boa e seu resumo me chamou a atenção e decidi ler.Não me uma grande e bem escrita história. Se acha que pode fazê-las mais longas faça-as, então saiba que terá uma leitora fiel. Espero por outras fics Criminal Intent.
PS. translate in Google portuguese, not spanish,ok?
| THW chapter 1 . 7/24/2011
For your first fic in this genre, you did a great job. The interrogation was done really well and I liked how it built up throughout instead of her confessing right away. The end was sad, but in a good way, lol. I liked the note being left by Bobby. Please keep it up, I think you could write some really great stories.