|Reviews for Games|
| R Unworldly chapter 4 . 4/8/2012
Wow, Ouran fanfic readers must be slackin, cause that's the only explanation I think of for this having so few reviews.
This is well written and paced, not too mention I love your OC. Great job! Can't wait for more chapters!
| HatakeRyari chapter 4 . 3/12/2012
I read that you wanted people to critique, so the only real thing I have to say is this: In this chapter, there is a TON of horse-related description, and instead of really furthering the story and helping the reader, I think it sounded more like you were just trying to show off your knowledge and pack in as much as you could about it. Maybe try for a less-is-more approach next time! Especially for readers who have never touched a horse in their lives, it can make us feel like we're reading an instruction book. But still very well-written in terms of grammar and voice.
The other thing I have is just a small formatting note. It gets VERY confusing when two dialogues with different speakers are in the same paragraph, line, or sentence. Every time a new person speaks, there should be a new paragraph! that way, the reader understands who is saying what, and we don't have to go back and re-read it for it to make sense! :)
Thank you for honestly wanting to improve! There should be more writers like you out there! _v
| lespez1000 chapter 4 . 3/11/2012
Wow! Your story is awesome! You write so much for each chapter that it enriches the whole story! You have no idea how many stories I come by that one have a few paragraphs per chapter. You have some minor typing errors but nothing that distracts from what's happening. I'm so excited to find out what happens next and in the far future. Please update soon!
| StormFlyer chapter 2 . 8/30/2011
Me likey this Kara! o
Can't wait for the next update!
| sarah chapter 2 . 7/31/2011
hey! put more chapters on! :)))
| HatakeRyari chapter 2 . 7/28/2011
I'm reading your story now :) I've got it subscribed, so please update soon! I love Kyoya and would really like to read a GOOD FF about him and an OC. I think your story is coming along well and I really really want to keep reading and get around to the good parts. :)