Reviews for Photograph Promises
DarthBubbles chapter 1 . 8/3/2011
So sad, but I loved this. You nailed the emotion perfectly.

You go get her, Hal! :D
Kate-Emma chapter 1 . 7/28/2011
I think my heart just broke into 7,000 tiny little pieces. Your piece was so beautiful and sad, born obviously from the loss of someone you care for deeply, and I hope you'll find a way through that soon. As for the story, it was beautiful if only because it answered a question we've all been looking for for a while - does Hal ever intend to get Karen back? If only this were canon.

Well done. Hope to see some more FS stuff from you soon...
Alissiel chapter 1 . 7/28/2011
so sad made me cry. :( never thought Hal to be that emotional,always seemed the one to 'bottle it up' but it makes sense since he so vulnerable without Karen. ahh so sad, hopefully she come backs soon.
Utilitarian chapter 1 . 7/27/2011
Nice story. I was always wondering if he'd bothered to put her picture on the wall - this story gives an (unfortunately non-canon) answer. You did really well with the emotion in this. The writing got the point across solidly without being to sentimental, and the majority of the emotions were shown instead of told. I really liked the image of his hand swiping over the wall while looking for a tack. Wish I'd come up with that one myself.

You asked for comments on the writing, and while overall you did very nicely, I'd like to give at least one helpful suggestion: I'd cut down on the use of more complex descriptors in favor of simple and straight forward personal pronouns (or even just names).

For example, Hal is often referred to as some variation of "the boy" and Karen is more often called "the blonde haired girl". Some of those descriptors can stay - I'd just make sure they don't dominate the story for several reasons. First, they draw a lot of attention to themselves, especially when they're used multiple times (the boy). "He" is relatively invisible in comparison to "the young soldier" or "the dark haired boy, and, secondly, it's shorter to the point. If you can get a point across in fewer words, it's usually in your better interest to do so.

Most importantly, though, those descriptors are very impersonal, and this is a very personal story. The emotion from this comes from our connections with "Karen and Hal", and it's a lot harder to connect with "a dark haired boy and a blonde haired girl". Drop the names, or use "he" and "she" when we know who's being referenced. They'll hit just as hard, if not harder.

Again though, really enjoyed this. I think the note Hal wrote at the bottom of her picture was spot on - you nailed the actual emotion where it counted. Hope to see some more stories from you in the future, so keep up the good work!
huge sg1 fan chapter 1 . 7/27/2011
that was so sad but it was a very good story. i really liked it. great job. :)