|Reviews for The Lion, the Sorceress and the Garden|
| j-mercuryuk chapter 1 . 9/6/2011
A very interesting fanfic for a subject I've never really seen explored before. Which is a shame as there is a gap which would be great to have filled, but this fic does do a wonderful job of filling in that hole.
You've told the story of Edea's transformation very well, painting a vivid picture for us to see. I liked how you described how her body changes as Ultimecia tried to gain control, the veins spreading up her legs and the way you did the fingers was very good. By having her shad them, in a manner of spreading, really supports this idea of transformation. I think more than anything, the darkness of the fic was brought about by Cid's reaction to this, his revulsion at his wife and his attempts to hide parts of it away. Very realistic, as well as his doubts. You really capture a sense that he is trapped and it's causing him much mental anguish. It was very Cid.
Him bringing to story to Edea to read to her was very sweet. However, I did think the links between this and story were a bit...heavy. Almost too much and shoved to much at us. I would have preferred Squall to be unnamed or the symbolism to be not quite so in your face. It felt a bit much for me. However, I think this may just be a personal preference and not necessarily everyone's opinion on the matter. Likewise, I did think 'cackling loudly at her achievement' as she makes her way through the flower field was a bit...Wizard of Oz, it's a bit much.
But the last line is a great note to finish it on. Perfect.
I wouldn't worry about whether you've pulled this off, because you have. These kind of things can be very difficult to write, but the secret is to just throw yourself into it. Dark fiction is something that you have to just go for and not hold back. I think that's way they can be quite a relief to write in some ways, because it lets a darker side of ourselves out to play that we normally keep suppressed in everyday life. It does take practice to get really dark fiction right. You could say that you could have gone deeper and darker with this to make it well and truly dark, but if I'm perfectly honest I really don't think you needed to do that with this. It works perfectly well with what you have here. You didn't need to go deeper into the darkness.
Overall, this was a really good fanfic. A good read and shines a bit more light on the back story of Edea and Cid.
| MonMonCandie chapter 1 . 8/1/2011
Wow. Just wow. I honestly loved the allusions you placed in here. The titular characters and the symbolism behind Garden, SeeDs, the lion... They are all very good! :)
I felt bad for Cid having to watch Edea transform day by day... Certainly his own living hell since he loves he wife. Creepy how Edea turned into Ultimecia (well, possessed by Ultimecia). I gotta say, the transformation from Edea to possessed!Edea was written out really well! It did showcase a sense of despair...
And dark fics? I think with a lot of practice you can do wonders with the genre! :D I haven't read many dark fics, but this one-shot certainly strikes a note. :P
This is going to go in my favorite just because it was well written. Thanks for the read!
| Halalcohol chapter 1 . 7/31/2011
I've never explored the realms of darkfic before, so I can't tell you how you did in comparison to any others. But I CAN tell you that I found the style of this piece to be stronger than Of Pigtails and Combat Kings, even though I enjoyed the latter more. A lot of the details were very specific (the colour of Edea's veins, etc.), which heightens the effect of Cid's worries, because it shows how desperate he is, noting things as small as that. It also creates a very vivid scene. The reduction in adverbs has worked wonderfully, and I commend you for it.
I think you could make this even better if you cut back a bit though. You mention several things multiple times, such as how they had raised a lion only to have it slay his own wife, and how Cid stared with revulsion, horror, etc, but we are presented with that information the same way each time. I'm pretty sure if you cut all of those statements out, we would still get the point very clearly. There's no doubt he's horrified at any point.
| Facepalmistry chapter 1 . 7/29/2011
(Aww, I always wanted flames...)
For a first effort at darkfic, this was pretty nice. Good take on a pre-FFVIII moment which doesn't get enough attention. Well done.
| Missyluv chapter 1 . 7/28/2011
You do NOT suck at writing dark fics; this was very intense. And the way you used an innocent children's book as a sort of brain washing mechanism for the young, future Seeds...kind of creepy. Alternating between the warmth of the days when the children would listen to Edea read to them and when she is lying there transforming into a monster...Radkis, it gave me chills. And those nails...I had forgotten about them, but you painted them wondrously...ick.
Really good one-shot. You captured Cid's horror well.