|Reviews for Ashes to Ashes|
| Nate the Great chapter 22 . 8/2/2014
Well, after my latest reading of this story, I have to say that, sadly, it doesn't hold up very well. The writing is amateurish, the characters are all a bunch of blank slates, the romance is horribly crafted and lacking in tension, there's a gross overabundance of cursing, the story lacks the comedic spirit of the show, and the ending was just a pile of bullshit, not making a lick of sense and being rather unsatisfying! I mean Finn is 13 fucking years old, dude! And you're gonna make him have sex with Marceline, a woman who is physically older than him by several years?! What were you thinking?!
That being said, I still enjoy this story. Really! I do! Despite it's many flaws from a technical stand point, I do see the effort you put into it writing it and I can appreciate that. It's clear that you have fun writing these stories and do your best to make it entertaining. In fact, when it comes to creating worlds, writing fight scenes, and overall making a fun adventure story, your actually quite good at it! But, in the future, I say you try a little harder making your characters more interesting, your writing more crisp, and your romances more believable.
Overall, not a great story, but still a fun one for what it is.
Love always, Nate the Great.
| Nate the Great chapter 22 . 12/14/2013
Judging by how you write Marceline wearing provocative clothing and have to mention her boobies every freaking minute, I'm gonna assume you think she's really sexy?! Anyway, on to the review.
Greetings again, BG9!
It's been awhile since I've read this story and, as you might have known, this was one of my favorites. So does it still hold up? Well, mostly, but I still have my complaints. But first the pros'!
1. The story still feels like an Adventure Time story. True, you do add a few liberties to your story, but you stay (mostly) true to the overall atmosphere and fun of the show.
2. All the characters seem in...well, in character. They don't feel like people who share the names of the characters in the show and nothing else, but are, in fact, the characters I still know and love. Except for maybe one of them, but I'll get to him later. On top of all of that, All your original characters are really good too. The villains all have a distinct personality and are very memorable.
3. The kingdoms you have created for ooo are all quite imaginative and feel like they could still exist within the show.
4. The fight scenes, while a bit tedious at times, are more often than not very entertaining. The final battle with Ash was especially imaginative.
5. You actually added some humor to this story. And you know what? Most of it actually made me laugh! Good show sir!
1. The writing often sounds way to formal and you often repeat too many words sometimes.
2. You fanfiction writers always assume that adding curse words in a story automatically makes them more adult. Well, it doesn't! If anything it makes them more childish and forced! On top of that, this is an Adventure Time story, man! You don't need to add all this swearing!
3. Finn, while certainly still feeling like Finn, feels kinda overshadowed by Marceline and all the other main characters in the story. He never really says anything funny and never really gets a real moment to shine by himself.
4. The ending was incredibly rushed and it felt you were just trying to get it done. Wow! After all that traveling and all that build up to the final battle, It just ends with... "Oh! Ash is dead now! Let's go home!" It just feels so unrewarding when the rest of the story was such a big, epic adventure.
5. The Freaking sex scene at the end! For awhile, I was wondering how old Finn was supposed to be in this story so I could find a way to justify it, but you make it very clear that the story takes place within the continuity of the show, which would make Finn freaking 13! What the heck, man?! His balls have barely dropped by this point, and you're gonna make him have sex with Marceline, whose physically in her late teenage years or early 20's? What was your thought process while writing this story? I would really love to know! Cuz' It just makes the ending even worse for me.
Anyway, despite these complaints, I still really enjoyed this. True, the ending makes me really mad, but in this case, the journey beats the destination, and the journey was well worth it! So with my new score system which consists of
Your story gets a well deserved Goodtastic review!
Well, I hope to read more of your stories in the future! Good luck, friend!
Sincerely, Nate the Great!
| Merchosias chapter 1 . 5/1/2013
I like your idea for your story name! I was thinking the same thing because I don't like ASH! He makes me sick.
| Guest chapter 1 . 4/2/2013
Listen her mom didn't give hambo to her it was simon/iceking duh or i think so but I won't judge
| Darkrai Master34 chapter 1 . 8/29/2012
Woah man. THIS IS MIND BLOWING AWESOME! You should write more stuff like these heheh Adventure.
| Nathan Bush chapter 22 . 6/3/2012
Well BG, after thinking really hard about it, I decided to reread your story to see if it still holds. And to be honest, not only does it hold up, but it really holds up! I know I said in my first review that your story lacked the humor that the show had, but that was because I think I read the story too fast the first time and honestly haven't really gotten a chance to watch most of the episodes since I went off to college. But after watching a marathon of the entire show as well as slowing down my reading, I now realise how faithful you actually were to the show. You're humor was really funny and fit perfectly with the show. You kept the show's characters into ,well, "character" and your original characters were creative and awesome. This story of yours was a vast improvement over your older one. The plot was far more enaging and the fight scenes, while admittably redundant sometimes, were alot more creative and fun. This was truelly a fun adventure as well as a half descent romance story. I guess my only complaints are 1. the swearing 2. The anti-climatic last two chapters and 3. the sex-scene. 1. Why is it that in every fanfic (especially those about shows with no swearing) always have to swear. I find it a bit immature,out of character and overall not funny and not needed. 2. The last battle with the minions, while fun and exiting, was a bit too short. The last battle with Ash was very exciting and creative, but what follows after this was too rushed. I felt there could have more after that, like Finn finally reuniting with his best friend could been a bit more "rewarding." Or you could have gotten into more detail about that one month gap. But the part with Hambo finally being returned to Marceline and but being ripped apart was a very touching scene. 3. I found the sex scene to be unneeded. I mean, How old is Finn suppose to be in this story? You never make it clear and for all we know, Finn was still 13 and sleeping with a girl who is physically in her late teens/early 20's. I'm sorry, but that's a bit too much. So I guess other than the overall dissapointing ending as well as the swearing, your story is still one of my favorite adventure time stories and I will cherish it forever! Best of luck on your sequel (If you're still doing it) and hope your future is a pleasant one.
Nate the Great!
| t.tpie chapter 22 . 4/27/2012
that was officially the best fanfic I have read yet.
| Unicorn819 chapter 22 . 4/4/2012
I love your story, good plot good writing, and i like the other characters and a lot of humor i love this story.
| domdom chapter 22 . 3/27/2012
i am no longer domdom from here and forever i am WerePire ahoooooooooooooooooooooo
| Nathan Bush chapter 22 . 1/29/2012
Also, Just thought of some voice actors who could have done the voices for the original characters(I know this is never gonna be made into a movie, but hey, screw it!)
Crystal Prince-Troy Baker
Spider King-Miguel Ferrer
Venus the Werewolf Queen-Uma Thurman
The Mole King-David Ogden Stiers
| Nathan Bush chapter 22 . 1/29/2012
Sup, BladeGuy? I just finished reading your story. And I must say, I had alot of fun reading it. Thought the fights were entertaining, I like the way you made your original characters, and I like the fact that the characters from the show are in "character." However, I felt your story lacked the humor of the show, there was way to much language (I know the show can be very dirty, but all these swear words weren't necessary), And I felt the last battle was a bit anticlimatic and the fact that Marceline and Finn have sex at the end was just gross. Seriously, a 13 year old boy having sex with a girl who looks in her late teens/early twenties. That's just wrong!Basically I feel the ending could have been stronger. Overall, however, I enjoyed your story and happy that I saw it to the end (Your story is the only fanfic that I've ever seen to the end:Congrats)! I can't wait to see your sequel and I suppose when I get the time, I'll read your first story. Good luck and may your dreams come true!
Sincerely,Nate the Great! :D
| TheXiaDarkness chapter 22 . 1/25/2012
Dust to dust
| notalivezombie chapter 22 . 1/23/2012
Finally I hate when I think I ha e shit on alert. I started this on chapter 3 then I find that you finished it was kinda pissed about that, so now I had to make sure not to read the reviews to keep from spoilers. Awesome chapters 3-22.
| He23t chapter 1 . 1/23/2012
| rui chapter 22 . 1/20/2012
...epic. just epic. i dont think i can think of a better word. amazing job blade. it was well worth the wait.