|Reviews for The Delinquent Transformation of Yuki Nagato|
| Ergoemos chapter 6 . 1/14
I want to say I really really like the direction you took with this story. I think it works very solidly, set as it is, that fall after endless summers. I think you’ve nailed a lot of the characters really well, even this trope-swapped Yuki very much still Yuki, but brazen and blunt. I even really like where you took the plot. But let me ramble about individual parts that I liked individually.
I mean, obviously, I think the standout character is Yuki, given the topic. I think you did a really great job channeling that Endless Eight bitterness in a form that is really recognizable. It especially shines in scenes where she is dealing with the group just after dealing with Haruhi. You’ve written her transition from blatant antagonism to sullen, almost shy, brazen-ness perfectly, making it obvious that Yuki even seems shy around her closer friends, like she half expects them to turn on her or dislike her, even as she acts like the delinquent she was programmed to be, even as she enjoys it herself. Her almost quiet reaction to Kyon after the confrontation at the school gate was practically perfectly how I’d love to see this sort of thing. And I love how open and honest Yuki’s dislike is for Haruhi.
I think Kyon, Haruhi and Mikuru are spot on as well, reacting as well as they really ought to. I think you’ve done a great job with how Haruhi might handle the situation, oblivious, energetic, and beyond reproach, even from Yuki’s obvious dislike. Kyon’s concern is genuine, especially following both the summer and hot on the heels of making the movie. It feels right, it feels appropriate, torn between his concern for Yuki, distaste with Haruhi’s actions, and worry for the world’s safety. I don’t know if Koizumi has moved paced being the concerned-nelly, but he doesn’t stick out as being blatantly out of character, and I don’t have anything to point. This story is just more Yuki-Kyon’s game, not anyone else’s so much.
You’ve done a really great job of diverting this story firmly into your own world and canon, which is great. Very much a “What if Haruhi continued to push Yuki, rather than lie low after the cultural festival” taking us on a different journey instead of the Disappearance. You’ve had some very good plotting. Yuki calling out Mikuru to talk to after club to avoid Haruhi’s suspicion *then* explaining *why* Yuki did it was a really smart masterstroke, and I feel it shows how much you can capture the feel of the same story while radically changing one character.
I was initially a little dubious about the new OC, but you did it so correctly, showing how best to insert a really tangible, intelligent threat to the cast with Ayame. It wouldn’t have worked with another existing character, (unless you tried to appropriate something from, say the books, and it wouldn’t have worked well). Ayame fits in perfectly, tickling Haruhi’s interests by both looking less Japanese and also being a transfer student to insert herself, like an, well, an alien among school friends. Likewise, you just introduced an external, force-of-nature threat, placing our beloved characters at threat not only as the Yuki-Haruhi tension rises, the Ayame watches from within, and now we have an external, existential monster to deal with too.
Of course, I know you may never revisit this story again, but I still really appreciate it, and I really like what you did here. I don’t mind that I might never see a resolution, I am just glad to see a good idea excellently executed, even for a little bit. Thanks for the excellent story!
| barney.turner.10 chapter 6 . 12/21/2014
Interesting angle, although I found Yuki a little TOO bratty - but Haruhi did will her to be that much of an opposite to her usual self, so it has a logic to it.
Haruhi doesnt have a problem with it, but considering Yukis unknown (to Haruhi) abilities, it could indeed prove disasterous.
| muse nozomi chapter 6 . 2/19/2014
Omg. This story was perfect! It was super interesting. All the characters are spot on in character. I understand you probs didn't have a chance to update...heck, I haven't updated some of MY stories for 3 or 4 years!
Back on topic. I love this story. Keep up the good work!
| gameboy17 chapter 6 . 10/14/2012
This is definitely an interesting take on Nagato... I half expected the same personality as the abridged series, but I almost like this version more. I can't really appreciate the shock value fully at the moment, since I just read a Lucky Star fic where Tsukasa turned delinquent (I don't really expect anyone to know what I'm talking about, since it seems like nobody has ever heard of Lucky Star, but trust me, Tsukasa turning delinquent is a thousand times more OOC than Nagato doing so) what was the original point of this sentence again?
| Othinus chapter 1 . 9/16/2012
I say, someone needs to continue this fic.
| Story Assembler chapter 6 . 12/18/2011
One of the best Haruhi fics I've ever read.
| cybersteel5780 chapter 6 . 10/8/2011
Don't stop now, I've enjoyed this story since the beginning!
| The Dark Deceiver chapter 6 . 10/8/2011
lol Haruhi wanted the Snowman, looks like she got one.
I think it'd be nice to see a KyonxYuki moment before she changes back to her normal self.
It's obvious that even as a Delinquent she likes him. XD
| MONFACTOR chapter 5 . 10/5/2011
Please continue this! It's really good; too good to cancel now!
And it just seemed like it was getting close to some Kyon x Yuki stuff, too.
| thelovelaced chapter 2 . 8/28/2011
| thelovelaced chapter 1 . 8/28/2011
I can smell the trouble brewing _
| Andmeuths chapter 5 . 8/26/2011
Ayame's second appearance is rather... underwhelming , for some reason. There is not much yet to distinguish her , no idiosyncrasies , no distinct character traits at this point.
Perhaps we'll see more of how you intend to extend the depth of your OC , but I think that the current pace you are developing Ayame is not good enough to retain the interest of the readers.
Here's another thing that would probably play a huge part on how your OC develops: which faction of the DTIE does she belong to? Asakura is a Radical, and my first impression of Ayame pegged her to a faction closer to the Radicals. How much of a personality , and how social is Ayame ? She's certainly distinctly diffrent from Nagato , but is she closer in design to Kimidori or Asakura?
| superstarultra chapter 4 . 8/23/2011
I think you were right to include an OC into this particular kind of story. With the current aliens available, none of them would fit in with what is happening to Yuki. Ryoko coming back for that reason would only cause more trouble and wouldn't make much sense. Emiri could do the job, but she's mainly there to observe unless told to otherwise.
So I think making an OC for this was a good idea. Ayame seems a little shady so far. I don't have any big criticisms on here since she's just been introduced here. And everything else in this chapter was just as good. So I have no real complaints at all.
Hope you can update again soon. :)
| Andmeuths chapter 4 . 8/16/2011
The new interface seems even more human , than say , Kimidori Emiri. Is she equiped with more "social protocols" , in the same manner as Asakura Ryoko ? She certainly exhibits a higher degree of emotional responses , based on her intro. Irregardless , the new OC does have my attention , and I think that it's a rather astute choice on the part of the DITE to send in a new interface. Sending back Ryoko is a very irrational decision for those with an adequate grasp of the human psyche , though it could be excused by the DITE's lack of comprehension of humans. I would definitely like to see how you plan on taking this character forward, she certainly has potential.
I'm going to speculate that interface is a later model , designed based on data gathered from previous , less socially equipped interfaces. I am also going to guess that Haruhi wished her into existence subconsciously , to balance delinquent Nagato . And finally , I'm going to make a guess that her role is to infiltrate the SOS directly , as a secondary backup in case Nagato is irretrievable. It might be possible that her role is to absorb all of Yuki's data and memories , if Yuki proves to be a lost cause , and continue on with Yuki's original mission , albeit less "boring" than Yuki Nagato.
Once again , I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
P.s : Have you read past the Disappearance?
| superstarultra chapter 3 . 8/8/2011
Wow. You do a really good job at writing out the character of Yuki the rebel. She makes me laugh at her stunts and gasp at her lines.
It's still funny to see that Haruhi is still taking Yuki's change happily. At least she isn't as mean to Kyon, Itsuki and Mikuru... I wonder just what kind of big plan she's got cooking up though?
"Haruhi already gets everything she wants by whining about it. If she wants snow, dammit, that weather report that says a hundred percent sunshine will be damn wrong. She's such a brat and I hate that the whole world seems to revolve around her. That wish of hers for Tanabata? 'I wish for the world to revolve around me'? Really? Screw Orihime and Hikoboshi; it already does!"
Just including this line of dialogue because I really liked picturing Yuki saying that. It's both unlikely of her to say, yet seems like what she would speak of in order to finally vent.