Reviews for Deliver Us from Evil, Part I: Mortality
Sue Clover chapter 20 . 3/8
I really love your story, I really do. But I happened to notice your chapter heading after all of the author's notes/review replies, and I need to tell you that 19 in Roman numerals is XIX, not IXX.
At any rate, Holmes is home! Or, well, nearly so. Actually, I think Watson is home for him, so we can count this as home indeed. I hope John can handle the pain seeing Holmes like this does to his heart well enough to help him through it.
Sue Clover chapter 9 . 3/7
I really like your story so far. I found this story mentioned in TV tropes, thought it sounded interesting, and it's reallllllllly good. I am on the edge of my seat at this point, and the writing is so poignant.
rhinosgirl chapter 1 . 2/3
Hi, Aleine Skyfire! Rhino here –hugs- I do know this fandom reasonably well, having read many of the original Sherlock Holmes stories. But it has been awhile, so please forgive me any canon-related misunderstandings.
“I have never liked the dark.” This is such a simple statement, yet it holds so much meaning for Sherlock. It is the friend of his foes, but also their enemy. It is a necessary tool of his trade, yet it is now his greatest enemy.
The conflicting thoughts that he had were quite revealing. If I remember the canon right, Sherlock is an irreligious man, yet he is now pushed to not only calling on God, but is on the point of bargaining with Him. He is also no longer sure of his own ability to hold out against pain and evil.
Your formatting of his two sets of thought was very clear. The brackets and italics made it extremely easy to differentiate between the two.
I can’t decide whether the Professor is being a coward or just extremely careful when he gets another person to torture Holmes. Whichever it is, it seems he has achieved his goal: to break Sherlock Holmes and make him forget who he is.
I look forward to reading more and finding out how Holmes found himself in this situation. Thanks for sharing this story with us.
DarkRose2009 chapter 7 . 10/8/2014
Wow, this chapter is a little short for me, but still suspenseful and thrilling. And I like your own characters in the story as well. I love it when it's so well incorporated in the story.
DarkRose2009 chapter 6 . 10/8/2014
How suspenseful it is really. I loved the way you described the hunter. But if only you could improve on your dialogues, make them flow naturally, okay? I'm not being critical, but just trying to be honest. Overall, I'm liking your story so far.
DarkRose2009 chapter 5 . 10/8/2014
The narration is very well done. I liked the description of your characters too. But, there's always a but : work a tidbit on your conversations and the like. That's the only advice I can offer you right now.
DarkRose2009 chapter 4 . 10/8/2014
All your characters are in character. I loved Mycroft and your crime. It was very imaginative. Also, as engaging to read as your prologue. But maybe work on your dialogues.
DarkRose2009 chapter 3 . 10/8/2014
Genius writer! So Watson is married? I thought this was going to be a Watson/Holmes pairing, oops! You mislead me.
DarkRose2009 chapter 2 . 10/8/2014
Your scene description is very well done. Besides, I loved how Sherlock Holmes was approached by the man's need. And the chapter's very well-done too.
DarkRose2009 chapter 1 . 10/8/2014
The Prologue was very engaging and engrossing. I loved the depth you got in Sherlock Holmes. Plus the language used was highly professional.
Ersatz Einstein chapter 28 . 9/15/2014
The movie prologue style, while clearly meant to lead into the sequel, gave a sense that this story wasn't properly wrapped up. Furthermore, the repetition ("he is the boy," "he is... he may not be..." etc.) wore a bit thin. I imagine that it would work better out loud than in print.

On a more positive (though that's not quite the word I mean) note, I'm sorry to see the story end. The glimpse of how it'll tie into Reichenbach is interesting, and I wonder what you're doing with "The Final Problem" and Watson's problematic insistence that he'd never heard of Moriarty before then.
Ersatz Einstein chapter 27 . 9/7/2014
There was a lot of immediate repetition which, while undoubtedly intended for dramatic effect, came across as sloppy at times ("rain" in the first and second sentences, "He could almost trick himself into believing," the "smiling with sadness" motif confined entirely to the sixth paragraph, etc.). The use of "so" in "that felt so wonderful to make" was grammatically incorrect, and somewhat jarring with your generally formal narrative style. Also, while I know that this is nitpicking, it's surprising that he calls his mother "ma mère" rather than "maman," and while he insults and mocks Watson regularly, I can't see him using "brava" rather than "bravo" in addressing him.

Enough of the negative; on to the positive. The mixture of seriousness and frivolousness was better balanced here than in previous chapters which, considering that we're nearing the close of the action and hence the dramatic point, seems appropriate. I particularly enjoyed Mycroft's habitual solicitousness ("Sherlock knew he was counting to ten in his head"), marked with the unusual serious undertones of the brothers' banter ("I shall thank you not to comment upon my dealings with my brother"). I couldn't help but chuckle at some of the lines of Sherlock's letters ("do not frown at the paper that way"). There's something both poignant and irreverent in the way his mind "rebels at stagnation," and you've captured it well.
Thera Lance chapter 2 . 8/29/2014
Being someone who has only seen the movies, I liked how you included enough information about the Irregulars for me to understand who they are and how they run. You tied in the Irregulars so well that I was unsure whether they only existed in this story or if they were part of the first Sherlock Holmes stories.

On a different note, if he is experimenting on people, Culverton seems like a particularly villainous individual with his human experimentation and all, but I have feeling that he is just a red herring to the real villain. I am very curious to how this will all turn out.
Thera Lance chapter 1 . 8/29/2014
Well, this chapter drew me in. Sherlock Holmes held captive who knows where is a good way to begin your story and makes me want to read more just to find out how he ended up in this position. I liked his views on the dark and how he has no kinship to it yet sees it as a tool. Even though I have only watched the movies and read a few excerpts of the original series here and there, Sherlock's views on the darkness in this story seem very in-character to the original.
Ersatz Einstein chapter 26 . 8/23/2014
I enjoyed your initial characterization of Sherlock: a man whose strength and focus shows in spite of his physical weakness ("Robin Hood had indeed returned to his Merry Men"). The revelation of his deeper vulnerability in his conversation of Mycroft, a moment that risked sappiness, was spared by his brother's decided discomfort with the matter ("no masking the unsteadiness of his voice").

There were some small typos ("even ask we speak," "locked away in hole"), as well as some tense errors ("is in his brother," "being unable to do anything but waiting," "was obviously alerted"). Also, why would *Mycroft's* rise be faster "than it would have been two months ago?" There's no indication that Mycroft's state of health or readiness has changed.

I found the merging of Moran's thoughts and the narration deceptively complex, as the third-person line could be cut for a sudden event ("not a fai - He lifted his airgun"). Some of your verbs, too, were creatively applied ("smoked swiftly away to darkness").

The Christmas theme, lightly reasserted but not as overpowering as in previous chapters, added a nice undercurrent of gaiety. The ending's cliffhanger (and the implication of Mycroft's sheer safety and power that came with it) connected back to the conversation at the beginning while taking events in an exciting new direction.
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