|Reviews for Yotsuba and computer!|
| HeroTheGreat chapter 1 . 9/20/2014
Its really adorable! For your first fabric you've done incredibly well
| Four Dimensional chapter 1 . 1/19/2013
Funny stuff. No, the end, continue please! I'm sure we all want to see if she breaks the computer, gets a Facebook, or chats with people or whatever.
| Dsman chapter 1 . 12/8/2012
no no yotsuba step away from the computer you green haired nut
| Dia chapter 1 . 12/1/2012
If I'm gonna give criticism, it'd be to not use emoticons and describe their emotions.
| stuckinwonderland420 chapter 1 . 7/23/2012
u captured yotsuba perfectly! i can totally seeing this happening! good job!
| mmmmmmm chapter 1 . 7/10/2012
this isn't bad at all! it's cute and it fits the characters well!
| Mythril Moth chapter 1 . 9/20/2011
Okay, since you're new to writing, I'm going to give you a pointer, which is the absolute most important thing you need to know about writing prose:
For dialogue, ONE SPEAKER PER PARAGRAPH.
You DO NOT do this:
"Hi!" She said. "Hello!" He replied. "What are you doing today?" she asked. "Nothing," he said. "Oh, then let's do something," she said.
You do THIS:
"Hi!" She said.
"Hello!" He replied.
"What are you doing today?" she asked.
"Nothing," he said.
"Oh, then let's do something," she said.
See how much easier it is to follow that?
Edit your story and maybe I'll offer some more critique/advice. I literally cannot read it as it is now.
| Gloxinia chapter 1 . 8/31/2011
Aww, this was cute. You should have different paragraphs when someone new is talking. But still a nice read. Continue writing!
| James Birdsong chapter 1 . 8/28/2011
Good of course