|Reviews for The Strawberry Ninja|
| SomethingAncient chapter 11 . 9/21/2016
Alright: I know this is one of your earliest stories; and I'm sure you've improved significantly. So please take this review as intended toward the story and not you personally; and possibly advice if you ever decide to rewrite it. Though it is up for adoption so that might not happen.
It took me a couple of days to let this simmer because this was quite a disconnect for me (normally I would say I'm out, but my patience has been way better recently). But I don't think Sauske should have been adopted by Ichigo. There are better alternatives, even if they're nameless and you need an OC. And it got significantly harder for me to read when Sauske instantly bonded with Ichigo and calls him "daddy". That, quite frankly, is creepy in my opinion. And Ichigo did nothing to tone that down - I think he was as creeped out as I was.
It was also a very obvious ploy to get Anko to begin living with him, which wasn't necessary. I think it would have been more natural to have Anko and Ichigo become closer before deciding to get a better apartment together (because Ichigo wanted a better place to live and both of them together can afford a nicer place than either of them currently have). To build this up, have some of their visits be Anko hanging out at Ichigo's house and getting to know Karin and Yuzu.
The foundations for this are already in the story, it just needs to be taken advantage of. No forced plot 'young Sauske' required (I stopped reading after chapter 5xx, but even if it is in canon I will still call it a forced plot in this instance).
And, for the sake of the story in general: I know Naruto (the manga) revolved around Sauske for a plot for the longest time, but this is more about Ichigo and what happens with his new life. So even if Ichigo gets dragged into Naruto's business (dragged, not volunteering for no good reason) Ichigo's story shouldn't revolve around Sauske. He meets him in a mission? Sure. He becomes friends? That makes no sense. Let Ichigo form his own niche of new friends and enemies. Ichigo and Naruto don't have to become close friends to still be good friends. Ichigo and Anko could meet some lesser utilized characters that match their personalities a little better.
Anyway, have a good week and God bless,
| SomethingAncient chapter 6 . 9/19/2016
Huh... not sure how I feel about this story. While I definitely want to read an Ichigo x Anko story, and your premise has potential; it's also just about broken my suspension of disbelief.
This is my opinion, so ignore it if you don't like it.
I'll start with Ichigo getting involved in Naruto and Sakura's spat. It was out of character in my opinion, and didn't add much drama at all. It was also unnecessary drama because it required Ichigo to break character.
Doing something like having their spat knock over one of the bowls of ramen to get Ichigo involved would have worked - especially if Sakura was the one who actually knocked it over without realizing it: then her punching Ichigo would have also made sense. Also, I think her first punch should have caught Ichigo by suprise and sent him sliding back two or three feet. Which should still be enough to surprise Sakura.
And when was Sakura like Kenpachi? Needlessly violent? Sure. Aching for a good fight? I don't think so.
I'm okay with Ichigo and Naruto getting into a tie in the third chapter but the way it happened didn't make much sense. I can also tell that Ichigo has been nerfed because his speed is nowhere near what it should be. And I can understand why to a certain degree: Naruto may be the manga with higher power levels (we never got to see the potential of the three most powerful bankai, but that's another discussion), but the speed and "cheat" abilities in Bleach pretty much negate that and, speed especially, can screw with anything not armoured enough to completely negate the attacks.
However, like I said, I don't mind a tie: but at least make Naruto use his nine-tails to get there. Then, drag the fight out a bit. If this happened I could see Ichigo being a little more roughed up at the end of the fight. I didn't see any all out from either character in that fight. Ichigo didn't need bankai against a non-boosted Naruto. If they were secretly holding back (then Ichigo really didn't need bankai), let the reader know; because otherwise it looks extremely one-sided, which doesn't make sense.
Another thing that really bothered me was how Naruto got to the scene of Sakura's death first. I don't think Naruto has a long distance high speed movement, but Ichigo has shunpo. Ichigo probably should have been the first one on the scene.
Ichigo, Kakashi and Naruto fighting against Grimmjow was also another example of Ichigo's speed being nerfed. Why is Kakashi faster than Ichigo in bankai, never mind with his mask on? And the entire fight was harder than it needed to be. I mean, Ichigo had gone toe to toe with Grimmjow for a day and a half solo: so why was Grimmjow manhandling both Ichigo and Naruto so easily. You wrote that Ichigo has already killed Aizen, who was more powerful than Grimmjow to start with, so the tag team should have easily won.
However, kudos to killing off a main character for the sake of storytelling: that was done well, and in a way that didn't look like you hated the character (there is a lot of Sakura bashing out there, but you didn't fall to that level).
One thing that would be nice to see is better flow throughout the story. It already look like you have improved from chapters 1 to 6, and since there are a lot more I'll hold most of my opinion on that for now. But reworking the diction and expanding on scene transitions would go a long way.
Anyway, this is just my opinion: have a good week and God bless,
| Nightspirit152 chapter 2 . 8/8/2016
| evangelionunit9 chapter 17 . 12/4/2014
Make ichigo saskes dad again
| Emu Thing chapter 1 . 3/19/2013
Better than it sounds?
A strange ninja walks into the village and into the Hokage’s and is promptly welcomed without question. Everything was handed to them on a plate including a place to sleep.
That is bad setup.
| Guest chapter 3 . 8/8/2012
What the hell rasengan is not stronger than getsuga tenshou! But this chapter is good though.
| Dark Little World chapter 17 . 11/27/2011
I'm sooo up for this challenge! :) :) Thanks for making me challenge myself! too bad you had to discontinue...
| kyrogue23 chapter 17 . 9/28/2011
I will let you know if i want to adopt this story and I will take up your challenge.
| wolf-demon39 chapter 16 . 9/27/2011
Awesome story so far :D looking forward to the next chapter yay ulquiorra and naruto fight that should be gd
| HTM chapter 9 . 9/22/2011
Once again, really? A four year old Sasuke? Man, you must be really out of ideas, because that's just downright... I dunno. It's just not that good.
I'm sorry, but I can't stand Sasuke. Knowing that he'll live just makes me want to regurgitate... sorry, man...
| HTM chapter 8 . 9/22/2011
Really? Really? Flash-step jutsu? Really? Now the only thing I'm missing is the infamous 'jump-no-jutsu' I have yet to see anywhere.
Anyway, so Sasuke is conveniently all alone in a cave? Again, really? You might want to take a break once in a while to get your ideas sorted out properly. Now I mean no offense when I say that. Keep that in mind, please. It's just constructive criticism is often not really that well appreciated and understood the way it's supposed to be.
Also, never, ever, use numbers, ever. Use letters only. At least, that's what I do. It's just that numbers tend to break the reading flow the reader has. If a number all of a sudden pops up, then that just disrupts the flow of the story. Trust me when I say that I know from personal experience.
This story has loads of potential, as stated before by me, but alas, it seriously needs a rewrite. And a good change in story-direction too. Otherwise it's mediocre. I'm not blown away by your story, something that rarely happens anyway. Like the Chunin Exam Day story. It has blown me away. Albeit it blew me away negatively. It's a frustrating story to read, since it has the direct opposite problem you have (along with many, many others). Too slow a development. You have too fast a development.
Also, you have guts to kill off Sakura. Talk about a tale of an utterly gutsy ninja, huh?
| HTM chapter 7 . 9/22/2011
While not your best chapter, it is tolerable to an extent. Dammit, I am sounding as if I'm a perfectionist with a craving for good authors. No, I'm not.
Anyway, Hinata only stutters when she is in the presence of either her family (pre-shippuden, which is obviously what this fic is not) or in the presence of Naruto. Yet still she stammers when she talks to Ichigo. Strange, that.
Also, I find it weird that all of a sudden (I realize you did a time-skip by a few days) Naruto is bright and cheery again. Strange, that, too.
And this is not really that much of a complaint, but why was Kakashi earlier than Ichigo? Isn't Kakashi supposed to be late at EVERYTHING? Dammit, why can't I emphasize it with italics? Much better, italics, than caps.
And Anko, a Special Jounin, is the replacement for Sakura? A Special Jounin? Really? I mean, come on! Alright, alright, I get the fact that it's supposed to be at least someone, so Anko was the one. And I realize that that gets Ichigo and Anko a bit closer than before. But you will have to be careful now. Don't rush! Alright, alright, the message has been firmly integrated into you by now, I realize, I realize. I also tend to repeat things, I know, I know.
| HTM chapter 6 . 9/22/2011
Yay. Now we get to know about Ichigo's previous encounter with the supposedly psychotic Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez.
One question. How could Naruto contain his sanity when he is in the nine-tailed state? He should only be able to identify friend from foe, and that's it. He shouldn't even be able to control the Kyuubi's chakra at all. Also, how can he throw the Rasenshuriken? (by the way, you spelled it "Rasengashuriken") He can only throw it when he has it covered with Sage chakra. I know, because it is stated so in the manga. And when Naruto is in the Kyuubi Chakra Mode, he doesn't actually throw it. He uses a chakra hand to guide it.
And then there is the fight itself. It was alrigtht, it was just really short, just like your chapters. Now, I mean no ill intent when I say that. I want you to know that. Also, try combining some of your future chapters. That could actually help a little.
| HTM chapter 5 . 9/22/2011
Yet again you rush things. But I am sure you have gotten the message, so I'll stop commenting on that, don't worry.
Well, there are not many grammatical errors nor spelling mistakes from what I have seen, but the decision to kill off Sakura? Well, I don't really care either way. Sakura can burn in hell for all I care about.
Anyway, there is something you need to know about chakra. Chakra isn't like reiryoku. It cannot be channeled like reiatsu. The only way to properly sense chakra signatures would be through being a sensor. But I totally get the 'evil feeling' thingy with the chakra. The Kyuubi was known for having evil chakra, so why shouldn't Ichigo be able to have evil chakra as well when he was using his hollow mask?
But anyway, you could go in more detail about the environments, for example. Give a feeling that the team Ichigo's in has taken a long trek or something, something to indicate that the team had travelled a distance from Konoha.
Anyway, on to the next chapter!
| HTM chapter 4 . 9/22/2011
And I guess I'm supposed to think that it's cute that Ichigo is denying being with Anko? Because I don't think it's cute, or adorable, or anything else.
I think I'm going to say it for myself when I say that I am beginning to see this as a rushed story. Nothing else. Sorry, man...