|Reviews for The Reluctant Lord|
| Guest chapter 7 . 6/17
Nice fic one of the better ones I've read keep going!
| Isa Lumitus chapter 13 . 6/16
First, your thoughts on this being cliche: Tropes are Tools. Did you use tropes? Of course! Good luck writing without them. A cliche is a trope used in a boring way.
Second: your worry about deviating far enough away from canon that it could almost be an original work. Breaking away from what we've seen before is what makes a fanfic stand out from the crowd. And I know of at least one fanfic with changed names that hit bestseller status. This very concern of yours is one of the things that drew me to this.
Third, trying to fit all the Fridge Logic (and Magic) into a logical framework? That is literally what I look for in a fic. Even in original works, I love deconstructions of cliches. Especially if it's darkish.
Also, as a general rule, I find erotica as something to skim over. Avoiding excessive descriptions of just what pulsed and which thing went where helped the readability for me a lot.
Overall, I can understand if one day, you look at what you've written, and you can't reconcile it anymore. It's happened in my amateur writing, after all. That said, I liked what I read. So I leave you with some advice:
Write an original work. Get it published. Even if only on Wordpress. You have the ability if you can find the motivation.
| Isa Lumitus chapter 12 . 6/16
Woo! Go Hanna. Nice to finally see that 'Hufflepuff Loyalty' do some good.
| apAidan chapter 12 . 6/14
A very interesting and intense chapter.
Not certain if you're still monitoring this but I have a thought on the fanon convention of a written version of Parseltongue. Actually, two of them. maybe three.
The first is that it wouldn't be the first time that an outside culture has created a written version of a completely verbal language. As an example, Europeans on a number of occasions created a written version of several Native American languages that was in turn adopted as the 'official' written version of that language.
Secondly, parseltongue might not be totally verbal, but the form written by snakes is unintelligible to other species. Since it would, primarily, consist of differing vibrations, they might find a way to 'record' those vibrations in their version of a written language and the written parseltongue constructed by wizards is simply a means for non snakes to record things in the language.
Thirdly, and this is a hybrid one, you could take either the eastern concepts of snake / human hybrids or species to it's logical end and have a written language used by the Nagas or other ophidian races. Or have 'snake' as a variant of the draconic languages and leave it to the dragons to develop a way of recording what their lessers are saying.
All in all, an interesting chapter in an intersting story
| r2k-in-the-vortex chapter 1 . 5/18
Nice 1st chapter, I think this might be a good one
| Runecutter chapter 13 . 3/29
A good story is not measurable in fixed terms of length. It is exactly as long as it needs to be to tell the story, develop the characters and bring the world it is set in to live. As you are publishing this online there is not even necessarily a finite amount of words that can be pressed into a single volume or "book" and if it were necessary for your own happiness making a break and opening up a follow-up story is not a big deal. Stories like Bobmins "Sundown/Sunrise over Britain" (together about a round million words) are perfectly fine and the bloating can be very controlled and still leave humungous amounts of wordcount over. It mainly depends on the number and detail of story threads and acting cast.
It's sad that you've decided to give this up and go away from a plot and worldbuild that was fascinating, varied and in many aspects wonderfully unique and confidently independent. Next to everything was possible and the threads that could be further explained were legion, which i can easily see attract a large and enthusiastic audience to exactly such a kind of ten year, over a hundred chapter fic as this might have ultimately turned out to be.
Just as i could have seen this work without a big rewrite as the mystery and only slow revelation of details was one of the more fascinating sides of what you'd already written... Once the rituals were finished, Althric Artificers was ready to go public and Harry and his harem were ready to confront one or both of the "evil" Lords (at least i still think your Dumbledore was a completely rotten bastard ruthless to the bone and with the described carelessness for simple lifes it rather turns worse than better, he just does not "cackle" but bustle along in his secret ivory tower under exclusion of the public) there still would have been to correct some "false assumptions" or maybe rather willfully strewn out misinformations that led to earlier "mistakes" in the background and their plans... After all until it was time for that the perspective would have rested mostly on the school and so we'd not have gotten to see much of magical Britain outside the gates of Hogwarts.
As for the rituals... yeah there would have been some repetition, but as we've so far only seen one ritual and that was for the most part very symbolic and sketchy, more focused on the emotional aspect of "preparing" Daphne than the sheer physical act of copulation, there seemed to be no danger of repeating yourself too often, especially with the dangerous turn out of this one and Harry's panic to maybe kill another of his coven's girls by making a similar mistake there would have been lots of options to "fine tune" and describe the process as changing, fluid and with a lot of subtle but narratively important additions and twists so making it a storyline of its own instead of seven slightly different lemons with big pieces of cut and paste... let Harry perfect the potions, runesets and alchemical changes, have him give the girls vastly differing "gifts" or bloodlines and add some external influence forcing the ritual scenes to be not all the same, moon phases, seasons, personality... so not all the processes would be virtually identical. Problem "solved. Not that there ever would have been one, had you started out writing with the end results of the ritual and possible consequences/side effects already in mind instead of just taking it as a chance to have him deflower seven hot birds... ;)
I'm sad you did shirk back from the possibility to write this epic lore to the ultimate end, the potential was incredible great, but it's your decision and your own time, work and preferences that were on the stakes and drawing a line before you've invested too much into it may have been a sensible decision. Forcing yourself to continue on and on will only result in misery and writer's block.
Thanks for the chapters already published and maybe one day you#ll have the thirst and ideas for another epic story and "more than 150,000 words" will not be so frightening an idea as it seems to be now. I'd be happy to see that emerge.
| Runecutter chapter 12 . 3/29
The whole subject of Parseltongue is complicated... why should there even BE a language of snakes? They aren't social beings, they are not high up on the intelligence scale and usually they are not even magical, that is at least the major part of the snake population should be mundane, despite Basilisks, Runespoors and Quetzalcoatls...
So it's probably not really a "tongue" at all, a natural language that originated with the snakes, but more like a control system for snake tamers, a magical commanding method for ophidians both translating the master's commands into sentiments and directions the snake can understand and process and the other way round making the feelings and wants of the reptile intelligible to the wizard.
Which then of course would allow for a system to put it into writing, just like Runes allow other dialects to be written down or even used for casting magic, everything that has intent and sense behind it can be put into writing, as alphabets per definition are random and constructed for the purpose of giving sounds and/or concepts (Chinese letters or Hieroglyphs) a storable and transferable form that can be learned and taught.
How much you can DO with parseltongue writing is another question. If you just take it as a way to communicate and maybe force your will upon a snake it can only be a "secret language" that does only make sense to you if you already know the phonetic equivalents, that is "can speak it"... if it allows for fanlore concepts like "Parselmagic" it would be similar to runes in that it could also be used to work magic without the need to be present to cast it, e.g. in form of wards or enchantments...
At least this is a comfortable, functioning and mostly logical/realistic way to explain how/why it could be used and why/how there could be an alphabet for it. Storywise it would of course also work to ridicule the idea of parselmagic and parselscript, but there is no need to take that as the only alternative open to the author of fanfics...
| IcySneasel chapter 15 . 2/25
I actually really liked how this story was developing and I read it and Its sad that you didnt want to continue on with it and write it completely out but I am at least glad you took the time to write the rest of your outline to it to give some kind of wrap up. Wish more discontinued stories had authors that would do that too.
| thebetawholived chapter 15 . 1/21
Interesting story: although incomplete, it has a richness of detail. There is everything from heraldry to rituals to breeding magical animals to muggle business. The author provided us with notes on the events to wrap up the story, along with a fairly clear description of the final result.
I've enjoyed this, and I hope the author can find the time to convert notes into prose someday.
| thebetawholived chapter 11 . 1/21
Lots of action, but at the same time it's taking a long time to get from the start of term to Hermione's birthday, which is in September if I recall canon. There is so much tension building up in the story that even things that would add to stability, such as people changing houses, just feeds into the volatility of circumstances.
Gotta go read what happens next!
| thebetawholived chapter 6 . 1/20
Well, I've started to see some smut in a small unoffensive way, but there's still a strong plot to the story, wrapped mostly around independent study of magic and shared magical power. There's also a generous slice of action around Sirius's will and its consequences.
Still worth reading!
| thebetawholived chapter 2 . 1/20
Haven't run into any smut yet, but plenty of plot. The writing style just slightly choppy, jumping from perspective to perspective The story has the feel of a well-organized plot that is complex enough to be confusing at first but interesting as it develops. It seems like Harry and his friends are 'grey' rather than black or white, but it's not clear. One very interesting twist is a strange compulsion that one of the characters has . . . I'm really looking forward to events as they unfold. Great story!
| DarkPirateKing69 chapter 4 . 10/2/2014
don't know how this was supposed to be a Smut fic.. oh well,it has been fairly entertaining so far. if you can ignore the glaring fact that this is in a huge need of prequel.
| Um the Muse chapter 11 . 9/27/2014
You put in a warning against rape, but not against suicide? Poor Ginny. I feel for her.
| The Insane Blue Rubber Ducky chapter 15 . 8/28/2014
if this is discontinued please remove the complete tag, this is NOT a completed story, it incomplete so please mark it as such.