|Reviews for The God Particle|
| Matt chapter 50 . 4/10
Need new chapters now!
| panzerhunde chapter 50 . 3/9
very well written story. I was pulls into this from the start,I'm looking forward to future updates.
| Terran34 chapter 50 . 1/16
Sorry about the wait, but school just started for me. You know how it is. Anyhow, time to review this chapter. This was a bit shorter than some of the earlier chapters, but that's fine. I was just glad to see what was going on with Swordstorm, because his story is pretty riveting.
You told me earlier that the scene with the criminal was meant for a purpose other than making Swordstorm look awesome. I've read it several times over, so I'm not sure if I'm seeing this correctly, but I believe this scene was used to develop Megan's character, and deepen the relationship between the her and Swordstorm. If I'm correct, then I believe it was done well. I half expected Megan to be completely dropped after her role in the story was over, but I'm not so sure about that anymore.
I have to respect her a little bit. Under the same circumstances, I would have been so appalled and angry that I probably would have demanded the criminal's death. After all, that is a normal human reaction. Which leads me to ask, what has Megan dealt with in her past, that such a traumatizing event doesn't leave her a screaming mess after the fact? Even through she was saved, someone who has never experienced hardship would have been freaked out by what might have happened, and yet Megan was more concerned with why she was saved. I hope to hear more about Megan and her past in the future.
Also, a random note. For some reason, I found it hilarious when the criminal tried to tell the police about Swordstorm. That police officer was so chill about it. Not even a "huh, haven't heard that one." He just rolled with it, and that made me laugh. Bet he has a story to tell his family. "Guess what this guy tried to pull!"
Lastly, the second part of this chapter. There's not really much to say, as Swordstorm's mission is over now. Now it's all up to Eric. I'm on the edge of my seat here. Don't keep me waiting long! XD
| rajahsipad chapter 50 . 1/12
| rajahsipad chapter 37 . 1/12
ew humanxpony me puking
| Guest chapter 1 . 1/5
Obviously he divided by zero in his mind while listening to music.
| Terran34 chapter 49 . 1/4
Merry Christmas to you sir, and a happy New Year. I must say I've never been happier to see an email from fanfiction pop into my inbox, as it was informing me of another chapter of this masterpiece.
Firstly, I don't believe I said so before, but I immensely enjoy your portrayal of ponies on earth, as it is so rarely done. That being said, Celestia's story has been riveting, and her interactions with the environment around her were realistic and enjoyable to read. Therefore, I was glad to see this chapter start off with Swordstorm. This OC of yours has been very interesting to read about. More often than not I find it hard to care about OC ponies, but this one has grown on me.
Now, his meeting with Megan. While overall I enjoyed it, I do have one thing I feel a bit picky about. When she returned to the lab after its destruction, she showed some surprise at its state. However, if I am correct in assuming that she has been returning there every day, wouldn't she have caught at least some inkling of the lab building's impending doom?
James' interaction with the town of Trottingham was somewhat predictable in that the changelings would not be readily accepted. Despite this, I was glad to see James acting within his authority to arrest other ponies, although I do find it somewhat odd that a pony would risk disobeying the council, and by extension, Celestia, all for simple bigotry.
Lastly, I wish to point out something about the last scene of the chapter. A lot of stories I read here seem to throw in a chance encounter with bandits or thugs. While this in and of itself isn't necessarily bad, my issue lies in that these scenes usually serve little to no purpose apart from making a character or characters look good after they beat up the baddies and save the girl. I do not mean to imply that you are doing such, as I have complete faith in your storytelling abilities. I merely wished to express my hopes that you will break cliche and make something of such a scene.
In conclusion, despite all of this criticism I am giving, allow me to assure you that it is intended to be purely constructive. After all, I did find this chapter an enjoyable read, as you once again exceed my expectations of any fanfiction writer. I just know that, as a writer myself, there is nothing more infuriating than a reviewer who says little other than "it's good," and offers no suggestions on how to improve. Now, all flowery words and justifications aside, I love this chapter, and I look forward to seeing more from you.
| Terran34 chapter 48 . 12/14/2013
Not many stories drive me to review them, as I am known for being incredibly lazy, but I feel the need to express my appreciation for this incredible story. I tend to shy away from Human in Equestria stories, mostly because there are so many of them, and most of them do not even try to disguise the fact that they are there simply so that the author can have a relationship with one of the mane 6. However, yours, along with Diaries of a Madman, has been truly riveting to read.
Now, to the meat of the review. I am in fact reviewing your entire story, rather than just this chapter. I enjoyed how realistically your character reacted to Equestria. Rather than just having your character shrug and decide to go with it, your character had a mental breakdown, which is honestly how I would react in such a situation as well. That being said, I am glad that you had some exposition in the human world to begin with, as most HiE stories spend less than a minute (give or take) on Earth before traveling through a portal that has little to no explanation as to why it appeared in the first place. Instead, you chose to go the scientific route. From the details I've seen you integrate into this story, I assume you are somewhat experienced in what you are saying. When science is integrated into fantasy, it can turn out incredible, such as Honor Trip from the DBZ category. You have more than satisfied me in this regard. Lastly, I cannot express how grateful I am that you didn't describe Equestria as being a TV show in James' world. It never turns out well when a human has to explain to ponies that their life is nothing but an animated creation, and then they go on to oddly accept this fact and then later forget it like it's no big deal. I cringe whenever I see this being done, and usually that means I stop reading.
Next, I would like to praise your integration of romance into the story. While human/pony relationships always strike me as odd, I understand the feeling that it is the mind, and not the body, that matters in a relationship. I am glad that you did not fall into the trap that other HiE authors tend to fall into. By "trap," I am referring to how often I see the human falling in love with one or more of the Mane 6 in less than a day, and then getting married to them in less than a week. It turns me off when I can just tell that a story is a poorly disguised excuse to have a pony harem. Now, I predicted early on that your character would have a relationship with Twilight due to their similar interests and personalities, but I did not predict how well you managed to pull such a relationship off. Relationships are not supposed to be rushed, and you more than impressed me with your pacing. During the scene where Twilight and James are arguing, I can honestly say that I was moved. I could not have foreseen any pony fanfiction author pulling off such a perfect moment as that, but you did it, and I applaud you.
Moving on to the story, I have a few criticisms, which I will start out with. Firstly, while you did introduce each of the Mane 6, most of them quickly took a backseat to Twilight. Yes, I understand that this was so the relationship between her and James could be developed, but I would not have objected to a few more scenes, filler-ish or not, showing his interactions with a few of the others. I am not forgetting the scene with Applejack and Rainbow Dash training him, but I felt that it was skimmed over, as the only thing you explicitly stated them doing was running, and then you proceeded to talk about their training as if it had been much more. This is just an example, of course. Apart from that, the story was paced well, and didn't give away anything too soon. The only major villain shown so far was the aisling, and I get the impression that you meant it to be terrifying. While it was, to an extent, I feel it is somewhat cliche for a villain to attempt to subvert another by showing his or her friends dead or dying. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but if you truly wanted to terrify James, and by extension the reader, step it up a notch. Yes, it is heart-wrenching to see loved ones in their coffins, but it would be even more frightening to see them less "peaceful," for lack of a better word. Now, the last bit of criticism is the aisling itself. The concept of the Beyond is incredibly fascinating, but the moment the aisling opened its mouth, it became less terrifying. If you show that the enemy can be reasoned with (albeit ineffectively), it becomes just another crazy. Not to say that I didn't love your villain, of course. I hope to see more of this aisling, and what it can do. You don't have to take this advice if you don't wish to, but I personally believe that it wold only make your incredible story better.
In conclusion, the time I spent reading this story was like a blur to me. I spent a great deal of time sitting mesmerized, reading this masterpiece. It is not often I write reviews, but you have more than earned my devotion. That being said, it worries me when I see that the last update was over two months ago. If you are busy, that is fine, but I can't help but worry that there might not be another chapter. I say this because, as a writer myself, I have left a few stories incomplete, and it was a shame. It would be a complete shame if the same happened to this one. I also noticed that there hasn't been a review since two months ago as well, so I hope the timing and magnitude of this one comes as a surprise to you.
You and this story have definitely earned a spot on my favorites, and I look forward to reading (and reviewing) your other stories as well.
| Guest chapter 1 . 10/2/2013
Quite the story, kept me up all night reading practically half of the entire series. Hope the next chapters come quick. Your a genius with your writing, some of the best writing I've seen and your equations and science theory parts are amazingly thought out. Same as with the stories plot. The suspense is almost to much to bear, hurry to get the next few chapters out please!
| Lewascan2 chapter 48 . 9/29/2013
Aw, and I was hoping for a Battle for Las Pegasis, near the end of that chapter. This story: Awesome. This update: also awesome. I'm very glad, that there are talanted writers like you out there.
And as I always say (more or less XD): Keep on writing! :D
| PaulBlay chapter 47 . 8/19/2013
Fascinating story, I hope to see more chapters soon. :)
| Lockdownthegunner chapter 9 . 8/13/2013
Dis story good i keep my eye on it
| Lewascan2 chapter 42 . 8/10/2013
*after reading chapter 42* O_O Holy crap! Sweetie Bell is powerful! She got her cutie mark! :D
| Lewascan2 chapter 36 . 8/10/2013
Okay, that chapter was freakin epic. I can put it no other way. This story is one of the best things I've ever read on Fanfiction. There are just so many things that make this story one of the greatest that I can't seem to find words for them. Seriously, I wanna roll all over tha floor, hooting with excitement and the desire for more. Truly, this is a work of art.
As always: Keep on writing! :D
| Lewascan2 chapter 18 . 8/2/2013
Strangely this chapter reminded me of the song: Fallen Kingdom, by Captain Sparkles. What an erie vision.