|Reviews for The God Particle|
| epicdonut2344 chapter 12 . 12/4/2011
Very good story
| False Narrative chapter 5 . 12/4/2011
Time for the fifth chapter, EquZephyr. As usual, this was another good chapter.
Very nice descriptions of Princess Celestia's castle. An eye for detail is always nice.
The interactions between Twilight and James make this story quite entertaining. And the references to the things of James' world added some awkwardness that just resulted in some quite humor.
Nice work overall.
| reguile chapter 12 . 12/4/2011
im starting to see something here...
your doing it well though. i can deal with it
| dr.evil99 chapter 12 . 12/4/2011
I have to say... I lurked around this story for a while before reviewing, simply because most "humans in equestria" stories end up devolving into thinly veiled Sues running around with the ponies (that's when they're bothered to be veiled at all.) But this one seemed different from the start, so I gave it a chance, and I'm very glad I did.
The whole perspective of this story is quite different from what is typical of this type, and the character interaction is solid. Everyone speaks with just the right voice, no one's personality is too exaggerated (even when James is being extra-obstinate in the early chaps, I would say that's a defense mechanism on his part. I think he had a lot of trouble letting go and accepting he had to learn a new set of rules for his new world.) I am very interested to see where this goes... you've hinted at a larger plot brewing, and I'd speculate that Celestia's actions in this chapter somehow dovetail into that. Have to admit feeling sorry for James, too... It was nice watching him bond with the Mane 6, and having those friendships moved out of the picture somewhat is going to be hard for him, I think. Despite all his disagreements with Twilight, it was clear he respected and cared for her greatly, and Applejack and Dash were a great support for him when he needed it (as this chapter made very clear.)
Very good work, this fic seems to improve with every chapter, and I'm looking forward to more.
| megamanxzeroaxel chapter 12 . 12/4/2011
A every good chapter nicely done
| bearie chapter 2 . 12/4/2011
lol i shoot my dog with my ipod and he has the same reaction.
| spyrolink chapter 12 . 12/4/2011
Why did the chapter have to end on a sad note? Now I have to read something happy to balance it out.
By the way, I liked the idea of making James stay in Canterlot, though not saying good-bye was a little sad. Can't wait to read what his first day would be
| Gh0st's buddy chapter 12 . 12/4/2011
Great chapter, next chapter should be interesting to see how James will cope with lving in Canterlot.
| False Narrative chapter 4 . 12/4/2011
My apologies; I meant to get back to this story sooner. But I'm here now. Time for the fourth installment.
I quite liked the inclusion of magic-barring handcuffs (or would they be called "hoofcuffs"?). Either way, it was cool. I also enjoy seeing James' reaction to everything around him. But who in the right mind would think they're not dreaming when they're talking to a pony? (I would absolutely love that, but I digress.)
Twilight's speaking patterns are in-character and just made it a delight to read. I look forward to what the remaining ponies of the mane six will have to say when they interact with James.
Besides a few comma issues, this was another well-written chapter. I look forward to what goes on between James and Princess Celestia. Until then.
| NightCore chapter 11 . 11/28/2011
I have to say that I liked Fluttshy's introduction :D Most introductions are of her being her usual timid self to newcomers, but I liked how she gave him "the stare" right off the bat XD.
What's this? Looks like there might be a way to have James return home after all, but will he want to? oooo can't wait for that
Have a good one.
| Novanto chapter 11 . 11/24/2011
| False Narrative chapter 3 . 11/22/2011
We arrive at the end of the third chapter of this story.
I already mentioned the issues with the dialogue and the comma placement in my previous review, so I won't repeat that.
In terms of characterization, I think you've done a great job; Fluttershy being quite the animal lover, and Twilight being the curious "egghead" as you put it, as well as her acting all civil when meeting James. Liked Rainbow Dash here, but who doesn't?
One thing I am curioius about is James' reaction to Rainbow Dash searching for him by air. I think if the vegetation was high enough, he could just lay down in it, unless he was in a wide open area.
I am quite interested in the way Twilight made James' muscles seize. Quite a useful spell. I liked how hse went about making him stop, so I commend you on that.
And we reach the end. Not much I can really say save for "so far, so good". Much, much better than the typical human-goes-to-Equestria fic. Well done.
| Scarlet Rabbit chapter 1 . 11/22/2011
Oh, look another Human in Equestria story. How unoriginal!
| False Narrative chapter 2 . 11/20/2011
Hello again, EquZephyr; I hope I can offer some good feedback for this second installment of your story.
Pretty nice detail you've written regarding James' new surroundings.
There are a few issues I wanted to point out.
["Well, maybe I can't get a cell phone signal, but I should at least be able to find out just where the hell I am.", he said as he looked at his iPhone again and turned on the GPS.] There's no need to add a period at the end of the dialogue if you add the dialogue tags, which you have done here. Rather, just end the dialogue with a comma and then end in the quotations. Not really a huge issue - it doesn't bother me all that much since the rest of your writing is perfectly legible, but it's something to watch out for.
Aside from that, there are a few places where an extra word would be helpful. As I said before, it's not that much of a problem, but I think it would be worth mentioning.
I quite liked how James was able to utilize a seemingly useless app on his iPhone to scare off Fluttershy. There isn't much else I can say, but I'll have more to offer in the next chapters, I'm certain. This chapter was short for my tastes, but that's my preference. All in all, good work.
I hope this review was helpful.
| Whitefang333 chapter 11 . 11/19/2011
Ah a longer chapter, how satisfying!
I see you've adressed depression as a problem James has to face ( I feel as if article helped him a bit to get a little moral support and a message that you need friend's support if you want to be something grater). James is acting nice in this chapter and calm ( especially to Twilight). Looks like he made peace with himself and is ready to make most of the situation he found himself in.
As of Twilight violating his mind. It was not a good move from the young mare's side. Friends do not do things like that without consent of the other side and judging from Jame's current development a honest talk would solve the situation. I hope you will adres the issue as Twilight will have to tell him about the magic thread to his world and how she came to know about it. It could put a scar on their friendship, a lack of trust on one side or perhaps another reason why Twilight did what she did.
On the other note. For a moment I thought that Twilight will be able to look into his mind if he is capable of using magic and activate this ability in him. Human using magic, that would be certainly interesting. It looks like James will be able to go back to his world, I just hope this won't happen too fast and you still have a long story to tell. Thank you for another chapter.