|Reviews for Neon Genesis Striker|
| Guest chapter 17 . 9/3/2013
When is elia brought in
| Guest chapter 12 . 9/3/2013
I see sakamoto slapping hanna for that comment
| Guest chapter 2 . 9/2/2013
Wepl damn thats 1 side of yoshika I dont wanna see or be the target of
| Black Ace 0 chapter 1 . 10/25/2011
| Toby860 chapter 5 . 10/12/2011
I think you should of kept shinji as the main could of replaced asuka. Shinji is evangelion. He has to be part of the story
| Toby860 chapter 4 . 9/29/2011
awsome. strike witches and evangelion. perfect combination.
| tehprognoob chapter 1 . 9/26/2011
Alright. Hate having to break it to you, but:
(And I shall endeavor to make an ass of myself.)
1. Your command of basic grammar is painful to behold. Having read the first chapter, I find it hard to follow your sentences. The placement of the all-mighty comma is very awkward, and there is a difference between "there" and "their."
2. The language and dialogue sound mechanical, artificial and unwieldy. Your perpetual use of variations of the verb "cause"-esp. in the ing form-is repetitive. There is something not right with the way characters speak. The conversation needs to be drawn out and less of a recitation of events on screen.
_To add to that, it is distracting for you to spew information by the bucketload. I wish to infer, and in the process be entertained by the subtle ingenuity of writing.
3. For heaven's sake, slow the story down. The pacing verges upon the ridiculous. Even an on-screen anime could not manage to so botch up the motions of the characters-in fact, they seem to only be going through motions, much more like puppets than fleshed out, independant beings.
_This is almost a word-by-word recitation of Evangelion with Strike Witches elements displacing their counterparts. I will with-hold judgement for this point for future chapters, of course. In the meantime, read or re-read some great classics and modern novels, take them apart, and please, pay heed to MS Word's grammar checker (or that of any other word-editing program you use.).
I hate to be so critical, I don't know you and I'm clearly in no position to scold you. Let this be a series of well-meaning pieces of advice. Follow at your own discretion.
| Zoids Fanatic chapter 1 . 8/13/2011
Well, you finally made this. Good for ya! With months of planning (wish I did that, most of my stories pop up over night), I can't really see any problems at all with it, so I do have no complaints at all really. Spelling and grammar are fine, you have good formatting... over all a good story. Can't honestly say I am a fan of replacing one cast for another, but I can't really complain, can I?
But please try to not go overboard with fanservice. While it's fun to write, it usual takes away from the story... unless it's actually happened in Neon... yeah, it's been years since I've seen it.
Well, keep up the good work!