|Reviews for Premonition of Love|
| XxDeathStarxX chapter 9 . 1/9/2012
Aww, poor Jamie was so scared of her own wedding because of that asshole. He'd deserve to be taught a lesson. Maybe the Cape could make him a surprise visit :)
Fortunately the wedding was very beautiful... and the groom didn't run away this time :P I hope that Vince was finally able to make Jamie forget about her bad experience, replacing it with something else entirely. I really liked the wedding scene between them. It was very touching. I was also glad to see that Jamie got her mother back.
My favorite part of this story was the Vince/Orwell goodness in the end of chapter 4 and continuing in the chapter 5 :)
| IronAmerica chapter 9 . 1/9/2012
Awwwww... :( This is the last chapter? *is sad*
Lovely opener. Although I do believe that Jamie is engaging in nepotism here. Ah well. At least they're happy.
Nice to see Scales looking out for his family. (The workers would wish they were dead? Your sentence is a mite confusing there.)
Awwwwah. Scales is such a sweetie- Dana really should have reconsidered here. Jamie wouldn't have minded. Much.
Oh Orwell. This is *Vince* we're talking about. Besides, if he tried anything, Dominic would slaughter him. He's just looking out for you.
Vince is also incredibly lucky that he doesn't have an angry Scales or a hangover on his hands. A strip club? My my. Dominic must have been wanting an excuse... (Being ashamed of, not for.) Oh Vince.
Jamie should listen to Dana more, honestly. And Dominic only spent a month on the couch? Wow. What did he do, turn the puppy dog eyes on full to get a reprieve?
And Dana's having a kid? Cool. That could either be good or bad, depending on how you view Scales having a small child to help raise.
What's this? Jamie's mother? Uh-oh...
Throw them in the storage unit. You don't actually *need* them for this...
Quite honestly, Jamie is in the right here. Her mother disappears for twelve years and then shows up out of the blue with nary an explanation? Oy. Well, at least Jamie's the forgiving sort.
She must be happy. :) (First, not fist; and "who" doesn't need to be capitalized inside the parentheses.) And Dana would have killed him right there in the church for that.
Of course li'l Steph would. Evil little child... :D :P
Nice to see everything working out for everyone. Well, except for Vince- now he's got two people tormenting him, and one of them is safe from retribution.
Awwww. Not even a hint of scales? Foo. At least she acts like Dominic, so it's not all bad.
So nice to see Dominic teaching his daughter the best way to torment Vince. He'll never be alone. :D
Isn't she precious?
This was my favorite chapter, hands down. And, aside from the quibbles noted in the review, nothing was wrong. Even the commas were behaving.
I'm still kinda sad this story is ending, though.
| XxDeathStarxX chapter 8 . 1/7/2012
Vince must have seen Cameron in TV to know that Orwell would look like a total badass in combat boots and with a gun! lol He's so lucky to have a girl who can transform into pretty much anything you can think of. It would've been so funny if Orwell had used an outfit like Cameron once in the show when she needed to use a disguise!
It looked like Vince would've liked to be the Cape so bad, at least for a day... :D Too bad he has such a smart girl who could solve their problem without any violence! Maybe he'll still get the chance to be Orwell's superhero in the epilogue some way ;)
They're one of the cutest couples ever, and they complement each other so well. But they're not your typical brain and brawn, because Orwell can get into the action too and Vince is pretty smart too, even though they can't really compete with each other on those fields.
Vince's pitiful look seems to be working quite well as it comes to Orwell, but maybe he should learn 'the patented puppy dog look' to get even better results :P
Such a nice ending once again :) Can't wait for the epilogue!
| IronAmerica chapter 8 . 1/7/2012
Oooh, a new chapter! Yay!
Vince always has a plan, even if it fails. (That can be two sentences, by the way, and you don't need a comma there.) It's nice to see that he's finally becoming the Cape, though. The "Vince getting his ass kicked by everyone in the carnival" scenes were awesome. :D
Oh Orwell. Zombies only go for the brains of smart people. :)
Max interrupts. Good for him. I doubt he wants to explain to the health board what they were doing in his club. :P
Wait, what? There's no training scene? Awww... :( Oh well. Can't wait to see Scales' reaction to *this*. (Charity ball, not charitable.)
Oh Jamie. You're dad loves you and does want you to come home. He's just not too bright about getting the job done. *sighs*
Love Dana's reaction to Vince's costume. If this were any other 'verse (like TC or the canon where Vince wasn't a moron), I could see this fitting in as married banter. As it is, it's still friggin' hilarious. :P *approves*
Scales! Yay! Love his reaction to the costume even more. That poor man. Ah well. He'll have to get blackmail to use on Vince after this. Sleeping on the couch would be worth it. :D
Why yes, Dales *is* adorable. Why do you ask?
Is the news station Kory as in the name, or is it supposed to be KORY? *is confused*
Cute banter. You're definitely finding your "voice" for things like this.
What? Vince didn't need to become the Cape? Awwww... :( *is sad* I liked watching him do all the crazy tricks. Especially with the physics-defying hood! :D
Ah well. At least Fleming is in jail, although that seemed way too easy for some reason. *shrugs*
In the realm of quibbles, you've seen most of them. You actually dropped commas this time, although there were a few in places they shouldn't have been. But it didn't detract from the overall story, so you're good. :)
Looking forward to the epilogue. Kinda sad this is over, though. :(
| XxDeathStarxX chapter 7 . 12/31/2011
Aww, the ending was very touching :) The most interesting part of it was Orwell's complex reaction to seeing Vince again. At first she was all scared and confused, but turned angry and hurt pretty quick, only to finally surrender into his arms. Loved it! What I've always loved about Orwell's character is that she can be so strong and vulnerable at the same time.
I'll have to agree with Vince that a sleeping Orwell is adorable :) Even though she was awake in the beginning of the last episode of the show, lying on the white sofa, that was the first picture that came into my mind regarding a sleeping Orwell being curled up and whining into her pillow. It would be a tough call to make which one is more adorable, a blushing or a sleeping Orwell! lol
It seems that I was right about Jamie turning into Orwell. Nice! It has to be Vince's turn next, right? ;) I'm looking forward to the next chapter!
| IronAmerica chapter 7 . 12/30/2011
Oooh! A new chapter at last! Yay!
Nice opening. Even if I don't ship, I can definitely tell that Jamie is in pain. Good emotions here. (Small sentence flow quibble: you could say "Jamie's shoulders drooped and she sighed". I should probably include these quibbles in our AIM chats.)
Somehow, I think Max likes Jamie more than Vince. Vince never knocks. And he does always have good advice, even if some of it is *beyond* cryptic...
Well, Vince finally had a good idea. Until he decided to interrupt Dominic in the middle of intimate relationships with Dana. It's a wonder he didn't die... (Whoever is one word.)
Scratch that. Vince is lucky *Dana* didn't kill him. *sighs*
Loved Rollo's reaction to seeing Vince. It's almost like episode 7, with the sage, the Hail Mary's, and all of that. Oh Rollo. That's why we love you.
Very nice chapter overall. I loved the appearance of Scales and Dana- and the little reference to Shindig. :D *is pleased*
The quibbles were noted above. Not too many slip-in evil commas this time. :)
Other than that, it was very nice.
| IronAmerica chapter 6 . 12/12/2011
New chapter! Yay!
Oh Jamie, this is your life we're talking about. We can't make it simple!
Nice banter between Jamie and Vince. It's kinda brother-sister right now, even with the cutesy pet names. :) (Callous hand should be calloused hand. I don't think his hand has psychological issues.)
Don't really understand why the ARK cops went in without announcing themselves, before realizing that they were ARK. And if Fleming wanted his daughter, why did he let her go? *shrugs* Oh well.
Scales! Poor guy still doesn't like Christmas, huh?
Nice to see Scales and Dana being protective. And Scales getting over his personal issues to be helpful. :)
Well, that was unexpected. *stares at the dead body* Fleming doesn't know the definition of subtle, does he?
| XxDeathStarxX chapter 6 . 12/12/2011
Of course Jamie's father had to ruin Vince and Jamie's happiness - probably just for a while ;), but still. Didn't expect anything less from him. That man can't just let go.
I really liked their sweet moment in the beginning and how it suddenly turned into one of despair. Very nicely done! Obviously a blushing Orwell is my favorite, but what made it even better, was Vince deciding to comment on it. That was so cute :)
I wonder if Vince and Jamie are about to take their secret identities, The Cape and Orwell, after they're reunited, and start to fight against Chess. Can't wait to see what happens!
| XxDeathStarxX chapter 5 . 10/27/2011
Aww, the beginning of this chapter was so sweet. I'm glad that Vince was able to make Jamie believe in the power of love again. He better not leave her at the alter ;D
I liked what you did with Jamie and her dad. Even though she wanted nothing more than to leave the place, she still needed to show him that she loved him before leaving.
| IronAmerica chapter 5 . 10/26/2011
Three differnt updates in two days! If this keeps up, I'm going to be spoiled... :D :P
The interaction between Vince and Orwell were nice. Some of it was a bit creepy, but... *shrugs* It's here and gone in a second, so it all works out. :) It's cute, but not convincing me to ship just yet.
Nice to see Vince acting like a typical guy... And Orwell's opinion of Vince's place are nice to read. I used to live in a house like that... Pissant little kitchen *grumbles more under breath*
Even if they've been dating for about five months, that's *way* too soon to be considering marriage. Just my opinion- I'm sure it's worked for other people, but... *shrugs* Whatever.
To PoL!Orwell- And just *what* is wrong with playing bedsheet superhero, huh? *is annoyed* It's fun! :P
SCALES! And Dana too! :D :D :D *is happy*
Some quibbles over Scales' dialogue here: he should probably use "toff" in place of "rich man", and "nippers" in place of "kiddies". I'm the only one on the bat channel who's going to care, so whatever. *shrugs*
Somehow, I think Chess was talking to Jamie at that point... *is nervous* Loved the dialogue between the two of them though. Very nice, and would have fit in with Orwell's in-canon backstory nicely. :)
Fleming, on the other hand, really should watch what he says. If Dana hadn't been there, Fleming would have looked like so much roadkill for implying that Scales was a) a freak, and b) belonged in a cage. *lip wibble; is sad* :(
Can't wait to see how Vince and Scales interact later. I don't think it's going to end well for poor Vince though. :/
Aside from the above quibbles, and the fact that you misplaced one or two commas, this was an overall good chapter. I approve.
| XxDeathStarxX chapter 4 . 10/5/2011
Very good chapter!
It seems that Jamie's father has double standards concerning the age difference :D It'll be interesting to see how he'll react when he finds out that Jamie is defying him.
I especially liked the last part of this chapter. Vince comforting a distraught Jamie is always so cute :) And Vince's 'More than I can count' comment was very funny! It's nice to see him put his foot in his mouth once in a while. I guess he forgot that he was with his girlfriend and not hanging out with the boys. Big mistake! Haha! Lucky for him that he has an uncanny ability to mend such mistakes so easily ;)
| IronAmerica chapter 4 . 10/4/2011
Nice chapter, everything pretty much worked here.
A slight nitpick about Fleming's dialogue- he's a Brit, so he should be saying "university" instead of "college". It's a European thing. Don't ask.
I liked the little blurb about Fleming and his estranged wife. Am wondering when Chess is going to rear his ugly head, though. And I'm also wondering why Fleming is so blase about his princess being anywhere near a crazy smuggler...
Dominic still makes me laugh. I like this version of him, although he's a bit casual at this point. Refer to above comment about Chess. Still waiting for things like the elements from the show (i.e. crime, vigilantes, MPD, etc) to show up. Until that point, this is beginning to turn into a lovely piece of original fiction.
Other than that, I do like this. Having a protective!Scales is a nice difference from the love-sick criminal mastermind and the damaged psychopath I've written him as in the past.
Despite the diabetes at the end, this was a nice chapter. However, refer to the rant above again. I don't want to see this get booted for not being fanfiction.
| IronAmerica chapter 3 . 9/12/2011
Hey, it's an update! (And this review is after the fact...)
Of course Jamie would see the impending doom: she *knows* what Scales is like. And yes, Dana could scare *anyone* into submission. :)
And of course, Scales is *awesome*! The interrogation was funny, if a bit less than I was expecting. Oh well-what was there was fun to read.
The entire chapter was good, overall. No major quibbles, except with a few minor dialogue tags and word choices. It's not so noticeable, and doesn't detract from the flow of the story, though. :)
Looking forward to another update.
| XxDeathStarxX chapter 3 . 9/12/2011
You can call that an interrogation! Haha! I'm glad that Vince understands that nothing worth having comes easy. It seems that Peter has a different approach than Dominic though, and it'll not be Vince but Orwell who has to take the heat. Can't wait to see how 'the talk' goes!
There was some very beautiful moments between Vince and Orwell once again :) Good work!
| IronAmerica chapter 2 . 8/15/2011
Oh, Bobby; you should know better. Despite the fact that I agree with him, the interplay between the two is pretty good. You missed some words in their conversation (it makes it seem like Vince is talking *about* Bobby, not *to* Bobby).
Have a few nitpicks with improper capitalization, and a few things with grammar. Nothing too major that others will notice, but I'll explain them when you're on AIM again.
It's nice to see that Jamie/Orwell has such protective friends. But Dana is right-don't let Scales know. There won't be much evidence left...
Scales himself is just awesome, and still a scene-stealer. *falls out of chair laughing at the pet name* Excuse me for a minute...!
*Five minutes later*
Anywho, Scales is a scene-stealer, even when he's not supposed to be the main focus. I think you've got his dialgoue down pretty well, and this interpretation definitely meshes well with the rest of the reinterpreted cast. It's not canon, but it's still pretty good (even with the shipping).
I'm looking forward to reading more of this, even if it's only to see more of my favorite scene-stealer riling up his "little sister's" new boyfriend. (My god...he ate the last few boyfriends... *falls out of chair, laughing at Vince*)
This was a fairly good chapter over all. Spelling and grammar have definitely improved, although you're still having a few minor problems. Keep up the good work!