Reviews for Guardian of the Western Wall
Irako of the Desert chapter 1 . 8/15/2011
It's a fairly nice beginning, but there's a few continuity issues. One, dry heat doesn't make everything sticky. This is from personal experience from having lived almost my whole life in a desert. Instead, it feels like a wall that weighs on you and drains your energy. Humidity makes things sticky. Then, within the space of a few paragraphs, it's suddenly raining? It's a rather sudden transition from dry heat to rain, since dry heat tends to shred up clouds close to the ground. Two, if the wind blew from the northern side of the Wall, no Ancelstierran technology would work, period. It might be a little finicky if the wind was blowing parallel to the wall.

One thing that would help improve the story would be to describe the forces that are attacking. You mention that archers take down gore crows, and that a Free Magic creature crossed the wall. The presence of gore crows implies that there's a necromancer involved. It would be better to describe how the crows are attacking. I wondered if they were just kind of drifting around or if they were picking specific targets. Did the Free Magic spirit act as if it was just a random complication thrown in along with an attack by a necromancer or did it seem to work in concert with the dead? Also, I don't think rain really counts as running water to the Dead, and they would probably prefer the rain since it means cloud cover will keep the sun off of them.

I also think it's unrealistic for Sir Charles Andrew to be as calm as he seems to be, given the fact that a Free Magic creature and gore crows were just attacking. If it were me, I would be demanding reports and sending messages to the Queen and the Abhorsen as well as to other Perimeter guards. Just because he owns a private section of the Wall doesn't mean he's isolated from the rest of it. It'd be rather dumb for him to isolate himself from the Old Kingdom and the other Perimeter Guard Units, since if his section was overrun by dead, nobody would find out until it was too late. Also, it's difficult for any dead or Free Magic creature to cross the Wall, since the Wall itself tries to prevent that from happening with Charter Magic, as was shown in Abhorsen when Hedge was trying to cross with the two Hemispheres. Lesser Dead creatures were destroyed during the crossing in order to create an opening for the Hemispheres to cross. Only really powerful dead or Free Magic creatures can cross the Wall without too much of a problem.