|Reviews for Before It All|
| Crescent Blue chapter 9 . 2/11/2012
Wonderfully written! *_*
I love the concept of this story and can't wait to see more of this.
Please update soon and don't give up on it. Please don't. There's too many unfinished fanfics here on this site already!
| ArmyOfOne1112 chapter 9 . 9/24/2011
:o Poor Fernando! How did his house explode?
| Silkmouse chapter 5 . 8/26/2011
"Our own happy little family."
Gee that dream got messed up somewhere along the way. D Really great chapter!
| KhallieGurl chapter 4 . 8/19/2011
Again...your descriptions are awesome. Pedro was "cloaked in a shroud of vanity"? "Rose-like air"? "Green and gold patchwork of the jungle", "the rushing and roaring of the stirring city faded, sucked up by every innocent leaf, tree, and vine"? How do you THINK of this stuff?
Pedro "fell quickly into his personal pool of dreams." Love it. I also like that you describe the love between Pedro and Maria as growing "warmer and warmer in the manner of a freshly lit candle." Also, "her gentle accent stirred Pedro's blood on cue."
"I'm back once mo'!" HAHAHA.
A toucan? Perhaps RAFAEL?
I feel obligated to tell you that you use exclamation points a lot. Maybe a little too much. I get the feeling that everyone is either shouting or really really excited about routine conversation.
I'm gonna go ahead and admit that I was a little (very) disappointed Nico did not get to approach Pedro in this chapter, but I'm going to hold on to the dream that that's coming up. Eventually. Either way, it was a WONDERFUL chapter, I'm quite impressed with your dialogue, because you have Pedro down pat!
| Seiga Niko chapter 4 . 8/19/2011
Ah, so good...can't wait for more! Love it!
| KhallieGurl chapter 3 . 8/19/2011
Once again, kudos to an amazing opening description! Verdant...aaaaah! I also liked that Nico's feathers "blazed like the sun above".
At one point you said Nico "spots" starfruit, but you use past tense in the rest of the story. Just a heads-up.
Pseudo-inebriated state. HA.
"Pulling up just before turning himself into a bloody mess on the pavement." Brilliant sentence.
Also a brilliant sentence, "typhoon of sensory stimulation."
Stout-but-confident is the PERFECT way to describe Pedro. Also, you have his dialogue down pat, "My name's Pedro, don't forget it!"
I'll say it again: I love your descriptions. Like the street was "now painted with the light from shops and restaurants." Aaaaah, great job with the police thing, too, I liked the origins of the bottle cap.
Another great chapter! I'm assuming that the next chapter is about Pedro and therefore a joint chapter with this one, which is a great way to organize it. I rather like it. Oh, and I LOVE the name you chose for their bird club, The Palm! It's great!
| KhallieGurl chapter 2 . 8/19/2011
That was a GREAT intro! Griseous, what a delightful word...you described the scene very well.
Ah, poor Francisco. Good job of getting his emotions across.
I particularly liked your description "Determined fire burning in his eyes." NICE.
The dream at the end with Blu was kinda cool, but the ghost thing was a little weird. I think the dream alone would have been more powerful.
Anyway, great job!
| Bromine chapter 2 . 8/18/2011
pfft. jewel risks her life over a mango. what a bad day for her.
| Bromine chapter 1 . 8/18/2011
lol. Blu is Mr. T. nice chapter though.
| Seiga Niko chapter 2 . 8/16/2011
Mm. Wonderful. Can't wait for Nico and Pedro. Can you possibly do a double feature on them and how they met? That's part of their past, right? Ah well. I'm too pushy. That was just a suggestion. If it wasn't already written, which it probably is. Poop.
| Mord44 chapter 2 . 8/11/2011
Sweet chapter! Wow Jewel seems so care free and happy.
I agree with Silkmouse's review, you actually did get Blu's personality right.
| Silkmouse chapter 1 . 8/11/2011
i actually really liked this chapter. I think you really captured Blu's personality. D And that's an accomplishment in my book, because I can only name one or two other people who can get Blu's personality right. Keep it Up!
| Mord44 chapter 1 . 8/11/2011
I thought this chapter was pretty good, I felt sorry for Blu that he only had 1 person to celebrate his birthday. And I have to say, lots of exclamation marks in there conversations, Its seems like they want to yell a lot. lol
| KhallieGurl chapter 1 . 8/11/2011
How cute! And such a pretty song! The music choice provided a nice backdrop for the feel of the piece.
I laughed out loud when Blu proclaimed that the sound of the little bell (which, by the way, was brilliant because he complains about how much he misses his bell in the movie), was "scintillating". Such good word choice. AAAAAAH I'm a sucker for a good word.
How like Blu to want to be courteous, even to a human who has no way of understanding him. Haha.
This part made me just as happy as your use of the word 'scintillating': That after Blu's bath his feathers were "blue as a bolt of lightning". I can't even tell you how much I enjoy that simile. Oooooooh it was good.
The only criticisms I have are that A) When Blu is reminiscing about his previous life, it kind of threw me off that it was actual dialogue, because I imagined him just talking to himself in this lonely room. If you'd wanted it to be fit for dialogue, he should have been asking himself questions, like "I wonder what became of my parents?" or "Why did it have to happen?" It sounds more natural like that, otherwise, the ramblings just sounded kind of off, and it would have been more powerful had it been in paragraph form, NOT dialogue, with Blu just staring out the window and thinking all these things to himself. The great thing about the written word as opposed to a script is that you can delve into the character's mind like that.
B) The conversation between Linda and Sarah was peppered with exclamation points, which is only a personal peeve of mine, because I imagine everyone shouting and gleeful and it was a little too much for the normal bookstore conversation. But I might just be being annoying, I don't know.
In short, I very much liked this cute little one-shot into the life of Blu, I thought it was very well done and you stayed extremely true to Blu's character. I can't wait to see how the others turn out!