|Reviews for The Struggle to Survive|
| Zerodius chapter 14 . 3/4
Though this is not the best story I've ever read, it does have an interesting premise. It may also be not necessarely be right but given the way you're characterizing the pikmins so far, I have a feeling that the outcasts' real reason for their exile is very different than the Onions being bad... especially that the Onions did not seem to show any signs of being sentient at all.
I may be mistaken but... my guess is that the Onions are tools and, especially given their technological looks in Pikmin 3, may be not be as natural as they look at all. However, the pikmins on PNF-404 have been stranded/born in such conditions that they've never learnt that the Onions were truly meant to be tools and being too weak to survive without their protections, always dedicated their lives to them...
... which overlook the fact that being machines, Onions have a finite lifespan and cannot reproduce. To produce more Onions and thus survive, pikmins must be able to think for themselves, life for themselves, and become independant enough to wonder what the Onions truly are and ultimately, how to recreate them.
Which they cannot do if they're in a sort of happy servant trance like the oranges and blacks, focusing only on "serving" their Onion instead of living for themselves.
Again, this is just stray thoughts and it probably doesn't happen to this story at all, being just a dumb guess on my part.
Still, I'll be reading subsequent chapters. I hope you liked my comment if you read it.
| Keifren1ooo chapter 10 . 12/21/2013
This was a really interesting chapter, if a bit short. As much as the other Pikmin are trying, I still like how you keep putting doubts into the two red Pikmin's minds. It's a nice way to insert a conflict that's not just from the environment.
As for grammar, I only spotted one mistake, but it's so subtle that I'm not even going to bother pointing it out.
| wmaxharwell chapter 9 . 12/9/2013
this is definitely interesting so far definitely worth continuing.
| Pikacrafter45 chapter 9 . 11/28/2013
Trapmin. Sounds interesting. Good chapter!
| DaLintyMan chapter 9 . 11/23/2013
Ah Hem... "There's always a bigger fish."
| Keifren1ooo chapter 9 . 11/23/2013
Because I sort of make it my policy to read almost every updated story on the Pikmin category, I've read the entire story from chapter 1 to 9, and I have to say, it's very interesting. The self-awareness of gender, the possible reality of Onion life, the new Pikmin, and many other cool things that you threw in here.
Although, I feel as if some parts of the story feel a bit... rushed, for lack of a better word. In was mainly in the beginning and middle chapters though, the later ones were much more balanced.
Overall, I think that this story is REALLY good, and has tons of potential. Just one thing; in the second-to-last line in chapter 9, you said, "But the mouth striking feature was that..." You said "mouth" instead of "most". Other than that, great story!
| VampireElder chapter 7 . 7/30/2013
This is amazing, keep up the good work!
| Keyblade chapter 6 . 7/17/2013
Interesting concept...I see progress is consistent if slow, so I'll just bookmark this and check it once in a while. ;)
| Clove31 chapter 5 . 4/1/2013
I know you haven't updated since December and so this is probably pointless but please continue! its good!
| Aquariu chapter 5 . 2/10/2013
Has really good potential, excellently thought out.
Would love to read more.
| GhostCalumon chapter 3 . 2/3/2012
I've read the story so far and I think that this is great! I can't wait to see what happens next!
| Piklink chapter 3 . 1/4/2012
This is a really good story, you should totally continue!
| V rex chapter 3 . 12/30/2011
Not much to review here. Mostly dialogue for a 'bridging' chapter that will lead us to the next event, inevitably an encounter with this White pikmin's colony it would seem.
It does tease us with some questions, including the 'soulless' quotation (which you did describe to me) as well as pikmin sexes.
Hope to get more information on both in the next chapter
| V rex chapter 2 . 8/15/2011
Great suspense here, well done with the creatures. "Spotted Demon" was a very nice touch for a bulborb, though I thought our protagonist got off the hook a bit too easy hehe. The writing in general was solid.
I still feel like we needed some backstory though. I want to hear more (MOAR) about the pikmin's relationship with the onion as that seems to be a major crux of the developing story. I thought it would be nice to have that aspect fleshed out, so I hope to see it in a flashback at least.
| V rex chapter 1 . 8/13/2011
The writing is better in general but it's pretty rushed for a first chapter. I know it's nice to have a story that sucks you right in but it feels like they've got thrown in the conflict WAY too fast before we got any of the characters established, let alone any exposition at all.
I can't care for our protagonist and his friend if they're left behind, unless I get some depth into them.
I'll see what the next chapter brings in those terms.